Ongoing Comedy 2: When You Wish Upon a Star Wars.

[Princess 35]

The audience gasped as Prin revealed the identity of Nomi?s father. The camera switched to a view of Onimi sitting in the green room hissing and spitting. Prin gave Nomi to a stage assistant and grabbed the nearest chair. Onimi hissed and spat at the camera and headed towards the stage. He appeared and started talking in his annoying rhyming way.

?Behold the creature on the floor.

She?s a cheap Jedaai crack whore.?

?Uh uh! Uh uh! Oh no I ain?t! You this baby?s daddy!?

?She lay there in a heap

Begging us to do her deep.?

?Oh no I didn?t! You forced me!? With that anguished outburst, Prin threw a chair at Onimi.

?She didn?t spit, she only swallowed.

She begged for everything that followed.

She is a simple simple whore.

She asked for us to do her more.

How can I be this baby?s dad?

I am only one of fifty that she had.?

?You?re the only one that it can be.

Nomi doesn?t look like me.

Nomi looks just like you,

And I don?t know what to do.

Look, I?m talking like you now,

So go to Hell you big fat cow.?

Disgusted with her rhyming ways, Prin took a swing at Onimi and pulled where his hair would be. Prin started cussing Onimi out in 40 different languages and they were finally pulled apart and Hairy turned to the audience. [We?ll be back to find out the truth of little Nomi?s paternity right after these messages]

#################

A lone camera zooms in on the view of Ewoks tending rows and rows of plants and a voiceover starts.

?Are you thirsty? Are you looking for the best drink to quench your thirst? Something teddy bear cute? Well then Blended Ewok is for you. It?s 100% natural and keeps you nice and regular. Packed with fiber, it?s got 100% of the needed nutrients for 100 different species. Get your Blended Ewok today. Legal disclaimer: BE is not made from actual Ewoks but by plants blended by Ewoks. No Ewoks were harmed in the making of this commercial. Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.

##################

[Welcome back to the Hairy Ringer show, today?s subject, ?I was gang raped by a group of Yuzzhan Vong warriors and you?re the daddy!? Before we left for the commercial break, Prin told Onimi that he was the father of her baby Nomi. Onimi doesn?t believe that he is the father because Prin was excited by the group action and was the plaything for 49 other Vong. Well the results are in, and?]Hairy stopped to open an envelope and read the pages. [Onimi, you are 99.999999999999% the father of Nomi.]

Prin jumped up and started screaming. ?In your face! I told you that you were the father of Nomi, but noooooo, you wouldn?t listen to me. Look at that little disfigured boy. Would you turn away your own flesh and blood??

?But this cannot be.

For don?t you know me?

There must be some other,

Because Nomi is your brother.

This is why I didn?t want to bother,

For you see, I am your father!?

?NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!? Prin screamed, kinda like Luke in ESB and found a cooling shaft to jump down and took a headfirst dive down it. She managed to catch a weather vane and reached out through the Force. Psychos, help me?

[Drake 53]

While sitting in the bar, drinking, the Psychos heard Prin's Force plea. They all looked up from their drinks and stared at eachother.

"Did you hear something?" asked a dazed and drunk Rogue.

Fett raised his head off the counter, revealing a beer holder on his helmet with the straws sticking in the filter. "I don't even have the Force and I heard that." He slurped at his drinks.

"Must be those stanging voices again. I told them to go away but they're per...persist...pera...percie...polygon...perennial...poo. What's that word?"

"Paradigm?" said Beeurd.

"Paratrooper?" suggested Ender.

"Pr0n?" said CorSec.

"Percutaneous transhepatic cholangiography?" asked Tsl.

"If that's where they inject dye into your bile ducts and then watch the dye on an x-ray to see if it's flowing around okay...then no." Rogue said.

"Persistant?" asked Drake.

"Yes! Good job, XO!" Rogue cried. "Now what was I talking about again? Oh yeah...the voices!"

I'm hanging by one hand and a freakin' bra strap here. HELP!

"I think that was Prin!" shouted Furday.

Beeurd nodded in agreement, "I think you're right."

All of the Psychos went out side of the bar and looked up. They saw Prin hanging from a weather vane, a few feet above their heads.

"Get me down from here!" cried Prin. "I'm too emotionally distraut to simply jump!"

"Oh geez..." said the Psychos in sync while rolling their eyes and then stumbling around, trying to find them again.

"Okay, jump and I'll catch you" sighed Beeurd then held out his arms.

"Okay! Here I come!" Prin got into position to drop down, then let go.

"Oooh! A pence!" Beeurd stepped forward and bent over to pick up the coin. There came a thump on the ground behind him.

"Owww..." groaned Prin as she rolled on the ground in pain.

"Oh nevermind" grumbled Beeurd, "it was only a dollar."

Edited September 2, 2004 by Nameless Hero

[Tsl 7]

Tsl quickly pounced on the dollar as Beeurd let it drift to the floor. She scrunched it up into her fist and glanced around at all the psychoes. "It'ssss miiiiiiiine...." she hissed.

Beeurd shrugged, "You can have it."

The other psychoes didn't seem to think it was worth arguing over either and went back to their drinks. Prin lay on the floor moaning pitifully, though no one seemed to notice. Drake, however, was concerned over Tsl's possesiveness of the dollar.

"Tsl? Sweetie, you don't really need that dollar. You know that right? We're both incredibly wealthy, being backed by an entire empire and all," he said soothingly.

"I found it, and it's miiiiiine!" said Tsl. She clutched the wadded up dollar closely to her chest and glared around her threateningly.

"Actually, technically, Beeurd found it," said Drake.

"IT's MINE!" yelled Tsl. The others jumped a bit as she startled them with her sudden raised voice.

"It's okay!" soothed Drake. "You can have it! I just want you to know that you don't really need it. Okay?"

"I do need it," said Tsl. She was calm again.

"For what?" he asked.

"For that," she pointed in his direction.

"For..........me? You need a dollar for me? What kind of a guy do you think I am?!" said Drake angrily.

"No no! Not for you! Why pay for what I can get free?"

Drake blushed and giggled.

"For that!" continued Tsl. She pointed rather frantically over his shoulder.

Drake turned around and for the first time, noticed a lottery ticket machine sitting up against the wall. "Vong lottery?"

Tsl skipped happily over to the machine and slipped her badly crumpled dollar into the money slot. The living "machine" whirred happily as it slurped the dollar up. Tsl was just getting ready to chose her ticket, when the machine belched the dollar back out at her. Annoyed, she shoved it back into the slot. The machine spat it back at her and growled something Vongish at her.

Tsl kicked the machine angrily and yelled something violent sounding in Chissese at it. The machine retorted with something even more vicious sounding in Vong. Tsl came back with a retort in Barabel so horrible that it made Drake blush. The living machine began to quiver and liquid drops began running down it's sides.

The lottery machine was crying.

"Awww!" Tsl was feeling pretty low and guilty now. "I'm sorry, Mr. Lottery Machine! I was only just frusterated because I couldn't get my ticket!"

The machine replied in Vong, speaking in between sobs, "[That's okay. I can understand that. Only I can't handle such crumpled dollars! They give me horrible heartburn!]"

"Hmmm...." Tsl thought for a long moment, and then replied in Vong. "[i think we may be able to come up with a way for both of us to be happy.]"

"What are they saying?!" asked Furday, who was unable to understand Vong. He was hoping they were working out a deal to do something errotic.

"They're making a deal," explained Drake. Furday's eyes lit up. "It's not an errotic deal," said Drake crossly. Furday's face fell.

"[i'll iron this dollar out so it's nice and flat and warm and stuff, and then you can eat it!]" continued Tsl.

"[Yay!]" agreed the machine.

And so Tsl borrowed Fett's iron (which was a part of his armor and extended from his left forearm) and flattened out the dollar bill. By the time she was done, the dollar had nary a crease in it and it was nice and warm. Fett complained that his arm hurt from begin drug back and forth over a dollar for three hours, but nobody seemed inclined to acquiesse to his request for Tylenol. (In other words, he was ignored.) Poor Fett.

Tsl slipped the warm money into the machine who sighed happily as it sucked it down. Tsl chose her ticket and retrieved it from what could only be described as the machine's anal oriface.

"Yay!" declared Tsl. She sat down and began scratching off her ticket.

"Did you win?" asked Drake. After all this trouble and an entire post wasted on the lottery, surely she'd won something.

"I did win!" Tsl jumped up and squealed with delight.

"What did you win!?" asked Drake who was also jumping up and down.

"I won another ticket!" she grinned. "Now...I just need to find the local lottery kiosk......"

The Jedi and Psychoes merely groaned.

[Tsl 7]

"Tsl, " said Chicken, "I think you may have a gambling problem."

"What? No! I only want to redeem my free ticket," she explained.

"It's okay, Tsl. It's not an "addiction" it's a disease, and we're here to help you!" said Chicken, smiling gently.

"We are?" said Furday, looking up from a pr0n mag.

"Admitting you have a problem is the first step," prompted Chicken. He was purposfully ignoring Furday.

"I don't have a problem," said Tsl, flatly.

"Good! See? You've taken your first step towards healing!"

"But...she said she didn't--" started Furday, but Chicken interupted him.

"Yes, yes. She's doing very well. Now, if you'll just give me your ticket..."

"Nevaar!" Tsl clutched her winning ticket and ran away.

Drake sighed and removed a butterfly net from his cloak (much to the amazment of all present). "Great, now I have to go catch her again." And with no further explanation, he took off after her armed with the net.

"What an odd couple," said Furday. Some vaguely familiar tv show intro music began to play.

"We really should get on with the story, y'know," said Rogue suddenly.

"But what should we do next?" asked Prin, who was still lying on the floor in a pitiful emotionally broken state.

"We should kill these clones," said Chicken, gesturing to the second set of psychoes and jedi. The clones were all boredly sitting around drinking coffees and eating fancy biscotti. If they heard Chicken's suggestion, they didn't react to it.

"I think I left my baby at the Hairy Ringer show," said Prin.

"So...we should kill our clones and go find Prin's baby?" asked Furday.

"Sounds facsinating," said Rogue, not bothering to hide her disappointment.

"I want my baby back!" wailed Prin sorrowfully.

Furday began to sing, "I want my baby back, baby back ribs...."

Ender chimed in with a tenor, "Chillllllliiiiiiii's baby back ribs!"

Prin shocked everyone by finishing up with a baritone, "Barbeque sauce."

By now, Drake had returned with Tsl in tow, the butterfly net securely over her head. One would think Tsl would be upset by her predicament, but rather, she seemed quite content, and even skipped along, huming "Somewhere Over the Rainbow".

"I found her trying to eat her way through the door on the lottery kiosk," explained Drake. "It was closed for the evening, so she couldn't get in for her ticket. I found this half drunken amphistaff lying on the ground, so I distracted her with it while I netted her and took the ticket away."

"I shall call him Alfie!" said Tsl, triumphantly huggling her new pet.

"Well, while you were gone, we've decided to kill off these clones," Rogue filled them in. "And then we're gonna go retrieve Prin's baby from the evil clutches of Hairy Ringer!"

"I know!" said Ender. "We should each get to kill our own clone. It'll be like pitting ourselves against our selves in a battle royal of wits and brawn. Only those who can truly master their own deepest, darkest, inner most fears and resentments shall triumph and the loser shall forever be cast in the almighty pit of mortal peril and despair! Bwahahahahahahaha!

Drake looked at Draake. "I can't kill him. He's too damned good looking!"

[Princess 35]

Prin sniffled. "I don't want to fight my clone to the death. I just want my son/brother back!"

Everyone looked at Prin for a moment and then remembered that Onmi was also her father. They all kind of shuddered. "Prin, does that mean that you did the nasty with your father?" Furday couldn't seem to contain his curiosity.

Prin burst into tears and ran into a corner of the round room and curled up in the fetal position. "I'm a dirty girl! Dirty dirty dirty!"

Meanwhile Janson had run over to the weapons closet and came back holding an uzi. "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR! Die scumbag cloneses!" He started to open fire on the clones.

"WAIT!" One of the clones yelld at Janson. "I'm the real Chickenman, that one is the clone." He pointed at Chicken, who was glancing through a book titled, So you want to join the sisterhood.

"Huh?" Chicken had a blank stare on his face. "What are you on? I'm the real Chicken."

"No, I am!"

"No you're not!"

"Yes I am!"

"No you're not!"

"Yes I am!"

"Enough," Drake bellowed. "There's only one way to solve this. Both Chickens will go out into space and the one who's head explodes first is the clone!"

[Andy 60]

"That's all well and good," Beeurd said, "but where is my clone?"

They looked around and noticed that there wasn't a clone of Beeurd anywhere.

"Maybe it's because you are dead?" Rogue suggested.

"Hmm...." They all said thoughfully.

* * * * *

Meanwhile, deep in the deepest depths of the deeper parts of the deepest part of the galaxy, the Deep Core, Beeuurd cackled evilly, while prancing around in a long flowing black cloak and other evil-looking armour and stuff.

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!" he cackled. "BWA-HA-HAAAAAA!!! Oh, crap I forgot what I was going to say..."

Beeuurd stood there for a moment, wondering just what it was he was about to say to introduce himself, but couldn't remember, other than it was something insanely evil and vital to the plot. He gave up and turned back to what he was doing.... Reading a book called "Multi-Dimensional Universal Domination for Experienced Evil Villians".

* * * * *

"Oh, well it's not going to be that important" said Chicken. Or was it Chiicken?

"You're absolutley right!" Drake said. "To the airlock!"

The Psycho's grabbed the two Chickens and dragged them towards the nearest airlock.

"No, no! It's all right, we can go looking for Beeuurd if you want!" Chicken protested, "Ah, why did I open my big mouth..."

[Ender 8]

Ender stared at Ennder. Ender nodded at Ennder's weapon.

"P90, eh? I prefer the CAR-15 myself." Ender said.

"Really? I find the larger clip and smaller size of the P90 suits me better."

"Well, to each their own. Hey, I like the Gucci hip sheath for the combat knife, very nice."

"Yeah, I got that on special at a store on Commenor. Only 200 creds."

"Beautiful. Hey, check out my pearl-handled Deagle. Got it on Corellia for 550 creds."

"That's a frigging bargain! Hey, speaking of which, there's an awesome weapons store just down the street..."

"Sweet. Let's go!"

Beeurd cut in on them.

"Uh, Enders, we kinda have to go save Prin's baby/brother and kill Bozo and everything..."

Ender glared at Beeurd. "Then do it without us. Ennder and I have some quality fragging to do."

Ennder cackled.

"Oh fine. Be that way, ya stupid Yank..." Beeurd said.

"I think I will, Limey Boy." Ender said, then looked at Ennder. "Let's get outta here. First, though, check this out..."

Ender raised his CAR-15 to his shoulder, aimed, and fired at Jaacen, leaving three holes in a triangle on his forehead.

"Mooooooommmmmmmmyyyyy!!" Jaacen screamed, and fell off the ledge of the building, down into the depths of Coruscant.

Ender and Ennder walked off, laughing.

[Roethlisberger 0]

Fett looked over at Ender and Ennder.

"There's only one reason why they like each other," Fett said.

"What is that?," asked Feett, who just materialized out of nowhere.

"Each admires the other's taste in music."

[Chickenman 9]

So the psychos threw Chicken and Chiicken through the airlock.

"What now?" asked Fett.

"We need to get my baby/brother!" Prin cried out desperatly.

"We need to kill the clones!" TSL reminded, noticing that her clone was cozying up to Drake.

So they went and killed their clones. It was an action packed sequence. It was filled with great fighting scenes, and gruesome deaths. It was so cool, it makes me actually want to write it out. Oh well.

Now they needed to rescue Prin's baby/brother from the clutches of Hairy Ringer. They ran off, forgetting all about Chicken and Chiicken.

*******

"Hello folks! We're back with today's topic, 'My clone is an alcohol swigging gun freak.' Please welcome Ender and Ennder!" Hairy Ringer began.

As everyone clapped, Ender and Ennder stumbled into their seats on the stage, clearly drunk.

"Helloooo!" slurred Ennder.

"Hic!" said Ender.

"Now Ender, please tell us what happened."

"Weeeeellll....evrythang was goin goooood. Weeee were buying sum weeeapons...*hic*...and hee waaanted to buy...a Kaliaaaashniiiiikov rifle..."

"What?" asked the crowd.

"Kalashnikov. You know...an AK." Ender replied, this time in perfect English.

"Oh!" responded the crowd.

"Aaaaaannnnywaaaaay..."Ender continued. "He waaaanted a Soooviet Weeapon...sooo I shot hiiiim iin the arrrrm."

"Yeah!!!! And then I pulled out an uzi and blasted his torso apart!" Ennder chipped in.

"But I pulled out a CAR-15, and unloaded a clip in his face." Ender continued.

Both had "magically" gotten sober. Or I'm too lazy to keep typing slurred words like that.

"So I shot him with my Remington Shotgun!"

"I hit him with a clip of my MP5!"

"I detonated a claymore under him!"

"So then I grabbed my trusty M60 and let it loose on him."

"But he didn't know about my trusty .50 cal, which I nailed him with."

"Then I threw a frag grenade at him!"

'I launched my M203 into his face!"

"I carved his eyes out my knife!"

"I torched him with a flamethrower!"

"I nailed him with an AT-4!"

Hairy interupted. "You both look fine."

"Oh." Ender said.

"We must still be drunk!" Ennder reasoned.

Hand in hand the two skipped out of the studio.

*************

Then the rest of the psychos arrived.

Sorry about the wait.

Edited September 15, 2004 by Chickenman

[Princess 35]

"So um, what are we supposed to do?" Furday looked confused as Ender and Ennder headed out of the studio and to Larry's House of Majestic Mayhem to buy even MORE weaponry.

"We have to get my baby/brother from Hairy Ringer," Prin wailed. "I miss him so much. My little Nomi is mommy's lil angel and I'm going to love him even if I am his sister too."

"Right, then we need to find Nomi. Where would you be if you were an inbred halfbreed?"

"FURDAY! That's my child that you're talking about! And he may be an inbred halfbreed, but I don't wanna hear anyone calling him that. His name is Nomi and I love him because he's mine. I may not have wanted him, but he's a part of me and I love him dearly not that he's born. Now find my baby!"

There were tears in the eyes of many Psychos (even though later they'd deny it all, especially Drake) when Prin finished her speech. Prin and Furday hugged and everyone started to split up to find Nomi when they heard an earthshattering scream from backstage. Prin burst into a dead run and found Nomi gnawing on the leg of one of the crew members. She scooped him up and gave him a big hug and he gurgled happily before starting to cry. "Mama's little boy must be hungry, aren't you? Aren't you? That's my big boy. You gonna be good for mama and eat like a big boy? Yes you are. Yes you are."

As Prin continued to talk in sickingly sweet baby talk, many of the Psychos rushed off to vomit, It was just too much sweetness for them. Drake and TSL immediately started frying innocent crew members with Force lightning so that they could rid themselves of all the sweetness, while everyone else gathered up popcorn and watched.

Prin wandered down the hallway to the bathroom where she sat down in the comfortable chair and started to feed Nomi. She winced as he bit down, but soon got used to it and just stared at her little boy. He was so special. Suddenly the door burst in and Prin screamed. "No! It can't be! How in the depths of 9 Correllian Hells did you get here? "

"Howdy howdy," the nysterious thing replied, staring at Prin and Nomi. "How are you young lady? Are you being a good girl?"

Prin's face went blank. How on earth could suitething be here? What had she done to deserve this torture?

"Can't you knock? You interrupted a very personal bonding moment between my baby and me! Don't you have the least bit of common courtesy when it comes to other people? Seriously! And why did you have to follow me to here?"

"But where is here? And since when did you have such a hideous baby?"

Prin screamed. "You're in the Star Wars Universe. And my baby isn't hideous, he's beautiful!"

"Oh, may the forest be with you, then," Suitething quipped, trying way too hard to be funny/

Prin ran screaming from the room, holding Nomi tight when she ran into Furday, who was also screaming for some reason.

"Roomthing, here!" Furday looked shaken up.

"Suitething here too! What are we going to do?"

[Bad furday 57]

A clopping was heard, and Furday took the opportunity to dive behind a soda machine that had been thoughtfully placed in the hall.

Prin, looking panic sticken as well, looked around for a safe refuge, before settling on the janitor's closet.

She made it just in time, as roomthing came around the corner.

A soapy smell began to waft through the air.

Prin remembered Furday mentioning that he was "glad that roomthing took baths, but there was such a thing as using too much soap".

Roomthing came to a stop at the junction between the two hallways. He paused, looking down the hallway which housed Prin and Furday.

From his vantage point, Furday could see that roomthing would pass the closet containing Prin and Nomi before he would reach the soda machine.

Furday hoped that Nomi wouldn't cry or do anything to give away everyone's positions.

A sound behind him made Furday turn and look.

Coming down the hallway was a lime green protocol droid.

Furday caught the droid's attention, with a slight wave.

He then put his finger to his lips, signaling the droid to be quiet, and pointed wildy in the direction of roomthing.

The droid signaled his acknowledgement by walking past Furday as if he weren't even there.

"Ooohhhh!" gushed roomthing as the droid approached him.

The droid and roomthing disappeared down the adjoinging hallway.

Roomthing badgered the droid with questions (about movies, and personal well being), as the droid did its best to answer and get a word in edgewise.

[Tsl 7]

Rogue clapped her hands with delight, ignoring the oddly smelling man and green droid who blundered past her. "Yay! We're doing very well, my friends! The clones are dead and Prin has found little Nomi!"

"Not all of the clones are dead," Fett pointed out. "Ennder is still alive and well...or at least he will be until he has a drunken mistake with his AK-47. Heh."

Rogue glared at him. "With a few minor exceptions, all the clones are dead and Nomi is still, undeniably in our possecion once again."

Just then a huge wail was heard from the back of the studio. "Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!"

"Prin?" asked Furday.

And indeed, a sobbing Prin emerged from one of the dressing rooms, mascara streaked all down her face. "He's...he's....he's gone!!!!"

"Who's gone?" asked Chicken.

Prin began to hyperventilate, and Furday handed her a paper bag to breathe into.

"Deep, slow breaths, Prin. Now tell us, who is gone?" he asked.

"Nooooomi!" she wailed, and began sobbing hysterically again. Furday attempted to dodge away, but Prin was too quick for him. She burried her face in his shoulder, coating it in snot, tears, and black mascara.

"Oh no!" said Rogue, exasperated. "He can't just be gone! You've probably set him down somewhere and forgot...have you looked in the bathroom? Under the tables? Under the seat cushions?"

Prin shook her head emphatically, but it was a long time before she had enough breath to finally say, "No, he's gone! She took him!"

Furday gasped with shock, but the others were slower in cottoning on.

"Who took him?" asked Mara.

"Suitething," she replied, in a voice suddenly filled with a chilled and eerie calm. Even as the last syllable died away in an uncanny echo, the lights overhead flickered once and went out in a shower of blue-white sparks. In the distance, a pack of wile Ak dogs howled, a low mournful song to three pale moons which suddenly broke through the dense cloud cover to cast silvery shadows across the darkened room. The entire studio suddenly became cold as ice, and tendrills of breath-smoke could be seen from the shallow and ragged breathing of all present. The Psychoes all, silmutaneously shuddered.

Then from the back, giggling was heard, and then Drake's voice. "Hey! Who turned out the lights?"

And Tsl's voice, "And why is it so cold in here all the sudden?"

The others came back to find a scene all at once disgusting, amusing, and embarrasing. Drake had decided to use his newly learned television production skills to make a little movie involving himself and Tsl. From the hastily painted title cards lying scattered across the floor, it looked to be a movie meant for adult eyes.

"What?" asked Drake. He didn't seem to realize that he had a pair of lacy, black panties in his hand.

"Er...umm..." said Rogue. "If you'd been paying attention to what's been going on rather then......er....doing.......doing......this, you'd know we have a serious problem on our hands!"

"You'll bet we've got a serious problem!" agreed Tsl. "We've not got enough lighting to shoot a proper movie."

Furday pounced on the fuse box and began working hard to fix it. "Don't worry! Just hold that thought, and those panties! I'll have the lights back up and working in no time....then I get to be camera man!"

Prin stomped her foot. "I WANT MY NOMI BACK!"

Tsl raised an eyebrow at her, " You got him back...remember?"

"No," she said, getting teary-eyed again. "I had him, but Suitething plucked him right off my breast and stole him!"

The Psychoes all shuddered again, but this time it had a lot less to do with the room's temperature, and alot more to do with the mental image of what Prin had just said. That, and the set Drake and Tsl had rigged up for their "movie".

[Ender 8]

*Ender and Ennder are just checking out of the store, when Ender pulls out a Deagle and points it at Ennder's head*

"This is it, Ennder. Time to die." Ender said.

"But... but why?" Ennder asked.

"Because you're a whining crybaby and in no way am a clone of me. I know all about what was added to your genetic structure."

Ennder gasped.

"That's right. I know all about the DSL shootings. I know about the behind-the-scenes action at Dr. Phil's show. I know that he was combined with my genes to make you."

Ennder suddenly began to glow very brightly. He rose into the air, and started spinning. Suddelny, he fell back down to the ground, got up, and now looked exactly like Dr. Phil.

Dr.Phil/Ennder smiled.

"Now, Ender, did you ever think you could escape me? I have haunted your dreams all your life, and our meeting was not coincidence. It was planned by the Gods of Creepy People."

"The Gods of Creepy People?" Ender asked.

"Oh yes. There's a whole other realm of Heaven, or Hell, whichever is the one with the fire, where the creepiest people in the world go when they die. The Gods are the five creepiest of all time."

"And who are they?"

"Oprah, Jerry Springer, Ozzy Osbourne, Marilyn Manson, and Rosie O'Donnell."

A dark wind suddenly blew through the shop. Ender cleared his throat.

"Well... they certainly fit the bill." he said.

"Indeed. Now, tell your friend Prin that her baby is in the clutches of the Gods. To get the baby back, she will have to pass the test... and to enter the Creepy Temple, she will need to sacrifice a naked midget with a herring. Tell her now."

And Dr. Phil vanished.

Ender shook his head, holstered the Deagle, and ran off to tell Prin.

[Princess 35]

Prin was in the shower, letting the hot water run over her, relaxing her muscles after the fight where Suitething took Nomi away from her. Suddenly the refresher door popped open and Suitething walked in, without Nomi. Prin shrieked and threw a shampoo bottle at her. "Get out! Out of here! What did you do with my baby you evil spawn?"

"I gave your little monster to the gods of creepy people. They are working for Darth Bozo."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO! How could you give my BABY to Darth Bozo? You have no respect for what is mine, and for that you will die. You will die a slow and painful death, the death of 1000 lifetimes. But first, you will help me get my baby back!"

Furday popped up just then singing the Chili's theme about baby back ribs. Prin just glared at him as she headed off to her quarters to change for a fight. She sniffled when she saw Nomi's empty crib sitting in the corner. Just as she finished getting dressed, Ender burst into her room. "Doesn't anyone know how to knock here?!"

"Sorry Prin, but I found out where Nomi is. He's being held by the Creepy Gods.."

"Who are working for Darth Bozo and they're based at the Creepy Temple."

"Wow, how'd you know that?"

"Suitething. But how am I supposed to get into the temple?"

"Dr Phil said that you must sacrifice a midget with a herring under the light of a full moon."

"Awww crap, I just did a ritual sacrifice last week. Not another one. Ah well. Come on. Let's go plan with the others."

"But Prin, where are you going to find a midget?"

"Ummm, there's one in the closet!"

[Tsl 7]

Prin hauled her closet midget out into the midst of the rest of the psychoes. "Alright folks, here's the deal. My baby/brother is in the hands of the Creepy Gods being held at the Creepy Temple...which is somewhat appropriate seeing as how Nomi is pretty creepy. Anywho, I must go rescue my little Nomi!"

Tsl poked the midget. "Who's this?" The midget growled and snapped at her finger.

"That's my closet midget. His name is Bernie. Watch your fingers, he bites!" she replied.

Tsl gawked and held her finger to her chest protectively. "Why do you have a midget in your closet?

Prin shrugged, "Because that is where one keeps a pet midget. Now then, I must sacrifice Bernie so that I can gain entrance to the Creepy Temple."

"You're going to sacrifice your beloved pet?" asked Drake in surprize.

Prin shrugged again, "It's either Bernie or my little Nomi. Nomi wins. Sorry Bernie."

Bernie growled irritably.

"Does anyone have a herring?" asked Prin.

The psychoes all looked to Beeurd expectantly.

"What?" he asked. "You think just because I'm British I'm going to have some kippered herrings in my pocket?"

"Well....yeah," said Drake. The others nodded agreement.

"Well.....you're right. I do," he said, and produced a small tin of kippers from his pocket. "But that was to be my breakfast. I'm going to be very upset and cranky all day now." He pouted as he handed the tin over to Prin.

Prin opened the tin and removed the contents. "I'm sorry Bernie. This will hurt me more than it hurts you.... No wait. I said that backwards."

She shurgged yet again and whapped Bernie upside the head with the kippered herring. Bernie growled and ate the kippers.

"Gah!" yelped Prin as Bernie nearly ate her fingers along with the herring. "It didn't work! Now what will I do?"

"GAH!" wailed Beeurd. "My precious kippers wasted for no good reason!" He advanced threateningly at Bernie, shaking his fist in anger. "I hope you enjoyed those, you little such-n-such, cause those are the last kippers you're ever going to eat!"

"No!" yelped Prin. "You can't kill him, Beeurd!"

"Why the kriff not? HE ATE MY BREAKFAST!"

"Because! He has to die a death by herring. If you kill him, I'll have to go find another midget to sacrifice. Poo...I still have to find a herring to try again."

Drake looked around, "Anybody else got a herring on ya?"

The psychoes all shook their heads.

"I know!" said Tsl suddenly. "I'll send my army of attack gerbils to find a herring!"

Everyone stared. Drake raised an eyebrow at her. "Army of attack gerbils, love?"

"Yeah!"

She suddenly gave a sharp whistle and thousands of Canadian White Spot gerbils filled the room. The other psychoes screamed and hopped up on furnature. Furday squealed and jumped into Drake's arms.

Tsl cackled and addressed the gerbils. "Go and fetch me a herring!"

The gerbils "eeked" in response and all swarmed off to find a herring.

Edited September 29, 2004 by Tsl

[Roethlisberger 0]

Oblivious to what's going on around him, Fett is asleep. A familiar figure comes to him in a dream.

"I am the ghost of Eddie Vedder," said the figure.

"Wait one second," Fett said. "How can you be the ghost of Eddie Vedder if Eddie Vedder is still alive? See?"

Fett starts singing "Alive"

"I/Oh/I'm still alive"

"Good point. I'm fine, my career's dead."

As soon as he's complimented by Eddie Vedder, Fett's ego swells. Eddie pops Fett's ego with a pin.

"Fett, you must listen to me!"

"Why?"

"It doesn't matter. Anyway, I'm here to show you what's ahead for you"

"Cool!"

Eddie opens a door which Fett has never seen before and he walks in. Fett follows after. The door leads to the Creepy Temple.

"Holy crap!" Fett exclaimed. "What is this place?"

"This is the Creepy Temple," Eddie stated.

"Clearly. What's it called?"

"The Creepy Temple."

"I wonder why they call it that."

Fett opens his eyes.

"Never mind."

"Walk further," Eddie says, "and you shall meet the Creepy Servants. Here's Michael Jackson, Elizabeth Taylor, Liza Minelli, and Mike Tyson."

As soon as Eddie finishes saying their names, Liza starts singing "New York, New York," Jacko and Liz start a duet of "Bad," and Mike Tyson bites Jacko's nose off.

"Creepy," Fett stated.

"We've only just begun," Eddie warned.

Fett nearly passed out.

"Now we reach the Creepy Gods!" Eddie exclaimed. "These are the creepiest of the Creepy, freakiest of the Freaky and weirdest of the Weird.

"Here's Oprah."

Fett looks over and sees Oprah. She's jumping around and yelling: "You get a car, you get a donkey! Everybody gets a hernia!"

"We move on to Creepy God # 2," Eddie continues. "Jerry Springer."

Fett cringes at the name. Fett looks over to Jerry Springer. Jerry seems to think that he is on his show, but there is no crowd, no camera and no contestants.

"So," Jerry started, "when your boyfriend dumped you for this two headed, three-armed, 12 eyed, 400 pound gorilla, how did you feel?"

Fett nearly passes out.

"Now we go to Prince of Dumbasses, Ozzy Osbourne." Eddie stated.

Ozzy was the engineer for what Fett could only assume was his Crazy Train. Instead of "Chugga Chugga woo-woo," the train goes "Mumble mumble SHARON!!!" Ozzy's Crazy Train goes off the rails.

Fett has had enough.

"Next come Marylin Manson and Rosie O'Donnell," Eddie stated. "Two incredibly creepy people with questionable genders."

Fett actually passed out when he saw Marylin and Rosie. You wouldn't want to know what they were doing.

"This is your destiny, Fett," Eddie said. "You must rejoin the Psychos and brave the Creepy Temple and all its obstacles!"

"Oh, just great," Fett mused.

"Oh, and one more thing," Eddie added.

"What?"

"I am your father."

"Cool, Eddie Vedder's my father."

"Only one problem," Eddie stated.

"What's the problem?"

"I'm not Eddie Vedder."

Eddie changes form to a kid.

"I'm Haley Joel Osment."

"Eww!" Fett exclaimed.

"I'm not Haley Joel Osment either," Eddie/Haley

He changes to Halle Berry.

"I'm Halle Berry," Eddie/Haley/Halle states.

"Halle Berry's my father?" Fett asked, confused.

"I'm not Halle Berry," Eddie/Haley/Halle decided.

He changes form.

"I'm Barry Bonds."

"Nooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Fett woke up. Still suprised by the Creepy/Weirdness of his dream, Fett rushed off and went to find the Psychos. The Psychos discover that Fett had a herring in his pocket and they cut down a tree with it.

[Chickenman 9]

Let's backtrack a bit...

The psychos threw Chicken and Chiicken out the airlock.

Both of them struggled to find some way to breath. They couldn't. Floating in the cold hard vacuum known as space, there was no air.

Deprived of air, the two simply floated in space, waiting for the inevitable. Then, Chicken got an idea. Reaching into his pocket, he produced two snorkels. Strapping one on to his face, he handed the other to Chiicken.

"It's a snorkel! It won't give us air!" cried out Chiicken.

"Suit yourself." Chicken replied, taking in lungfuls of air.

Chiicken shrugged and strapped on his snorkel. He was rewarded with fresh air.

They floated around lazily, wondering what to do next. Then Chiicken was struck by a horrible thought.

"Wait, isn't our blood supposed to boil?" he cried.

"Nah."

"What?"

"It's actually a misquote. Actually, it's partly my fault."

"Eh?"

"You see, long ago, in a diffrent life, I was a rapper known as C-Diddy."

"You were C-Diddy?!"

"Yes, and don't interrupt me again, or the rest of your days will be filled with suffering and undeniable pain."

"Sorry."

"That's better. Anyway, one of my raps mentioned boiling blood. I was refering to an ancient Mayan recipe, but American kids, being the uncultured youth they are, misinterpreted it as "Your blood will boil in space." Isaac Asimov was one of these children. He liked the idea, and incorporated it into his science fiction books-"

"But Asimov was Russian, not American!"

"Shut up!"

"Sorry."

"Anyway, people began believing Asimov, therefore people think that blood will boil in space, when, in actuality, it won't."

"Really? All of that's true?"

"Psych! You clones believe anything you hear!"

************************

They were still floating when J.Lo floated by.

"She's mine!" Chicken cried out.

"No way! Mine!" Chiicken responded.

They began fighting. Well, sorta. They began slapping each other and angling their heads away from the slaps so as to not get hurt. During this time, J. Lo had floated away.

"Chicken human hybrids" she muttered, rolling her eyes.

"She left!" Chicken cried out. With that, he gave Chiicken a slight push. Since there's nothing to stop you in space, Chiicken went spiraling away through the vacuum, towards Coruscant's sun.

*************************

Chicken decided he was getting tired of the vacuum. So he ignited his lightsaber and ripped open the bag. He leaped out of the vacuum. He looked back at it.

"Orek. Niiiice." he then ran off to join the other psychos. On the way there, he got lost. He ended up at a fork in the road. On one side of the fork was a dark citadel with a giant sign in Neon Pink lights. The sign read "the creepy temple" the other side of the fork had an Ewok Donalds. It was a tough choice. He decided to go to the Ewok Donalds.

************************

Then, when he was done with Ewok Donalds, he decided to got to the Creepy Temple. He knocked on the door. Mike Tyson greeted him. Chicken recoiled in shock. Before he could react further, Tyson gave him the old one-two. Everything went black.

***********************

Chicken awoke in a dungeon. Guarding the dungeon was none other than Michael Jackson. He was dressed in a Peter Pan costume and trying to fly. Chicken pulled out his trusty lock pick and picked the door. He tried sneaking out as quietly as he could. He stepped on the floor. The floor yelped in pain.

"Is that you Tinkerbell?" Jackson asked, looking for the noise.

"Erm...yes." Chicken answered, looking for a more suitable place to hide, instead of the shadows.

"Oh...hey Tinkerbell..." Jackson's voice suddenly got playful. "Come here and give Mikey some sugar."

Chicken screamed a girlish scream. Wacko Jacko whirled around. His eyes narrowed. They were locked with Chicken's.

Edited September 30, 2004 by Chickenman

[Chickenman 9]

MJ began walking slowly towards Chicken.

"Hey Tinky" he said, still thinking that Chickenman was Tinkerbell. He began puckering his lips. Chicken just stood there, paralyzed with fear.

He was coming closer

Closer...

He puckered his lips again and again

and again...

and again...

He was within arms reach when Chicken got an idea.

"Look! A 10 year old!" Chicken cried out, pointing behind Wacko Jacko.

"Yeah right!" Jackson said, moving closer. "Like I'm gonna fall for that one!"

Chicken gulped.

MJ moved closer, still puckering his lips...

He spread out his arms, ready to lock Chicken in a tight embrace...

He touched Chicken's arm...

"LOOK!!!!" Chicken screamed, praying that this worked. He pointed behind MJ again. "A 9 YEAR OLD!!!!"

"WHAT???!!!" Jackson cried out, wildly spinning around.

Chicken seized the opurtunity and ran past him, heading for freedom.

While running, he touched the arm Michael had touched.

He would carry the emotional scars for years.

************************

I'm gonna kill that nerfherder if it's the last thing I do. Chicken thought. But first I need a weapon.

He had run into a nearby forest. Coming into a clearing, he saw a sword, jutting out of a stone. He also noticed a long line of people standing in front of the stone.

Oh no they don't! I need this sword a lot more than they do.

He dashed up, pulled the sword out of the stone, and ran off with it. Meanwhile, a wizard, his back to the stone was speaking.

"And he who pulls the sword out of the stone shall be crowned Kind of England! I'll go first!" Merlin said, with very shifty eyes.

"Umm, Mr. Merlin, sir?" asked a peasant.

"Yes?"

"I think our King just stole the sword."

"What?!" cried Merlin, whirling around. He turned back to the crowd, face bright red. He hoped they didn't realize it was rigged.

"Umm...all hail King Arthur!" he cried out.

"How do you know his name?" asked the peasant.

"I'm a wizard. I'm wise and...smart."

"ALL HAIL KING ARTHUR!!!!!" the crowd cheered.

****************

Meanwhile, the Psychos were planning their next move. Suddenly, Beeurd doubled over in pain. He was on his knees, clutching his stomach.

Rogue rushed over. "What happened?" she asked.

Beeurd paused, gasping for breath.

"I felt a disturbance in the Royal Family." he paused. "It's as if thousands of Englishmen suddenly cried out 'All hail the new king.'"

"Who's the new king?" Mara asked.

Beeurd paused, letting the moment sink in.

"Chickenman."

Edited October 2, 2004 by Chickenman

[Ender 8]

Everyone gasped.

"See, it's things like this that make me even happier that I'm American..." Ender said.

The rest of the American Psychos nodded in agreement.

"Simply nuts." Tsl said.

"Unthinkable." Prin said.

"I dont know, I think it's kind of funny!" said a random Communist horse.

The horse was then shot and everyone forgot about him.

******

A few hours later, the Psychos came upon something peculiar.

"What is it"?" Furday asked.

Ender picked up the strange object and handed it to Prin.

"It's a petrified herring that's been sharpened!" Beeurd exclaimed.

Prin suddenly broke into tears of joy.

The Psychos ran back to the Temple, where Prin drove the herring into the Midget's chest. When the midget died, a trans-dimensional wormhole opened, with a sign saying "This way to Creepy Land."

The Psychos and a random rabbit who had joined them warily walked through the portal.

*****

All of five seconds later, they were standing in a cavern, completely covered in pink, periwinkle, and other bright, fruity colors.

"Are you sure this is Creepy Land? Looks more lile an episode of the Teletubbies..." Drake said.

Suddenly the Teletubbies went strolling by, and they all shook their heads.

"Weird. Let's check this place out. It could be Creepy Land!" Prin said.

So they walked forward to the reception desk, where Courtney Love stood.

"Yup. It's Creepy Land." Ender said.

[Andy 60]

"Welcome to Creepy Land!" She said, just before a random creepy monster randomly appeared and ate her.

"oh em gee!" CorSec gasped

"Well that was..." Furday started.

"KrrrreeEEEeeepeeeEEEE!???!??" the monster finished.

"I was going to say strange..." Furday said.

"Oh, for the love of the plot!" Beeurd cried, "let's just get on with the story!"

"MeeeEEE wantz eeeeEEat YOOOOOOooooooo...." the creepy monster said angrilly.

"That's nice," said Princess, "oh sith! Is that the time, we must be off!"

The Psychos rushed in the opposite direction and soon came to a small town...

"This look vaguley familiar..." Drake said.

A trio of hidious kids rushed past... were they wearing hallowe'en costumes?

"How odd..." pondered Tsl.

A tall thin skeleton wearing a suit walked over to them. It was Jack Skelington.

"Why hello there. Can I help you with anything?"

"Umm... We are looking for the King Chickenman of England." Rogue said.

"Well... I don't think I can help you, but if you go down into the Creepy Forest there is a Creepy Old Man who knows everything about Creepy Land, be it past, present, or future!"

"Well, what are we waiting for!" Beeurd shouted and ran off into the forest.

"What's his problem?" Jack asked.

"Meh, he's just annoyed because this is a Star Wars fanfiction and we hardly ever fo anything Star Warsy."

"Ah"

* * * * *

Soon they all found the Creepy Old Man.

He spoke very slowly and sounded as if he was in pain. "I... am the CREEPY OLD MAN OF DOOOOOOM!!!!" he yelled as loudly as his Creepy Old voice would allow. "And I welcome ye to my CREEPY OLD COTTAGE OF DOOM in the CREEPY FOREST of CREEPYNESS!!!!!"

"Err... we were wondering if you knew something?" Beeurd asked.

"I... know everything... about Creepy Land. Be it past, present or future." said the Creepy Old Man.

"Cool!" Drake said.

"Will we die in here?!" said Mara hysterically.

"Yes...." The Creepy Old Man said. "You will all die... very very... horribly."

"Well that's nice to know..." said Ender.

"Way to go, Mara!" Tsl moaned, "You've just spoilt the whole story!"

"I'm soooorrry!" Mara said, I couldn't help it!

Just then that creepy monster caught up with them all, and ripped them apart and ate them, leaving the forest floor bloodstained. Then they all came back to life.

"What the..." Ender said, in shock.

"There....." said the Creepy Old Man. "I.... TOLD you... you all died... horribly."

"But we came back to life again" said Princess.

"Nice observational skills there, Prin." said Beeurd.

"Yes.... This is..... Creepy Land.... you know," said the Creepy Old Man. "Besides.... you never asked... if you would come back.... to life."

"Crazy Old Man...." said Furday. "I could make a story out of this..."

"That's CREEPY OLD MAN!!!!!" corrected the Creepy Old Man.

"Of Doom?" said CorSec.

"Exactly..." said the Creepy Old Man.

"Okay, okay... Let's just get on with it, shall we?" Rogue said.

"Creppy Old Man," said Beeurd, "where can we find our friend, Chickenman?"

"Well...." said the Creepy Old Man. "I will tell you... but at a price...."

"What price?" asked Rogue.

The Psychos looked uncertain as they awaited wat terrible task lay ahead, what price would the Creepy Old Man of Doom require?

The creepy old man reached into his desk and produced a pile of ten sheets of paper, all full of tiny tiny writing of a Creepy Language none of them understood. "That is your task..."

The Psychos gasped- none of them had a clue what to do!

"You... must find... me a PAPERCLIP... to keep these pages.... together.... they just keep getting... separated without one"

"Oh. That's it?" asked Beeurd.

"Yes..." said the Creepy Old Man. "Do you have... a... PAPERCLIP!?"

"I have one right here!" said Pod, who handed slotted it onto the corner of the pages and handed it back to the Creepy Old Man.

"Thankyou... Now... I will help... you." The Creepy Old Man thought for a moment. "You must go southwest... towards the Creepy tower... and over the jagged hills of... MIGGOWAGARGOBBLEWOB. Then... when you have slain the enormous... rabid tortoise of Gobblewob... proceed north... until you reach the hidden castle of... Stephen King, Where many creepy things... are born, and descend into the dungeons and find... the little cafe that sells nice little cakes of all varieties. In the storeroom of the little cafe that sells nice little cakes of all varieties... there is a secret passage... that leads to the cove of Captain Birdseye... where you must pay the ferryman... the price of two shillings... and he will take you across... to the Northern Creepy Continent. Once there... you will find your friend... Chickenman. BUT, not until you have passed the Seven Deadly Trials of the Giant Knights of Toothpaste... and climbed up to the very peak of Mount Death... and back down the other side. That is where Chickenman will be."

Meanwhile, Rogue was furiously typing all this onto her datapad so that they wouldn't forget.

"Hey, what was that bit about Stephen King?" TheUnknown asked.

"Shh!" Beeurd said. "So that is what we must do to find him?"

"I have... spoken it." Said the Creep Old Man. "So that is what you... must do. Unless you just want to catch the number 15B shuttle from that shuttleport across the road.... But my way is the more exciting... and adventurous."

The Psychos glared at him for wasting their time.

"What?" he said. "I'm paid by the minute... must drag it out... as... long... as... possible..."

"Let's go!" said Rogue.

The all piled onto the shuttle, then Pod ran back off and went up the Creepy Old Man.

"I'm taking this back!" She snatched the paperclip and ran back onto the shuttle.

"Bah... I knew she was going to do that..." said the Creepy Old Man, sadly.

The shuttle took off, and headed straight for wherever it was that Chickenman was.

[GreenEagle2005 0]

Alyson sat against the wall on her bed watching TV. Nothing was on! She rubbed her eyes and looked at her lap. On top of her Psychology book, that she should've been reading as she had a blasted test tomorrow, was the Star Wars Insider. She sighed and closed her psychology book. Another test failed apparently. Setting her alarm clock so that she'd wake up and be on time for once, Alyson went to bed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Alys!" a droning voice said.

"Another five minutes." she mumbled tucking her head underneath her arm. Mom always had to wake her up at the worst times in her dreams.

"Alys! WAKE UP!" the voice said as well as a foot in her side.

"Would you bloody well leave me alone?!?" she shouted bolting up and being reward with hitting her head on something hard. "OW YOU BLOODY SITH SPAWNED-"

SLAP

"HEY!" she scowled staring at the person.

"I have warned you about your use of offensive language." the man said.

"Uh..." Alyson stared at the guy, it just dawning on her that she didn't have her glasses on and htat she was seeing perfectly well. She studied him. A lightsaber? NO one she knew even liked Star Wars that much!

"Yessir." she said quietly.

"Come on. Alys."

Alyson stared. And what was with the Alys stuff. She moved to follow the guy. As she did she glanced up to see what she had hit her head on. Who put a bed under a block of wood?

"Uh. Excuse me what's your name again? Hitting my head has...driven everything from it."

"Guy."

"Ok." Alyson glanced around as she walked. Surprisingly memories came floating up. Memories of this place and of lessons and of other people. And of Guy and what he was.

Lightsaber didn't always mean Jedi, now did it?

"Oh sithspit." she muttered from under her breath. Alys began to wonder how she was going to get out of there.

[Tsl 7]

The shuttle filled with Psychoes landed in a giant meddow. The Psychoes and their surviving Jedi companions disembarked in single file to find Chickenman surrounded by a gaggle of peasants, all of whom were prostrated on the ground.

"Hiya, guys!" shouted Chicken. He waved enthusiastically, but was boxed in by the gaggle of peasants humbling themselves all around him, and was unable to make his way over to them. The psychoes were shocked to note that he was dreased head to toe in a tiger fur coat and hat which had been dyed purple.

Furday pointlaughed dispite himself, "Er...hehehe! Nice hat, Chicken!"

Chicken's face turned red and he leveled his golden sceptre at Furday. "You will show respect for the Crown!"

Furday stared, "No I won't. I'm American, we don't need no stinkin' crown!"

Beeurd, Drake, and Corsec howled with rage. "You will not disrespect the Crown!" Beeurd scowled impressively, while Drake and Corsec suddenly had giant clubs in their hands, which they waved around threateningly.

"Get them! Kill the infidels!" shouted King Chickenman.

Beeurd, Drake, and Corsec advanced on the others. The others forgot that they were armed with lightsabers, and cowered in fear. Untill....

"Umm...this is Star Wars," said Tsl.

"So?" asked Drake irritabely.

"Well..." she said carefully. "There is no England, and there is no America. There is only the GA, the Remnant, and the Vong. So....sorry, Chickenman, but you are King of a fictional kingdom for now. And Beeurd, Drake, and Corsec are defending a ficticious crown. Annnd the others are defending a ficticious country's ideal. So....quit it."

There were a few murmurs, and a couple blank stares, but mostly there were nods of agreement and understanding, and the sound of three wooden clubs being discarded harmlessly. There was also the sound of Chicken crying pitieously as the peasants he'd been bossing around turned on him.

"Heeelp! They're stoning mee!"

This gave all the Psychoes a chance to laugh together once again and to reunite after their brief civil unrest. Well...excepting Chicken, who was being burried slowly but surely under a pile of limestone.

"Now we should probably go to that Temple thingy and resuce Nomi......again," said Drake.

Just then, all four Teletubbies skipped past. The big purple one swatted Tsl with his purse.

"Oh God!" screamed Tsl. She crumpled to the ground as though she'd been shot.

[Princess 35]

Everyone gathered around TSL to help her up. She was cowering in fear and muttering something about feeling so dirty. Drake picked her up and whispered comforting words of evilness into her ears. They took off to destroy the evil Telletubbies.

Prin and the rest of the group walked deeper into the Creepy Temple. They heard screams all over and Prin heard a cry that she recognized immediately. She broke into a dead sprint and on the 1138th floor she found the most creepy sight of her life. Roomthing and Suitething were making out in the corner and poor Nomi was shoved in a crib, bawling at the sight. Prin rushed forawrd and scooped up Nomi, holding him close. Roomthing and Suitething rushed forward, screaming at her. Prin tossed Nomi to Pod, who giggled and held him close.

"You have interfered for the last time Suitething. For stealing my baby, you will die."

"Your power cannot overcome the power of my creepiness."

"You may be creepy, but I have something you don't. I have the Force!" Prin sommersaulted over Suitething but was overpowered by the smell of Roomthing's soap. "Furday! Help me!"

Furday rushed forward and grabbed a bowcaster. Snarling, he loaded it and fired off two quick shots at Roomthing and then Prin cleared her head and ignited her lightsaber. With a quick swipe, she decapitated Suitething and deactivated her lightsaber. Furday took one more shot. "What," he asked as everyone looked at him. "He was twitching."

Pod handed Nomi back to Prin and Prin hugged him close. Nomi squealed with delight and wiggled out of Prin's arm to gnaw on Suitething's leg. "Nomi, sweetie, don't eat that, it'll make you sick. When we defeat the Creepy Gods, you can gnaw on some of them."

[Andy 60]

Just then Drake and Tsl came back from their Tellytubby hunt.

"Can we get back to the story now please?" said Beeurd moodily.

"Yeah, everythings fine now." Prin said. She sat Nomi down on a rock and turned to check that Roomthing and Suitething were indeed dead.

"Right," said Rogue, "if we get the number 1 shuttle in 3 minutes time, that will take us back out of Creepy Land.

"How do you know that, Rogue?" asked Furday.

"Psychic powers." Rogue answered bluntly.

The Psychos oooohed and aaaahed.

"Not really," said Rogue, "it says up there on that sign."

The Pyschos looked up at the sign Rogue was pointing to, which read Number 1 shuttle arrives in 3 minutes time to take you out of Creepy Land.

Suddenly a gasp was heard from Tsl, and they all turned round to see a hidious winged beast with piercing red eyes, sharp teeth and scales as black as the blackest black thing. Ever.

"Help!" Tsl cried, "it's a hidious winged beast with piercing red eyes, sharp teeth and scales as black as the blackest black thing... EVER!!"

Drake got out a checklist from his pockets, and started checking boxes on the list. Eventually he stopped and looked up. "Well," he said, "there is a 98% chance that this is an evil beast!"

"Wow..." said Ender. "His powers of deduction are amazing."

"Yeah," said Drake, "and anyone who says otherwise will be deducted several limbs."

The beast spoke in a deep raspy voice. "Have you finished talking?"

"Err... Yes!" said Rogue nervously.

"Good." The beast stomped over and picked up Nomi. "I have come to take this strange little being to the Creepiest Temple."

"Noooooooooooooooooo!!!" shrieked Prin.

"Geez, Prin." said Beeurd, "stop hogging the plot."

"Meh!" Prin said, and continued wailing as the beast took Nomi away to the Creepiest Temple.

"Wait... Aren't we already at the Creepy Temple?" asked Mara

"It said the Creepiest Temple..." said Beeurd... "What could be creepier than this?"

Drake and Tsl grinned evilly as another group of Tellytubby clones skipped past.

Pod shuddered. "Let's just get out of here"

"Uhh... I dunno where to go..." Rogue muttered then picked up a phone at the shuttlebay.

A voice spoke immediatly. "Thankyou for using Creepshuttles. If you would like travel information for the Central Creepy Continent press 1 now, for the Northern Creepy Continent press 2 now, for the Eastern Creepy continent press 3 now..."

"Which continent were we on again? Rogue asked.

"Umm... North." Beeurd said, after looking back in the story to remind himself.

"...or to repeat the options press 9 now."

Rogue pressed 9.

"Thankyou for using Creepshuttles. If you would like travel information for the Central Creepy Continent press 1 now, for the Northern Creepy Continent press 2 now"

Rogue pressed 2.

"For shuttle times, if you know the number of the shuttle, press 1 now. If you don't have a clue what the hell you are doing press 2 now."

Rogue pressed 2.

"If you would like to speak to a real dead telephone operative please hold, otherwise put the phone down and stop wasting our time. Thankyou."

Rogue waited on hold for ages, while creepy music played.

* * * * *

Three days later, the Psychos had built a little camp in the middle of the Creepy Temple, while Rogue waited on hold. Finally she got an answer.

"BOO! How can I help?" a Creepshuttles operator said.

After Rogue had been revived by the other Psychos, she replied. "Hi, we are in the Creepy Temple, and we are trying to get to the Creepiest Temple. But we don't know how."

"Oh, I'm sorry, but we don't do shuttles to the Creepiest Temple."

"Well, do you know where it is?" Rogue asked.

"Of course, it is directly above the Creepy Temple!"

Mara leaned out of a window and looked up. "Hey, I can see it!"

"No, no. That is the Creepier Temple you can see. The Creepiest Temple is above that."

"So how do we get there?"

"There is a very long ladder."

"Uhh... okay. Thanks." Rogue ended the call.

"A very long ladder?" asked Ender.

"Yep..." Rogue said sadly, "we better go look for it."

So the Psychos set off again, after waking Furday who was still asleep, and snoring very loudly. Soon they came to the very to of the Creepy Temple, and found the ladder which lead to the Creepier Temple that hovered above them.

And after that, they found a ladder at the top of the Creepier Temple that lead to the Creepiest Temple, which hovered even higher above that.

And eventually they made it to the Creepiest Temple in Creepy Land.

"My arms hurt..." moaned several of the Psychos.

"Heh..." Beeurd laughed. "Should have become an Angel of Darkness like me!"

Beeurd had flown up and had a snack at the Creepiest Temple bar while he waited for the rest to catch up.

"Damn," Ender muttered, "my wrist aches so much."

"What have you been doing?" Furday snickered.

"BAD Horny Wookiee!" Prin scolded, and hit him over the head with a frying pan.

"Hey...." Furday said, as a story formulated itself into his mind, "the other week, me and some guys from college went on a road trip..."

"Oh, now look what you've done!" Drake sighed.

"I'll go get the drinks in." said Beeurd.

"And I'll get some snacks!" said CorSec.

When they got back to the rest of them, Furday was still telling his story. Beeurd handed out various drinks, and CorSec passed round packets of cheeze.

"Cheeze?" Tsl asked incredulously.

"What?" asked CorSec, "You were expecting me to get something else?"

* * * * *

After Furday's story, they continued up to the top of the Creepiest Temple, ehere they came across a room filled with demons and all kinds of creepy things, and they were sitting down to a feast.

Prin screamed. "NOMI!!!!"

The evil beats had barbequed Nomi and were sitting down for lunch. Most of the Psychos gasped in horror.

Drake spoke first. "Now that is evil."

Edited October 9, 2004 by beeurd

[Bad furday 57]

Furday was relieved, as now they didn't need to go galavanting everywhere with a baby in tow.

"Finally, Prin will stop hogging the plot!" cackled Furday.

In response, a random evil beast tore off Nomi's barbequed arm and began gnawing on it with gusto.

Prin screamed again and burried her face in her hands.

Amost instantly, a multitude of flashbulbs went off around Prin, barbequed Nomi, and the evily creepy beasts at the table.

The other Psychos were temporarily blinded.

Furday cackled.

"This will be excellent coverage in Psycho Weekly! Whenever I put out the next issue that is..."

The others' vision was returning to normal, and they all glared at the dark blurry shape that they assumed was Furday.

"Tinky Winky!" cried the purple teletubby.

He pranced up to Tsl, smacked her on the ass with his red bag (that does sound incredibly subliminal, doesn't it?), and skipped over to the crying Princess.

Smiling stupidly, he offered her a roasted leg of Nomi.

Prin howled even more.

An enraged Drake comforted Tsl, shot lecherous glances at Tinky Winky, and quickly read through a small guide titled, "How to Bring the Whoop-Ass to a Teletubby".