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Ender

Ongoing Comedy 2: When You Wish Upon a Star Wars.

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CorSec

CorSec awoke groggily. He had been dreaming of cheeze-flavoured donuts, and donut flavoured cheezes. Drool was collecting in a bucket underneath his face. He shook his head and wished he hadn't. A few litres of blood dripped onto the floor.

"Ouch" He muttered.

He noticed someone standing over him. A seemingly friendly figure, a nice, relaxing figure...

...with a knife.

She reached down and stabbed CorSec

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" He yelped. His eyesight finally kicked into gear and he noticed it was Prin.

"Holy flying poop of a monkeys uncle! You just stabbed me!"

"I'm afraid we're sacrificing you to the gods. Anyway, calm down and let me finish. It'll only hurt a bit. Unless I forgot the sedatives." She looked around for them madly.

"Well," she said, "In that case, it'll hurt a lot."

"Oh. That's reassuring. Thanks" CorSec grumbled.

CorSec frantically thought of every escape possibility, and then rejected each of them. "Too risky" he decided. Instead, he reached for the nearest thing he could find, a box of toothpicks. "Ah," He thought, "Sticks would be proud".

He flung open the box and held a collection of toothpicks menacingly, before slowly making his way into the corner of this very, very round room.

"Back! Have at thee!" He yelled at the collection of people standing around the operating table as if they enjoyed seeing him cut to pieces. Which they probably did...

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Sticks

Sticks rushed towards Princess and Furday, but stopped as she realized they were approaching a rather crapy looking sail barge. They're gonna ride that thing?!? Sticks thought to herself. If they were that desperate, something had to be wrong...terribly wrong. Sticks frowned and watched them walk onto the barge, then quietly followed them up, quickly finding a hiding spot inside.

What she saw made her laugh. How delightful, a sacrafice! she thought and peered out from behind some crates at a person lying on a table, dripping blood everywhere. Princess stood above the figure, holding a knife. She watched as Princess stabbed the figure, then, much to her suprise, the figure jumped up and produced a number of toothpicks.

Sticks' eyes widened as she realized it was CorSec. She blinked and jumped out from behind the crate. "CorSec--"

She barely got his name out when she felt a stab of pain, and looked down to see a toothpick protruding from her chest. "Ouch, what was that for?!? Now really, that whole toothpick thing was my idea, CorSec! Copycat! Who said you could use it as a weapon?!? Huh? And stabbing your own girlfriend?" Sticks shook her head...then collapsed.

"Um...erm..." CorSec stammered in suprised. "It was...uh...it was Beeurd!"

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Andy

As they walked back, Beeurd sighed. "Damn, I wish I knew what was going on here..."

"Well," Anakin said, "whenever I'm confused I just call for Bob!"

"Bob?"

"Yeah, Bob!" Anakin grinned. "He's my invisible friend"

"Okay... Now they never mentioned that in any of the books..."

"What books? Are you mad?" asked Anakin.

"Yes, I quite possibly am." replied Beeurd. "So, where is Bob? I can't see him here."

"Of course you can't, he's invisible!"

Hmm... Beeurd thought. Ouch, that hurts... I wonder, could it be the same Bob that we had in the original story?

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Sticks

Everything stood still on the sail barge for a moment, then all at once everything was back in motion. CorSec pulled his toothpick out of Sticks and held it up menacingly. "Stay back!"

Furday and Princess almost roared with laughter, which only made CorSec even more confuzled. He frowned. "What?"

"Uh...nothing...you just continue on threatening us with your broken toothpick, CorSec," Prin snickered.

CorSec looked down at the bloody toothpick in his hand and gasped. Half of it was broken off! What was he going to do now? Prin had a knife and he held half of a toothpick. "Uh...anyone up for some cheeze?" He pulled some moldy cheeze out of his pocket and offered it to the others.

The others gagged. "That's nasty! Really now, CorSec, you should clean out your pockets once in a while," Prin cried, clutching her stomach.

CorSec shrugged. "All the more for me," he said, and took a bite before stuffing it back in his pocket.

Prin smiled evily. "Now, where were we? Oh yes, I believe I was about to sacrafice someone here...hmm...oh, yes. CorSec...come here, little boy! Come to mamma! Come on, come here, boy!" She whistled than patted on her legs.

CorSec stared at her blankly. "Umm...right...about that." Then a thought struck him and threatened to kill him. "Ouch!!!" CorSec cried.

"What?!?"

"I just had a thought," he said, rubbing his temples. "I let you sacrafice me, then I use my handly little regenerator thingie to bring myself back to life. That way we're both happy!"

"Hmm...that might work. Alright, lay on the table and think about...pink ponies or something, while I stab you and let all your blood drain from you. Got it?"

Sticks choose that moment to groan, roll over, and stand up. "I'm ok...in case anyone was wondering ...ouch...that'll leave a mark." She turned to CorSec and put her hands on her hips. "What the hell is going on here?!?"

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Princess

Princess let out an evil laugh as she jammed the dagger down into CorSec's aorta. Blood spurted everywhere and CorSec let out a girlish scream of doom as the blood pulsed from his body. As everyone waited for CorSec to die, they chatted about how warm it was on Tattooine and how they couldn't wait to get off from this Force forsaken planet.

Soon CorSec was dead, and the sailbarge started beautifully on the first try. Furday and Mara ran up to the control room and started driving the barge to Mos Espa, so that they could all head for Vaselkyjellia and find out where the rest of the psychos were and where they were all supposed to rondevouz.

Suddenly Sticks jumped at CorSec and jabbed him again with her lightsaber.

"What was that for," Princess asked her.

"He was twitching. I couldn't let him live long enough to curse us all. You can bring him back to life when we get onboard the Jade Fire. We have to save the galaxy," Sticks continued to monologue in melodramatic form and Prin grabbed the handy regenerating device from the clone wars and started to idly play with it.

Hmmmm, mutant space slug drag queen with fiber optic high speed neurons. I wonder what that button does, Prin thought and set the handy regenerating device to the clone wars from that.

A crash came from the control room and Sticks and Prin ran up to see what kind of trouble Furday and Mara were getting into. They were hardly surprised to see Furday telling Mara dirty stories and Mara throwing stuff at him to keep him away. Sticks went and started throwing thermal detonators at Furday. Prin ducked for cover and waited for the explosion but it didn't come. Prin looked over to the detonator and poked it with a stick, the detonator clicked and exploded getting jello everywhere. Sticks groaned, "All right guys, who insta-cloned the thermal detonators?"

Mara looked guilty and shrugged, "I didn't know what that machine in the corner would do"

Furday looked gleeful. "JELLO WRESTLING!"

All the girls just shot him a death stare. Luckily they were at Mara's ship and Prin went and regenerated CorSec. As she pressed the button she remembered what she had set it to and watched as CorSec regenerated into a space slug wearing a silver lame minidress with long blonde hair, and robotic eyes that had long sparkly eyelashes.

"Huh huh huh, I'm Queen CorSeccia. You will worship me!"

Prin just glared at him and motioned for him to join the others on the Fire and ran on herself, eager to give Mara the coordinates for home.

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Ender

***

The NSE fleet arrived at Corellia, in the middle of a Gungan/Vong invasion fleet.

Drake seemed to get claustrophobic, surrounded by all the enemy ships. He started into hysterics. "Bartenders, battle stations! Pilots, to your monkey lizards! Lindir, get in your purse! ALL IS LOST!! ALL IS LOST!! I MUST SET MYSELF ON FIRE!!"

Suddenly, the world flashed, and they were atop the city of Minas Tirith, with Drake looking exactly like Denethor. Janson, looking like Faramir, awoke from his unconciousness. He felt no pain. In fact, he felt stronger than he ever had. He rose to his feet.

"Hey, this wasnt in the book!" Janson said.

"Tell me about it." Fett, looking like Peter Jackson, scratched something out in the book he was holding, titled "RotK Movie Script".

"Gandalf, where the hell are you?" Janson asked.

"Er, I guess I'm Lindalf now." Tsl looked like a female Gandalf.

"What is up with this place?" Janson asked.

Drake was still raving about setting himself on fire, desperately trying to light a match. Janson walked over and punched him a couple times.

"Snap the hell out of it! Now, how do we get out of here?" Janson asked, looking around at all the Psychos who were on Apocalypse, all looking appropriately Lord of the Rings-esque.

Another flash, and Pod ran up to Janson. She looked like a female Pippin.

Everyone started snickering.

"What?" she asked.

"Oh, nothing." Drake said, now come to his senses.

"Yeah, looking good, Pod." Janson said, stifling a snicker.

Pod looked down at her feet. "Sithspit."

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Pandora

Pod found herself staring UP at everything and everyone. "Awwwww phooey. Why a Hobbit? I could have been an Elf, a human, an Orc, a nameless gaurd, ANYTHING! But noooooooo, i have to turn into a Hobbit!." She shuffled over to a mirror to survey the damage. "Well... I suppose it COULD be worse... at least I'm the cuter Hobbit."

She silenced the remainder of the giggles and snickers with a single firey outburst and a threatening display of half-sized Devil powers she had to work twice as hard to produce, then scurried off to find an apple or something to munch on.

Short, yes. Oh well. This is what happens when you're months behind and a tad bit tipsy...

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Sticks

Sticks stared in astonishment at the new and improved Queen CorSeccia. "Uh..." She slowly backed away from him/her and bit her lip. "I...you...um...interesting. You look hideous, if I do say so myself, CorSec," she stated, then turned to the others. "How soon will we be there? I'm finding myself rather anxious to get off this sail barge..."

Queen CorSeccia looked hurt, and screeched in a high-pitched voice, "Well, fine then! If you will not bow, I will be forced to kill you all!"

Sticks laughed. "How ya gonna do that? Smother us with your big chest? Or are you going to choke us all with that long blone hair of yours? Or how about you drown us in all that goo covering you? Or is there a poison covering those fake eyelashes of yours that you're going to shove down our mouths?" Sticks left the room, still laughing.

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Roethlisberger

Fett found himself s######ing at Pod's transformation.

"Don't be so quick to laugh, Drake," Fett mused. "You're the one on fire."

"Oh yeah?" replied Drake. "Not anymore!"

Drake runs off a thousand foot cliff into a 5 feet deep river.

"I wouldn't talk either, Fett," Tsl said, matter-of-factly. "You gained at least 150 pounds!"

Fett makes the quick decision to go on Atkins.

"I'm not the only one with a beard, Tsl," said Fett with an evil grin.

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JainaSolo;)*

(ooo...can I join now?) :question: (here it is, my new line: what's going on here?)

Maddi glanced over her shoulder at her four friends, who were bopping in a strange sort of way to the rap music. Her boyfriend not here (out playing laser tag, grr) and her friends pretending that they could dance, the night was young and dull. She usually didn't do these sort of things, but they had dragged her into it. y'know, it's been a while since I posted anywhere online... she thought suddenly. the music wasn't interesting in the slightest and God knows she can't dance, so...

glad that this was at her school and glad that her science teacher was guarding the gate, she easily slipped past him into the darkened school. sleepy because of the run they had taken to get there and because of the random line dances and other things you do at homecomming, she booted up a computer in the darkened computer lab with no problems.

I should read the NJO again...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Opening the eyes she had shut to ease the dry stinging from looking at the computer screen in the dark for about two hours straight, she discovered that she wasn't in the lab any more.

"Are you okay, Jaina?" a voice asked from behind her.

"What?" she exclaimed, spinning around. someone who was obviously a Jedi was holding a practice lightsaber. looking down at herself, she found that she was wearing a flight suit and holding a pratice saber of her own. Silver-blue eyes quickly realized that she was no longer in the dress she had worn earlier. Her thick orange-blonde hair was tied up out of her face, and she was wearing standard boots instead of heels. Good, all good thus far...

"You really should pay more attention when you're dueling, even with pratice sabers."

"..." she blinked, confused. It was apparent that she wasn't where she had been before, but thank God she was finally weraring pants. Maybe this could be used to her advantage after all...no school, no sisters, no parents, no annoyances. and...she was holding a lightsaber.

but unlike the other Psychos, there was no enlightening flash of memory that met her that day. adventuring in the star wars universe with her rusty knowledge of what was going on and where she was and how to speak to aliens, she was a catastrophy waiting to happen.

not to mention that some well-placed questions revealed that she was in the NJO era..

Jedi Punks were much easier to understand... she thought ruefully, wishing that she knew where the others were and what was going on. maybe I'll go find some ewoks, I don't recall much mention of them in the series...

Edited by JainaSolo;)*

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Tsl

"Beard?" Cel looked down at herself and saw a long, fluffly gray beard that hung all the way down past her waist. "What the--?"

Fett giggled maliciously. Cel shot him an evil glare of doom. Janson pointlaughed at them both.

"It's too much...this is too much. First I get Gungan ears, now I've got a big ol' beard half as long as I am tall...and a big pointy white hat, and--" She paused and gasped as she realized what she was now wearing. "And long white robes! White!? That's what good guys wear! I can't be wearing white..." She broke down into hysterical sobbing.

Fett's malicious giggling turned into more of a malicious snickering. "Not only that, but your boyfriend just set himself on fire and jumped off a really big cliff into a very small river." He cackled. It was really quite disturbing to hear.

Cel, however, merely shrugged, wiping her tears away with a giant white sleave. "Ah, he's survived worse...I'm sure he'll bounce back and be good as new in no time."

Sure enough, just then Drake hit the water far below, bounced off and came flying back up to the top of the cliff. He landed gracefully, brushed himself off and nodded a greating to those gathered on the bridge. "Hey, homies! What'd I miss?"

Fett's cackling ceased abruptly. "Damn..."

Janson looked extremely disappointed as well. "Damn..."

Cel stuck her tongue out at both of them.

Drake finally seemed to notice that something was different about all those onboard. "LOTR? Cool. Whoa! The Apoc's bridge looks like Minas Tirith! Too cool! Hey, I look Denethorish.... Sweet!" He looked around at the others. "Janson is Faramir? Go you, man!" He gives Janson a thumbs up. "Pod is...Pippin?" He giggled, then rememberd himself and switched to a cackle. "And Cel is...Gandalf?"

Cel blushed and looked generally miserable. She grabbed hold of the end of her beard and appeared to be attempting to yank it off. "Ow ow ow...."

Drake grinned. "Very sexy, love!"

Cel merely blinked. Everyone else looked kind of ill.

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Bad furday

The group was onboard the Jade's Fire, heading towards Vaselkyjellia.

Strangely, they were bored, despite the fact that all were actually living in the Star Wars galaxy.

"Are we there yet?" whined Queen CorSeccia, rather sluggishly.

Both Prin and Sticks prodded CorSeccia, making him emit a rather girly squealing noise.

A cackle was heard, signaling Furday and Mara's entry into the passenger cabin of the Fire.

Prin looked worried.

Mara went over to the holographic pool table, whilst Furday reclined in a chair, and busied himself with some magazines.

Beila and Teemto discussed the upcoming podracing season.

"Looky what I found folks!" cried Furday, holding up a travel brochure for Vaselkyjellia.

He read aloud,

"Does your relationship appear to be dry? Are you and your loved one experiencing unwanted friction? Then come and experience lush, pleasurable, Vaselkyjellia!

Vaselkyjellia! Once you're here, it's smooth sailing! "

Beila s######ed.

Furday cackled, as CorSeccia slithered away in horror.

Princess groaned. This was going to be a long trip.

*cackles*

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Mara

*wonders how got from closet, to running to control room.... *

I didn't get to describe my unfortunate outfit. ;-p Hmmm... is flashback allowed?

I'm hoping I can assume the Mara you meant was me...

Mara tosses the holographic cue ball at Furday after yet another Vaselkyjellia comment.

"I'm trying to play here!" She grumbled and went back to her aiming with a spare cue ball. Then swore to herself as she missed yet again. Mumbles, "You'd think holographic pool would be easier than real pool, but nooooo......"

Finishing up, the computer brain winning against her again, she stood up and pondered how she had got there....

--------

Jumping out of the closet with a slave girl'ish outfit on, she crept through the ship looking for the familiar people she had seen. "Damn, this is hard to walk in.." referring to the full green skirt with slits up to her thighs, and the bangly silver shoes she slapped on. Not to mention the barely there green metal top.

Quickening her steps she ran through the barge, sensing a sense of urgency. Finally she skidded into a room, where CorSec was being sacrificed. What the hell!?

After he moaned his last, everyone else happened to look up and see her.

"Yay! It's Mara!" Furday screamed and cackled.

Princess answered, "Good, you're here, now go to the control room with Furday."

Then she and Furday ran off to the control room.

"C'mon, Furrie, let's get this thing moving."

Furday, "Yes, I can do it."

"No, I can."

"No, you can't. I can."

"No, I best do it."

"No way! I've this plenty of times on my GameCube!J" Furday screamed.

"So what?! This isn't a video game!" Mara yelled back, picking up a loose book and chucking it at him.

That's when Princess and Sticks intervened...

---

Having put in the coordinates, Mara headed the ship to Vaselkyjellia.

Turning on the auto pilot, she headed back into the lounge area to find something to do..

----

"Are you dead, Mara?" giggled Furday.

She snapped out of it, "Huh?"

"Oh, guess not... " he flings the cue ball back at her.

"Ouch! FURRIE!!!!!!" Mara grabbed a pool cue and started chasing Furday with it all over the ship. Meanwhile the others just sat there calmly, like it was old hat.

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JainaSolo;)*

:???: (and now to meet up with someone...hmm...)

"A meeting?" JainaSolo;)* exclaimed, staring at the small yet helpful datapad in her hands. Blinking in confusion (which seems to happen alot lately) she kicked back on the top of the Jedi Temple.

Since she held the key to existance in this story (this being a datapad), it had only been a matter of time before she took over the other Jedi that happened to be running about on wherever she was. Still unable to figure out where exactly she should be, even though the entire story was sitting in her hands just waiting for her to get smart and go back and figure out what was going on, she beckoned to one of her mindless Jedi minions. "too bad they're all insti-clones of the real things..." real Jedi would have been too much trouble to command, and the insti-clones were tractable and tasted good when they exploded in confusion..."mmm, jello..."

aware now that there were several groups of psychos somewhere else in the galaxy and too lazy to figure out exactly where, she began to type furiously on her datapad. what she wrote, we're going to ignore. but the next thing anyone could comprehend, she was holding a small com unit in her hands and dialing up Furday, Prin, and Mara.

"hi. what do you mean, who are you? you know me! I haven't posted anything interesting in a year or so, but you know me! don't make me use my jedi mind powers. yes, I know the rest of you are jedi too. doesn't mean I can't write into the story that you remember me!" the insti-cloned jedi were baffled. what was their master babbling about to her hand? no one saw the com unit, just the blonde girl in the flightsuit chattering away as if there was someone else there, listening...

"yes, I noticed that the rest of you are meeting somewhere. ...where am I? see, that's the thing, I have no idea! there are jedi and insti-clones, and some temples and what looks like a forest. my guess is Yavin4, but I don't know where I should be and thus I have no clue where i am. is this making any sense? yeah, I know I am insane. right. what? who ever said anything about a blended ewok farm? that was never in the books! I'm sitting on top of a blended ewok factory? are you feeling okay? there are jedi and lots of trees...I guess that it is yavin4! is that even the right templey planet thingy? okay, then I at least remember that..."

"...master?" one of the insti-clones ventured. they were ignored, because they aren't importent at the immediate moment.

"so you're saying that you want me to create an army of insti-clones with my datapad, confuse them, and flood the planet with jello? why? the jello is good, yes, but it won't be helping any of the psychos find the other psychos. hmm...i see the logic behind it, yes, but... what if someone has a terrible allergy to jello? yes, I know I'm trying to get out of making an army of insti-clones. what would we do with them? yes...yes, we could, but...okay, I'll do it. okay! just...oh, i dunno, find me in a little while and help me confuse them."

"...m-master?"

"the explosion would have to be someplace that all the psychos would be headed to, though, not on the little planet I'm on. no one would really care that wherever I am has been flooded with jello. so tell whoever cares that if they want to help create an evil army of insti-cloes-- yes, they have to be evil...evil I say! tell anyone who wants to command an evil army of insti-clones to meet me on Coruscant and we'll take it from there. then again, there is the possibility that the Vong will notice our happy insti-clone army of evil doom and attack somehow. right, so I'll wait to confuse them until after they've eaten the Vong. yeah, I remember that if you eat the jello you turn into an insti-clone. oooh, good plan. right. well, I'll try to break my shameless addiction to the jello and head for Coruscant to create my evil army of doom, and you can call me there. okay, bye!"

shutting off the com and turning around to berate the persistant little insti-clone for interrupting her twice, JainaSolo;)* was momentarily shocked to see that the insti-clones were bursting with confusion. then she was just covered in the jello she swore recently to stop eating. trying not to shovel the yummy insti-remains into her mouth, she waded her way across the top of the temple and down to the singular x-wing in the entire place, getting inside.

"still haven't gotten past the death star in rogue leader on my gamecube, probably won't get off the planet..." she thought grimly as she marveled at the ship. "oh, well. at least I'm not luke skywalker and i don't have any issues with stepping over small landing cones and walking around walls." (luke should be able to jump in RL, grr.) stuffing a spare insti-clone into the back of the x-wing, how I do not know, and getting a very shaky takeoff, she clicked some buttons and stared blankly at the controls. "knew I should have had more paitence with that game..." she muttered, writing into her datapad that she was an excellent pilot and had no problems getting through hyperspace to coruscant. moments later the previously mentioned planet made itself known by bashing into her ship.

grabbing her insti-clone and running from the crash site, she set out on the city-planet to find someplace suitable for cloning the psychos an army. maybe this time through the NJO she could take things into her own hands...make sure that the Jaina/Jag thing ended properly, and allow a new party to take part in the war--the psychopaths.

(that was bad, delete it if you want. I'm sick and I have this week off school, so expect some more interesting posts. watched forty-three episodes of invader zim yesterday, don't plan to repair my brain any time soon...)

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Roethlisberger

Fett realized something.

"We've been sitting here for a week!" Fett exclaimed. "We could've taken over a small planet by now, or corrupted billions of people's minds through the Holonet. I think the second one is a pretty good idea, but that's just me."

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Bad furday

The Jade's Fire was fast approaching Vaselkyjellia.

Furday and Mara were in the cockpit, preparing for entry into the planet's atmosphere. Prin was in the passenger compartment with the others, looking over schematics of the royal palace.

A voice crackled over the ship's intercom.

" Jade's Fire, this is Vaselkyjellia Traffic Control. Please head towards the following coordinates and prepare for insertion. Thank you!"

Furday cackled as he typed in the coordinates, while Mara glared at him.

Heading down through the planet's mostly cloudless atmosphere, they were briefed on Vaselkyjellia customs and traditions.

"Alright you lot....now, let's see..." Prin read from a datapad. "Ah yes...It is customary to go naked on Vaselkyjellia. Clothes are most definately optional!"

Furday snickered and took off his shirt. Beila, who was covered in fur and wore nothing, shrugged and gave a wild grin.

CorSeccia gasped in horror, as did Sticks.

"Wait! What do you care?! You're a slug!" cried Sticks, giving CorSeccia a swift kick.

Mara shook her head, as did Teemto.

Returning to the cockpit, Furday guided the ship onto the assigned landing pad. Raindrops partially obscured the viewports.

Furday returned to the group in the passenger compartment.

"Now, I need to smuggle myself into the royal palace," Prin was saying. " Any ideas on how to get in?"

"Backdoor!" cried Furday. Some of the others groaned.

Prin looked at the schematics again.

"Well..there is this secret entrance here....it's a tight fit...and the walls are wet and slippery. Hmmm...I suppose we'll make it up as we go along."

Laughing, The others followed Prin towards the boarding ramp and out of the ship.

Vaselkyjellia was warm and humid. Despite the rain, the temperature was high. One could feel a great deal of moisture in the air.

Furday stared up at the rain, squinted, and then ran a hand through his hair.

His hand came away glistening with a clear, slime-like coating.

"That's not rain!" cried Fuday.

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Andy

(( OMG furday... Bad horny wookiee! ))

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Princess

Prin tried to avoid looking at CorSeccia and considered killing him again just to rid him from her sight. She was the Princess of this planet after all. She could do as she wished.

It was so nice being home again, Prin navigated the narrow walkways with practiced ease. Of course all of the moisture in the air, thicker than the rain on other planets because of the atmospheric contents of Vaselkyjellia . It was thicker and stickier than everyone else was used to, but to Princess it was like taking the first bite of fresh ambrosia. The heavy rain made it easier to navigate the tight corners.

Princess couldn't stand it anymore, she did a backflip out into the middle of the street and burst out in song. "I'm home! Home! I never thought I'd feeeeeeeeeeeeeeel, this MOIST, rain on my skin! Glistening. Slippery n wet! I'm hooooooooooooooooooooome! Home!"

Furday howled and joined in "Can I go through your backdoor? I'm ready and waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiting! I want you! Can you tell me yes? I promise I'll be gennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnntle!"

Mara threw a nearby rock at Furday, he growled and danced across the street. Mara started singing, "Furry, your innuendo's annoying. You never let it up. If you don't stop it soon, my foot is going up your"

"Grass!" Sticks joined in. "It's all over. But the bushes are all nicely trimmed. The trees all stand tall and it's beautiful."

"I'm to sexy for my manhood, too sexy for my manhood, so sexy yeah." CorSeccia started singing until everyone just glared at him.

Prin started singing again. "I'm hooooooooooooooooooooome. Home where I belong." Prin ended the song by doing the splits in the middle of a busy intersection, with hovercraft doing a circle around her.

Looking around Prin noticed that they had reached the backdoor. It was a small puckered enterance. It was going to be a tight squeeze, especially for CorSeccia. "All right guys, we're at the backdoor to the palace. The rain here will make it easier to get in, it's going to be a tight squeeze. Of course, once the first person gets through, it will be easier. Mara, you're the smallest of us here, you'll go first, then Sticks, then CorSeccia, then I'll go, and Furdaddy, you can bring up the rear. Are we ready?"

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JainaSolo;)*

"soooo...what's cooler than an army of insti-clones? hmm..."

"Empress, they're ready," one of JainaSolo;)*'s clone minions told her, hesitantly approaching her throne. She glanced up and nodded, following the drone out onto a balcony.

Beneath the balcony were hundreds of cloned soldiers, all filing into battle cruisers. She smiled slightly and then was hit with a wave of de ja vou.

"I've seen this scene before somewhere...could it be...episode two?" she thought for a moment before chucking an empty blended ewok can into the mass of warriors. "nah!"

her can caused a sort of stampeding rippling effect through the drones. she watched with interest for a moment before deciding that she was really bored. consulting her datapad, she discovered that several other Psychos were on a nearby world called...

"WHAT? I don't remember that one at all!" she exclaimed, reading the post again with wide eyes. "As a matter of fact, I'm almost for sure this entire planet is some sort of sick joke!"

she thought for a moment, wondering what to do next. And then it hit her as a ton of bricks. Lying on the ground because ideas tended to hurt her head, she moaned and realized what it was she had realized a moment before she realized it.

"cooler than a clone army? a REMOTE CONTROLLED clone army!"

with that thought, she left her instructions with the midless clone and hopped into her ship, heading for the odd world of Vaselkyjella...which she still truly didn't understand, but that's a common thing nowadays, so we'll just assume that she ends up somewhere that she's supposed to be.

the surprising thing was when she discovered that news of the clone army had spread across the galaxy faster than a sick joke, and she was being recognized as ruler by all.

"Hey, this is pretty cool. I wonder how long it will be before one of the psychos pulls rank on me and takes over being empress...but let's not worry about that and party instead!"

and with that last statement (no really, that's the last one for now), she hopped up from the throne in the palace of that Vaselky place and began to boogie to the odd sounds coming from outside. LIstening harder, she realized that it sounded rather like singing...

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CorSec

Navigating the thick slimey backdoor was difficult for CorSeccia, the largest of the group. One had to feel sorry for those who went behind him/her, who were forced to deal with the thick slime in the atmosphere, as well as the phosphorescent gooey trail that pooled behind him...her.

Suddenly, as if by sheer chance, CorSeccia tripped and fell into a plothole, ridding herself of the presence of all the underlings in the tunnel.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" She cried, as she fell down the ever narrowing tunnel of plot-like doom.

***

"Err...what was that?" muttered Sticks.

"Oh...nothing. CorSeccia just decided to take a break. Let's hurry" said Prin. Nervously, she looked left and right, hoping that she was finally free of the slug's odour.

***

CorSec landed hard on a white floor. He gazed upwards at the emptyness around him. It was completely white, giving him no measure of distance or location. He turned around and saw Morpheus standing there.

"This is the Plothole, related to the Datapd. It is our loading program. We can load anything from sub-plut-holes, to random extras, extra coffee, or a convienient backdoor, anything we need," explained Morpheus

"Right now....I'm inside a Plothole?" Exclaimed CorSec.

"Is it really so hard to belive? Your clothes are different. Your no longer semi-female. You've regained your former look," Replied Morpheus

"This is....too much...I.." CorSec fails to let the words out and trips, sending him reeling into a sub-plot-hole of semi-doom.

***

CorSec stood up. Everything was dark, in contrast to his recent plot hole adventure.

"Welcome, young CorSec. I have been expecting you." muttered a hooded character walking closer.

CorSec peers at the hooded figure defiantly.

"Guards, leave us." He commands.

Two red-cloaked guards turn and disappear behind the elevator.

"I'm looking forward to completing your training. In time you will call me Master," sneered the figure.

"You're gravely mistaken. You won't convert me as you did my father, Darth EU Continuity Error," said CorSec, recognizing the scene...

"Oh, no, my young Jedi. You will find that it is you who are mistaken...about a great many things." cackled the figure, "I am not who you think I am. For I, the Emperor of the Continuity Error Imperium, am all-powerful. I...am George Lucas. I have created my Empire from a solid trilogy of movies, making my word the word of Life itself. The Expanded Universe was only created by some error in book-keeping. My life has been dedicated to destroying and ignoring it. Still, you and your group of Rebels have constantly fought me, yet cherished my every word. A sick irony, yes? Still, I always have my faithful servant, Darth EU Continuity Error, crushing the horrible un-original EU plots. After I launched my first Death Star (AKA E.P.I50DE II), I was dismayed when it was destroyed and overshadowed by the N.J-0 Torpedo. In the minds of you rebels, it seemed that the clash between my Episode II and the pre-existing Boba Fett backstory could be ignored, as you triumphed with the N.J-0. Still, I will have the last laugh, as this Death Star II (Or model E.P.I50DE III) is unleashed upon the world. No prequel-based EU will remain untouched! All shall perish like Alderaan! MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!" Cried Lucas.

"You're wrong. Soon I'll be dead...and you with me." said CorSec calmly

Emperor Lucas let out a coarse laugh

"Perhaps you refer to the imminent attack of your Rebel fleet," said Lucas smugly, "Yes...I assure you we are quite safe from your friends here." He pointed up to a screen where CorSec can see his companions working their way through the back door.

"Your overconfidence is your weakness." said CorSec.

"Your faith in your friends is yours. Face it...they hate what you've become. Soon you will join the darkside of OT purists, and eventually you will not even touch the Special editions!"

"It is pointless to resist, my son," said Darth EU Continuity Error.

((To be continued....))

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Andy

Beeurd stopped, clutching his head.

"What is it?" Anakin asked, concerned.

"I felt a disturbance in the Plot..." Beeurd said. "It was as though millions of people... Well just one person, maybe, cried out in terror and was suddenly sucked into a Plothole."

"Pfft!" scoffed Zekk.

"You don't believe in the Plot, do you?" Beeurd asked him.

"I've flown from one side of this galaxy to the other. I've seen a lot of strange stuff, but I've never seen anything to make me believe there's one all-powerfull force controlling everything." Zekk said.

"And you're a Jedi?" Beeurd asked incredulously, "What do you think the Force is?"

"Uhh..." Zekk struggled for words. "Oh yeah... Force... Plot... Yeah."

Suddenly Shimrra ran down towards them surrounded by Yuuzhan Vong priests.

"There he is! The Chosen One!" he cried out with glee.

"ARRRRRRGGGH!!!" screamed Beeurd.

"You scream like a girl." Anakin muttered.

"I heard that," said Beeurd, "now RUUUUNNN!!!"

They ran as fast as they could for hours but eventually came to a dead end.

"Okay so I don't know my way around yet." Beeurd said.

"I do!" whined Anakin. "Why didn't you let me go ahead?"

Beeurd leapt forward and threw a thermal detonator at Shimrra, and watched with satisfaction as his partially disintegrated body was splattered over the walls of the corridor.

"Warning! Warning!" a siren blared as a glowing yellow forcefield surronunded the blast site. "Plothole detected! Warning!"

A group of guys dressed in suits walked up to them. "There is nothing to see here. Please step away from the Plothole."

"Wha?" Zekk was confuzzled.

Actually: Zekk, Anakin, and Beeurd were confuzzled.

"Hey," Beeurd said suspiciously, "aren't you Will Smith?"

"We were never here, and this never happened." the man said as he put on a pair of shades. He flashed a bright flashy light thing and dissapeared, leaving an empty corridor.

"What the hell are we doing here?" Zekk asked.

"I dunno, where are we? asked Beeurd.

"Blast, Zekk! You got us lost again!" Anakin said. "Even Bob doesn't know what happened!"

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Drake

*cackles*

Drake and everyone else with him sat or stood on the bridge of the Apocalypse while the Sith fleet traded blows with the Vong/Gungan fleet around them. Suddenly a wave hit them through the Plot.

"Whoa, what was that?" asked Drake. "It felt...damn good."

Cel moaned softly. "My no know but it was nice."

Drake concentrated for a moment then looked on his computer console. "It came from a planet near the Corporate Sector...called Vaselkyjellia."

"Let's go already!" Cel shouted with anticipation and the others nodded in agreement.

"Okay!" exclaimed Drake. He plotted a hyperspace course as the ship pulled away from the battle taking place around Corellia. It jumped into hyperspace soon afterwards.

Cel started walking towards the turbolift. "I'll be in my room shaving my...uhhh...beard." She grinned then continued on her way.

***

The Apocalypse exited hyperspace at the rim of the Enzytra system. It moved forward, towards the planet, closing on the two large, round globes that were the moons of Vaselkyjellia.

Everyone stood around a map of the system. Ender pointed at it and said, "Their defences are pretty tight. You think we can squeeze through?"

Drake nodded, "It might be difficult with something as long and large as the Apocalypse but I think we can get it in." He showed them his plan on the map. "We can push between the moons then strait down into our target. We'll have to hit fast and hard."

Cel returned, now cleanly shaven. She looked very pleased and happy. "Let's do it!"

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JainaSolo;)*

JainaS (I'm not writing out my full name anymore, k?) glanced up as someone casually sauntered into the throne room. She frowned slightly, gasped, hopped up and began to jump up and down like a prep at a football game.

"JOHNNY DEPP!" she cried.

"Huh? You've got it wrong, lass, I'm Cap'n Jack Sparrow,"

"COol!" she exclaimed, still grinning idiotically and hopping up and down. "So, you've heard of the Black Pearl then?"

"...what's in this for me?"

"I can...get you hands!"

"Huh?"

"You know, Edward Scissorhands?"

He stared at her blankly. "Listen, I can help you get to where you're going, but there's a price, savvy?"

She nodded, eyes wide. Drool began to leak of of her mouth. "You're so hott..."

Suddenly several Psychos rushed in. Beeurd reached out with the Plot--er, Force--and choked the life out of the Sexiest Man Alive.

"We can't have too many more movie crossovers in here, this is a Star Wars comedy."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" JainaS cried. She had finally found part of the group, yes, but she had lost Johnny Depp while she was at it. Today was a day to be remembered as...a trajedy.

Prin snapped some fingers in front of her face. "Snap out of it, we have a story to get moving here."

"But my Depp..." she shook her head, forgetting the eight times she saw Pirates of the Carribean in theatres. Slowly...some of her Star Wars knowledge came rushing back to her! So it seems that for every part of her life she looses in the comedy, she regains her rusty grasp of the universe she was stuck in...decisions, decisions...

"Where are we going to, anyway? All I know is that someone's being eaten by Lucas the Spaceslug and someone else has been blinky-thing-ed..."

:pwell, this was an interesting post...useless, yes, but interesting just the same

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Mara

Mara easily made it through the door, mucuslike substance dripping off of her after she was through.

Since she had went through first, she didn't notice CorSeccia's disappearance. Mara waited for the others to catch up because she didn't know the way.

Once Prin caught up, she led the way into the interior of the palace. Mara, Furday and Sticks hurriedly followed, sneaking along, trying not to drip too much goop in the inside of the palace.

Furday, of course, had a lot of the substance on him from getting through the portal door. He gobbed some on his feet and ran down the hall, skidding to a halt, sliding through the halls on the marble.

"Weeeeeeee..... I'm sliiiiiding.........."

"Furday! Not so loud," yelled Prin. "We have to catch up." Sticks, Prin and Mara ran forward to catch up to Furday. They all made it, but Mara, who slipped in the gooey stuff and fell down, slidding on her arse the rest of the way.

Furday looked down at Mara and cackled.

Mara glared, "I'm gonna SO kill you when this is done!"

(Yeah, lame, but I'm tired, and figured I should post now before getting behind. :-p

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Princess

The group got to the throne room and Princess gasped in indignation when she saw JainaS sitting on her throne. And the worst part was, she was fully clothed. It was going to take months to get that chair relubed. "Who are you and what the kriff are you doing in my throne?" Prin was screaming at JainaS

"Well, I am the Empress, I am in charge here."

"Over my dead body," Princess calmly replied. "I am the last Princess of Vaselkyjellia. You will step down from my throne or I will be forced to feed you to the Cesspool of Chlamydia. What say you?"

(I know it's short but I wanted to set that up)

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