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Ender

Ongoing Comedy 2: When You Wish Upon a Star Wars.

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Ender

***

Aboard the Yuuzhan Vong ship Sugar Pie, the Yuuzhan Vong prefect Malshar Vor'ku stood on the bridge, watching the Gungan ships advancing towards Fondor.

"Commander Shu'ik, have their been any signs of the infidels?" Vor'ku asked.

"No, Prefect, we are the only ones in the area." replied Shu'ik.

"Excellent. Proceed with Gunganforming."

Shu'ik, who had recently received implanted spikes sticking straight out from his shoulders, snapped his hand to each shoulder in salute, and impaled his wrists on the spikes.

"I'm gonna have to get that fixed..." Shu'ik walked back to his station, trying to free his arms.

"That's gotta suck..." Vor'ku turned to the Gungan Fleet General Wob-Wob, who stood next to him.

"General Wob-Wob, have your ships encountered any resistance from the surface?" Vor'ku asked.

"Let mesa be checkin..." Wob-Wob pulled a quivering fishlike object out of his pocket and dialed it. He said some words in Gungan, then shoved the communication device back in his pocket.

"No resistances have beena detected, Bombad Prefecto." Wob-Wob said.

"Good. Your ships have a go for Forming."

Wob-Wob was about to reply when several fishlike things jumped out of his clothes and leaped at the guards, chewing at their necks and killing them. They proceeded to attack the bridge crew until Command Shu'ik, Prefect Vor'ku, and General Wob-Wob were the only ones still alive on the bridge.

One of the fish picked up a Vong amphistaff and said in a low voice, "We are the Salmon. We are commandeering this spaceship."

Vor'ku and Wob-Wob just gaped, while Shu'ik was still desperately trying to free his arms from the spikes on his shoulders.

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Princess

Princess yawned. Being a slave girl for Jaabba was hard work. She was used to being OB's slave girl and just sitting there and looking sexay and being there for his pleasure. Now she actually had to do things like serve this massive Hutt. Luckily it was time for another slave girl to take her shift so Princess went back to her quarters, taking a short cut that she knew well, and prepared to fill CorSec and Furday in.

She stepped into her room. "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! What in the name of the Force are you doing looking through that drawer?" She fixed him with her most regal stare and Furday wilted under her glare. "That drawer has the means necessary to defeat the Vong in it. You can't mess with it. And take those panties off of your head. I'm going to have hair everywhere now." She shook her head in disgust and started to look for CorSec.

CorSec was laying by a trough near the window that cascaded cheeze. His stomach was severly distended and he was passed out. Princess just shook her head in disgust more.

"I guess I'll just have to save the galaxy on my own now"

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Mara

I think to ease confusion and to avoid screwing with existing NJO characters and plots, I'm going to modify my strategy a little. I will still be Mara, but not Mara Jade Skywalker.

----------------------

The repulsorlifts shut off with one last whoosh! as the large ship set down gently in the landing bay.

"Mos Eisley, Sir!" announced Krebs with a smart salute.

"Thank you, Lt. Malone." She spoke more loudly, "Attention all personnel, you may all have a two days' pass. You've earned it. Just be back here at 0800 day after next."

Cheers went up among the crew and then chaos arrupted as they all rain around helter skelter packing up meager belongings to have a grand ol' time in Mos Eisley, the scum of the galaxy.

Meanwhile, Mara stood there amidst the throng, thinking about what to do next. She should probably figure out what was happening in the galaxy, since that was where she seemed to have been transplanted. That way perhaps, she would figure out what she was doing on Tatooine, of all places.

After everyone had exited the ship, and it was locked down, Mara grabbed her posessions also in a small carry-on and began through the spaceport, looking for some sort of news hologram to let her know what was going on. Finding an unused cubicle, she turned it on. The screen blinked and bleeped before greeting her with an image of an older Ithorian.

"Hello," he said with his soft, musical voice. "My name is Ammer Ead. How may I be of service to you?"

"I would like to be updated on the recent events of say, the last two years."

"A moment please...

I'm sorry, that has overrun my circuits. Your request cannot be processed at this time."

Mara swore under her breath, *#($#( Ithorians! She took out her blaster and shot the holoscreen, showing a blast mark in Ammer Ead's forehead before going blank and shorting out. Mara quietly and discreetly walked away from the holoscreen cubicle, searching around for other possible sources of information.

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Andy

Beeurd stood in the middle of everyone else, with a confuzzled look on his face.

"Okay. I'm lost, help me out here." he moaned.

"Damn, Beeurd, keep up will you." said Pod, handing him a script.

"Ah, cool!" Beeurd said. "Thanks Pod!"

Beeurd flicked through the script a moment until he was on the right page.

"THE HIIIIILLS ARE ALIIIIIVE" he sang, very out of tune, "WITH THE SOUND OF MUUUUUUSIC!!!"

"Urgh, cut it out Beeurd, that's terrible." Pod said, covering her ears.

"Wait a second!" Beeurd yelled, "this is the script to the Sound of Music!"

"Yeah well..." Pod said. "It ws supposd to be a joke, but remind me never to get you to sing again."

"That's fine by me," Beeurd agreed, "I never wanted to be a singing nun anyway..."

"I'm lost now..." muttered Anakin.

"You'll get used to it." Beeurd told him.

"Wait a minute, Pod isn't even here!" shouted Rogue.

"She isn't?" asked Beeurd.

"No!" Rogue growled. "You're ruining the story!"

"Aww... Crap." Beeurd said.

"Run for it!" Anakin yelled.

"Good idea!" Beeurd ran before Rogue could beat him to death for ruining the story.

"And it's Jenki Mimay!" he heard Rogue, errm, Jenki, yell after him.

"Quick in here!" Anakin whispered.

"Whoah, what are you doing here?" Beeurd asked him.

"Well, I figured you'd need help hiding in this place." said Anakin.

"Nah, I'd just mess up the story a bit more by inventing some secret passageway"

"What is this story you keep talking about?" enquired the young Jedi.

"Uhh... Nothing." said Beeurd. "But I'm sure you'll find out soon enough."

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Sticks

---

Sticks awoke, yet again, with a splitting headache. Damn, I wish they'd stop shooting me! she thought, rubbing her temples. Something would have to be done, she didn't like being put to sleep everyday by a stun bolt.

Sticks was suprised to find that her legs weren't bound, so she wandered around the ship until she came to the bridge. There, she found the Captain staring excitedly at a ship that dominated the viewport.

"Lemme guess, Shimmra's ship?" Sticks ventured. Jacobs nodded. "You know they're gonna kill you as soon as you deliver me, don't you?" Sticks asked.

Jacobs glared at her. "They promised me safe passage out of here, plus a planet of my own and a substantial reward. Nobody is going to ruin this for me, especially not you, little maggot."

Sticks laughed. "Little maggot? Is that really all you have? I could do so much better!"

"Oh yea? Then lets hear ya!"

"Erm...I don't feel like it," Sticks said.

"Ha! You lose, I win! So there!"

"Dang, you sound like a little kid."

"Do not! You do!" Jacobs screamed. Sticks grinned inwardly. She was really starting to tick him off. Time for part two of the plan.

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Roethlisberger

Fett, Dude and Walter sit around while Drake and Pod argue. Fett recieves a call on his comm. Fett answered it.

"Hello?"

"Hey! This is Dad!"

"Dad! Why are you calling?"

"I heard that some people died in an avalanche and I wanted to make sure you were ok."

"That was on Csilla."

"Csilla, Hoth, what's the difference?"

"I'm not on Hoth. I'm on the Apocolypse, now."

"What about Apocolypse Now?"

"No, Dad, I said I was on the Apocolypse now. That's the name of the ship."

"Apocolypse, Hoth, am I really expected to know the difference?"

"Yes, actually."

"Oh, then I'm glad to hear you're safe."

"Right."

After that, Fett hung up. Walter and Dude just stared. Finally, Dude spoke.

"What the &*^% was that?"

"That," responded Fett, "was the most pointless phone conversation of my life."

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Andy

Anakin led Beeurd down a dark passageway into a creepy kind of cave.

"Okay, stop now," Beeurd said, "where the hell are we going?"

"It's a secret passageway out into the jungle" Anakin replied.

"I don't want to go into the jungle!" moaned Beeurd. "I want to go see the galaxy, I haven't been here long, you know."

"What do you mean? Where are you from?" Anakin asked.

"A planet called Earth, it's in a galaxy far, far away..."

"Sounds like some kind of backwater dumping ground." Anakin laughed.

"Oh, you know it then?"

(( short post, I know... More later. ))

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Sticks

-----

Step two. Time for step two. Sticks frowned. What was step two of the plan?

"Aww, crap! I didn't come up with a second part to the plan," she moaned aloud.

Jacobs smiled. "Plan for what?"

"Uhh...plan for...err...the...uh...anniversary of my...pet dying, yup...I was thinking up a...way to remember my poor little...pet," Sticks stuttered.

"Oh, how delightful! Well, sad that your pet died, but what a delightful way to honor a lost and loved pet! Why growing up, I had a pet ewok who died in a grenade testing accident...poor little buddy, guess he wasn't as good a target as I anticipated." Jacobs frowned. "And he never did finish ironing my jeans!"

Sticks groaned inwardly. This had gone for bad to worse. Instead of a nice, little, evil captain bent on turning over poor, innocent jedi for profit to a stupid, sissy Vongboy, she got stuck with the insane, evil captain who murdered poor, little, fluffy ewoks for fun, plus made them iron his jeans. She rolled her eyes. Who irons their jeans?!? I mean, come on!

"But anywho, we held a little funeral service for him, threw him in a bonfire, ya know, the works...Did I mention that ewoks make good firewood?" Jake Jacobs sighed. "Ah, the good old days..."

"Riiiiiiiggggghhhhtttt...about that..." Sticks shook her head. Enough on that topic, her stomach was starting to growl at the thought of a nice cold BE. How long had it been since she had one of those? She couldn't remember. "Ever tried to blend an ewok?" she asked him.

"Hmm, no...why on earth would I want to do something like that? Cruelty to animals!" Jacobs cried in dismay.

"You hypocrite," Sticks scoffed under her breath.

"What?" Jacobs narrowed his eyes.

"Umm...your hair looks good today," Sticks lied. There was no time for part two of the plan, she'd have to skip to part three...improv time. With that thought in mind, Sticks lunged at Captain Jacobs, knocking him over. His face registered pure suprise, and that was the last emotion he radiated other than the pain from Sticks' next blow, which rendered him unconscious.

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Bad furday

Teemto Pagalies paced back and forth in his quarters.

"Blast! Where's Furday?!" he cried to no one in particular.

"I don't remember him coming back with us from the palace..." said Beila, stepping out of the shower. She shook herself dry, sending water droplets everywhere.

Teemto ducked for cover.

"We've got to go looking for him!" he said.

"Urg. Not back to Jaaba's palace?" groaned Beila.

Teemto nodded.

"Get in the rentalspeeder, we're going!"

_______________________________________...

Furday finished stuffing Princess' clothes back in a drawer, and went to wake CorSec.

CorSec was still semi-conscuious, with cheese dribbling from his mouth.

Furday prodded him.

"Wake up!"

CorSec moaned and rolled over.

"But I wanted to ride the pony!" muttered CorSec in his sleep.

Furday smacked CorSec, then took unflattering pictures of him with a flash camera.

CorSec finally showed signs of waking up, making Furday cackle loudly.

"I want my Stickybunz!" slurred CorSec sleepily.

"Right. C'mon, we've got to go!" cried Furday. Dragging CorSec into the hall, Furday looked around.

"Prin?!" he called. There was no answer.

"Ok then...let's try and find our way out of here on our own." muttered Furday, walking down the hallway, dragging CorSec after him.

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Ender

:lol: Nice

***

The Salmon seemed to have a very good understanding of the Yuuzhan Vong ship, and since only Commander Shu'ik knew how to pilot the ship, they knew they were doomed. Shu'ik was losing blood at a fast rate since he impaled his wrists, and was going quickly. He fainted into Vor'ku's arms.

"Mommy, mommy, is that you?" Shu'ik asked, delirious from blood loss.

"No, I'm not your mommy." Vor'ku said.

"Where's Mommy? WHERE IS SHE??" Shu'ik screamed.

Suddenly he pulled his wrists free.

"Hey, that feels funny!" Shu'ik said.

Then he died.

"Weak fool. Screaming for his mommy... disgraceful for a warrior." Vor'ku said.

One of the salmon got pissed, picked up an amphistaff, and chopped off Vor'ku's right arm.

"MOMMY!!!"

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Mara

Err.... I need time to catch up, so short post for now...

Mara continued walking throughout the small space port, looking for someplace to get information on the situation going on.

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Princess

Princess was busy in the Weed Well. She was stuffing as much as she could into a duffel bag, it would come in handy later. She had to beat the Vong, and she had to return to her position as the last Princess of the planet Vaselkyjellia.

When she could fit no more weed into the bag, she started lugging it through the secret passageways, and eventually managed to run into Furday.

"No, no no Furday, that's not how you drag CorSec. You need to make sure that his head hits every rock."

A light of realization hit Furday's face and he started dragging CorSec properly. "Now Prin, how do we get out of here?"

"There's a sail barge in the East Landing Bay that's pretty junky, if we can get that running we can get out of here and I can get back to Vaselkyjellia. Then we must contact Luke Skywalker"

Furday s######ed when he heard the planet's name and Princess just glared at him

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CorSec

The pounding of rocks on his forehead violently dropped CorSec into unconciousness. Despite the dull thud of each new rock, CorSec managed a dream, a vast mysterious dream...

***

A disturbance rocked his senses, particularly, his sense of the Force. CorSec shook his head and glanced out the viewport of his vessel; The Marauder. CorSec brought his ship down through Bespins atmosphere and levelled off as he neared Cloud City.

"This is Bespin Air control to unidentified vessel, state your purpose"

"Uhhh, well, I'm a Jedi, and I'd like to land and meditate quietly"

"FOOL! You'll lead the Vong here AND KILL US ALL!"

CorSec sighed and pressed the mute button on his datapad. He recieved no further responses from the Air Traffic controller. As he guided his ship down onto an empty landing area, he again felt the disturbance, but this time closer. It was calling to him. He made his way out of his ship and cautiously strode through the inner walkways of the floating city in the clouds. He turned a corner and took an elevator down to the industrial areas. He passed some Ugnaughts talking and strode down a flight of stairs. From here, he could see a viewport gazing into the core area where Luke Skywalker had fallen.

"Huh, that's pretty cool"

Suddenly, a snap-hiss from behind marked the arrival of someone with a lightsaber. CorSec turned. There, standing in front of him, was a tall, dark, ominous figure. Darth Vader? No...it couldn't be...he's been dead for years. CorSec barely had enough time to ignite his own saber and block an incoming blow at his head.

"Who are you?" yelled CorSec as he blocked another slash.

"I am the vurgence you felt. I am the bane of your existence."

"Why?" asked CorSec as he spun, leaped and blocked yet another attack.

"Why?" The figure laughed. "Because I am everything you have always hated as a Star Wars fan" The figure pushed CorSec through the viewport with the Force.

CorSec landed on a thin strip of hard durasteel. He stood up. The two combatants stood looking at eachother before CorSec made an agressive attack. They clashed and the sabers' distinctive hiss was all that was heard.

"Who are you...truly?" asked CorSec

"I am everything you deny. Everything you hate. I am the dark that flaps in the night. I am Darth EU Continuity Error." He paused. "I am your Father"

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed CorSec. "Thats impossible!"

"I am Lukes' dog on Tatooine in the original novelized version of A New Hope. I am the Thrawn Trilogies' incorrect Clone Wars dates. I am the entire Triculous saga. I am every Star Wars fans fear. If only you knew the power of the Apocrypha"

"No...your wrong. You have to be!"

"No, son. You, like your father, are a mistake. A problem. An error that is hoped to be forgotten. Now please. Join me and together we can rule the galaxy with an army of Rookie Ones and Dark Side Kyle Katarns. Yes, muwauahahahaha. It shall be magnificient"

CorSec turned his back on his father and leaped down the chute into the abyss...

***

CorSec woke up, slightly dazed and very confuzed. He was still being dragged, a he could see a sail barge in the distance. He groaned uncomfortably and wiped some of the blood from his face before being knocked back into unconciousness by a particularly big rock.

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Sticks

Sticks bent over Jake Jacob’s unconscious form and pulled his wallet from his back pocket, taking his credits, and then searching his remaining pockets for anything worthwhile. Hmm…this may prove helpful, she thought, pulling a flimsy with every single code used on the ship. Stuffing her finds in her robes, she made her way out of the room in search of other life.

Other life found her, rather. “Hey!” cried a guard from behind her. “You! What are you doing? You can't go that way!”

Sticks turned to face him and grinned. “Excuse me, sir, but what are you talking about? I am an ambassador for the planet Hsirjah on my way to meet the Yuzhaan Vong for a very important meeting. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to meet the landing party. Will you please lead me there?”

The guard looked confused. “Uhh…sorry, Ambassador…uh…”

“Erm…Bond. Ambassador Bond,” Sticks stammered.

“Right, Ambassador Bond of Hsirjah, follow me.” The guard saluted smartly and whirled around.

Sticks smiled. “Oh, wait! Sir, a Jedi was taken prisoner and is to be given as a gift to Shimmra. Can you show me where this Jedi’s belongings are so I can present them with the Jedi?”

The guard thought for a moment. “Follow me.”

---

The Guard led Sticks to a small room filled with cabinets and opened one. “Here you are, Madam.” He looked at her for a moment. “Ya know, it’s funny, but I’ve never heard of the planet Hsirjah. Is it in the Unknown Regions?”

Sticks nodded. “It’s by…uh…yea, out in the Unknowns. Now if you could lead me on, I’m in a bit of a hurry.” She didn’t know what she was going to do once she met Shimmra’s landing party, but she’d think of something then. She doubted that she could take all of his guards at once, and someone was bound to figure out that she was really not an ambassador, but instead the Jedi. If only…if only CorSec was here. Together they could really wreck some havoc, and if their havoc didn’t end up getting them caught and tortured, there might be a chance of escape. If things went wrong, she could always go to plan B and use CorSec as bait while she escaped. But, unfortunately, she was on her own.

Sticks looked around and realized they had come into the room where a small group of Vong now stood. Talking to Duhm Krahp was a sissy looking, way-too-scarred-up figure she guessed to be Shimmra. “Uh, he’ll be here any moment now, your Highness…err…Majesty…uh… Sir…erm…person-dude-guy-Vong…,” Duhm stammered, obviously talking about Captain Jake Jacobs.

Sticks walked up boldly and smiled at the two. “He won’t be making the party, I’m afraid,” she said and laughed evilly. With that, reached her hand into her robe and pulled out…

“Chap stick? Are you threatening us with softlips chap stick?” Shimmra laughed.

Sticks looked down at the object in her hand. “Aww, crap, just a minute.” She pulled the lid off, applied some chap stick to her lips. Then, with of a smack of her refreshed lips, she put the Chap Stick back in her robe pocket and pulled out…

“Hey! Where’d you get that?” Duhm Krahp cried.

Sticks looked down at a picture of Duhm Krahp in a bikini and gagged. “Oh yea, forgot about that…I found it lying in my cell on the floor,” she said, throwing the picture aside. “All right, gimme a minute, I didn’t realize I had so much stuff crammed into my robe pockets,” she said, and fished once more around in her robes. This time she pulled out a pair of dentures.

“Dentures? Did you steal those from your grandma, infidel?” Shimmra asked, laughing at the harmless dentures.

“Actually, I stole them from your wife,” Sticks shot back with a smug look on her face.

Shimmra’s face turned beet red. “Uhh…my wife doesn’t have dentures! Wait a minute, I don’t have a wife! Hey! What are you--?”

But before he could finish his sentence, Sticks whipped her lightsaber out and cut Shimmra’s hand off. He cried out in pain and fell to the floor. “Mommeeeee!!!!” He screamed.

Sticks smiled sweetly at the Yuzhaan Vong guards. “Erm…umm…I think I hear my wife calling,” one of the stammered, and ran back through the tunnel to the Vong ship. The others made-up excuses similar to his, and ran after him.

That left one man, well, if you could even call him a man. She turned to Duhm Krahp, who stood biting his lip with a deathly pale face. “Oh, look at the time! I’ve got to-“

“You’re not going anywhere, Craphead,” Sticks said, and chopped him cleanly in half. She closed the door to the tunnel linking the two ships together, and went in search of any other people left on the ship. After she had disposed of or tied up all of them, she went to the ship’s controls and set a course for Coruscant. There she could locate all her friends and join them on whatever crazy mission they were on.

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Mara

Mara kept walking around the spaceport looking for an available kiosk and not having much luck. Her patience running out, she removed her blaster and cocked it, thinking about forcing herself on a kiosk.

But she heard moans in the distance, confused she looked around. Finally she saw them, a woman leading a man who was dragging another man. Hmmm... Looks like a misdeed in the process, I should check it out .. Stealthly she hurried forward, but not trying to look like she was in a hurry. Casually she meandered her way to the trio, not trying to be seen. She made sure to keep a few walkers-by between her and them, in order to get a better look.

But something knawed at her, as she gazed at them, something seemed familiar....

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Sticks

---

Sticks let a out frustrated scream and slammed shut her datapad. No one was responding to her messages. Where was everyone?!? She tried to remember what CorSec had said he was going to be doing during her absense, but she couldn't remember him saying anything specific. She checked her Coruscant apartment for any notes or messages from him, but found nothing.

Having no luck at her own apartment, Sticks made her way to his apartment. "I'm sorry, Ma'am, but Master CorSec is not in right now," his securitry droid said.

"Well, I know that, but where is he?" Sticks demanded.

"I'm sorry, Ma'am, but Master CorSec is not in right now."

"Yes, I know that, but where is he? Let me in, please, I need to find him." Sticks gave an exasperated sigh.

"I'm sorry, Ma'am, but--"

Sticks growled and pulled out her lightsaber. With one smooth motion she activated it and chopped the droid in half. Putting her lightsaber away, she then reached her hand in the flower pot hanging by the door and pulled out a piece of flimsy with all of CorSec's codes written on it. Sticks smiled. "You're so predictable, honey." She typed a code into the door and grinned as it opened up.

Sticks walked a few steps into his apartment and frowned. Lying everywhere were cheeze wrappers, pop cans, and hot meal boxes. The Holonet was on, and the windows wide open, letting all the cool air conditioning out and warm Coruscant air in. This was all normal of CorSec, but what really bugged Sticks was several toy pink ponies scattered around his bed. "I'm going to have to talk to him when I find his little hide," she murmured.

Finding nothing else unusual, Sticks walked back to her apartment and plopped onto her couch. Dead end, again. What was everyone up to? She turned on the Holonet and was starting to drift off to sleep when her comm beeped.

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Ender

***

More than a day later, Drake and Pod were still bickering, and Janson had had enough.

He stood up and walked over to where Drake was screaming incoherently at Pod. He cleared his throat.

"JUST SHUT UP!!! I'M SICK AND TIRED OF THIS!!!"

Pod and Drake looked at Janson.

"First of all, Drake, whatever the hell that screaming thing was, NEVER, EVER, do it again. Otherwise you get popped."

"You cant threaten a Sith Lord!" Drake protested.

"Well, I just did. Guess that's redundant now, eh?" Janson replied.

Drake sat down in his chair and pouted.

"Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaansssssssssssssssssooooooooooonnnnnnn! I was having fun!" Pod said. "You ruined it all!"

"You should thank me, too. I think everyone on this ship was about to spontaneously combust." Janson pointed at the frazzled looking crew members.

"That would have been entertaining though!"

"I agree, but we have more pressing matters. The Vong are about to Gunganform Corellia, so we have to get there now."

"You cant do that! I am in control!" Drake cackled.

Janson sighed, went over to the hyperspace controller station, punched in the coordinates for Corellia, and pressed the button. They shot into hyperspace.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Drake screamed.

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Sticks

Sticks' eyes flew open and she jumped off the couch and answered her comm. "CorSec?!? Where the hell have you been!" she cried as a image of him popped up.

"Erm...Furday and Prin have been dragging me everywhere," CorSec said, and winced as he touched his bruised and bloody head. "Rescue missions...ya know...things of that sort...great importance. And...other stuff," he muttered.

Sticks narrowed her eyes. "I'm sure. While you've been out playing around, I've been Yuzhaan Vong meat and worse! No thanks to you, though, I managed to escape Vong capture and make my way back to Coruscant, only to find you nowhere to be found! At a time where I need emotional comfort the most, you're gone!" She sniffed and turned slightly away from the comm to add to the effect of her being close to an emotional breakdown.

"I didn't have a chance to conta--"

"Save it for someone you actually care about!" Sticks cried and allowed a tear to roll down her cheek. Everything was going great, and CorSec was believing her every word. She smiled to herself. His conscience would force him to abandon whatever he was doing and make him come home to her. Sticks switched off the comm before he had another chance to protest, and evilgrinned. She had whipped for sure and tightly wound around her finger.

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CorSec

A dull thud marked the clash of another rock and CorSec's head. He awoke with a daze, and remembered some sort of crazy dream. He had been talking with someone. 'Rescue', 'meat'...'comfort'. It was all vaguely drifting through his mind.

"meh" he muttered.

"I'm probably just having another one of those hallucinations," He thought. "Like with that Darth EU Continuity guy. Well, at least I know I'm right here. Where I'm supposed to be. Doing stuff of importance. And stuff. Being dragged through Jabba's palace with some good friends from GB."

Another dull thud dropped CorSec back into his world of crazy dreams.

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Sticks

***

Sticks akoke with a start and looked around her. She was lying on her couch, the holonet still on. She frowned. Hadn't the comm beeped? Wasn't she just talking with CorSec? If so, why was she still on her couch?

Sticks groaned as she realized it was all a dream, that she really hadn't talked to CorSec. She screwed her eyes shut and tried to remember her dream, wondering if perhaps it would tell her where everyone was, but then dismissed the idea. Somehow she doubted that he was really halfway across the galaxy being drug along on some crazy mission with Furday and Princess. Sticks laughed to herself. That idea was just crazy...CorSec had more sense than that.

Or did he?...

Sticks bit her lip and walked into her kitchen, grabbing a bar of chocolate from her cupboard. She then grabbed her coat and walked out of her appartment, making her way towards where her ship was docked. Even though CorSec hadn't said where he was in her dream, she could pretty well guess by what was going on around him. Tatooine...if her dream had any truth to it, CorSec was on Tatooine.

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Roethlisberger

Fett, Dude, and Walter were in hyperspace heading towards Corellia. After sitting around for a while, and after singing a few songs at the expense of everyone else, the Dude finally spoke.

"What was the point of this post?" he asked.

Fett shrugged. "It was a pointless way to get in a single joke."

Fett, Dude, and Walter remained silent for a while longer.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, that's the end of the post. Now, here's the meaning of life:

M-hmm. Well, it's nothing very special. Uh, try to make as much money as you possibly can. Swear every few sentences. Oh, and listen to the Beatles. A lot.

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Princess

Princess winced as she watched CorSec's head bounce off a particularly large rock. "Furday, we're never going to get to the sailbarge if we have to keep scooping his brains, however small that they are, back into his head. Let me levitate him. Once we get to the sailbarge we have to get it started, and that involves a very complicated and ritualistic dance. We must also sacrifice one cheeze filled bloated body to the SW continuity God. Do you think that Sticks will mind us sacrificing CorSec?"

Furday thought for a minute and shook his head and then the two of them broke into a run, with CorSec floating behind until they reaced the sailbarge.

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Sticks

Sticks set down on the planet and rushed down her landing ramp. Something wasn't right. She could feel CorSec here somewhere, but he was in danger. And if she didn't hurry, she had the feeling he might as well have been sacrificed to the gods.

She started sprinting through the spaceport, following where the Force took her. SMACK! Sticks groaned and rubbed her head, then attepmted to focus her eyes on what she had just ran into. "A donut shop?!? The Force led me to a donut shop?!?" She grinned and ran inside, ordering 3 of everything, then sat down at a booth next to a window. "Mmmm...donuts..."

She was finishing up with her 13th donut when something outside on the street caught her eye. Two creatures ran by, a Twi'lek and...Sticks squinted...a wookie the other looked like, followed by a human being levitated. "Hmm...that looks an awful lot like Prin and Furday," Sticks muttered to herself, then rushed out to greet her friends.

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Bad furday

Upon reaching the sailbarge, Furday saw what a wreck it truly was.

The exterior was rusting in places, and one couldn't really call it a sailbarge, as the sails were torn or rotting away.

"What a piece of junk!" exclaimed Furday. He suddenly had the feeling that someone had said those same words many years earlier.

Prin busied herself with the entrance code, as the semi-conscious form of CorSec floated nearby.

Furday inspected the barge's engines, and found them to be surprisingly in decent condition, considering the rest of the craft.

Prin finally got the hatch open, as a high pitched whine filled the air. Looking around, Furday spotted what looked like a speeder making its way towards him.

Squinting, Furday could make out two figure in the speeder. The tall one was driving, and ignoring their shorter companion, who looked like they were complaining, loudly.

With a start, Furday suddenly realized that it was Teemto and Beila in the rental speeder.

"They must have come back to get me!" he thought to himself.

Princess meanwhile, had floated CorSec inside the sail-less barge, and poked her head out the entranceway.

"Hurry it up, oh Furry One!" she called.

The speeder slowed, and Beila and Teemto leaped out, without waiting for the vehicle to come to a complete stop.

Beila jerked a thumb towards Teemto.

"He said I was driving too fast! Can you believe that?" she snorted, " After all, what do I do for a living?"

Teemto responded.

"If you hadn't been going that fast, you wouldn't have gashed the fuel tank on that boulder!"

Furday looked, and saw that the fuel was leaking slowly from the speeder's underside. He doubted the speeder would make it back to the hotel.

"Fuuurrrrrrdddaaaaayyyyyyyyy!!!!" wailed Prin.

"Errr...right. We've really got to get going. Why don't you two come with us?" said Furday to Teemto and Beila.

"C'mon!" cried Furday, as he ran towards the entance ramp of the barge.

With a shrug, Beila and Teemto followed.

* * * *

Once inside, the three of them ran to the control room, to figure out how to fly the sail-less barge.

A shrill scream from the passenger area caused everyone to look up in alarm.

"Um..what was that?" asked Teemto.

"Eh? Oh, that's just Prin. She's sacrificing CorSec, in order to ensure that this barge starts."

After a moment, the impact of what Furday had said sank in.

Everyone rushed off to the passenger cabin, eager to watch the festivities.

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Andy

"Someone's coming!" Anakin whispered.

"Who? Is it someone I can kill?!" said Beeurd eagerly.

"Oh, it's just Zekk..."

"Ahh... Rogue would never forgive me..." he sighed, clipping his lightsaber back to his belt.

"You mean Jenki?" Anakin asked.

"Yeah, whatever."

"Anyway, this place is perfectly secure, nobody will find us here."

"Hi there Anakin." Zekk said, as he dropped down the secret passageway into the room. "And you must be Beeurd."

"Nobody will find us, huh?" muttered Beeurd. "Yeah, that's me, so what's happening?"

"Oh, nothing really, Jenki and Master Skywalker are trying to get together all of you... Psychopaths."

"Oh, so she doesn't want to kill me?" Beeurd asked.

"No... Well, not yet anyway." Zekk replied.

"Oh, well I suppose we'd better get back then." Beeurd said.

"Awww, but that means I showed you my secret hideout for nothing!" Anakin moaned.

"Ah, go cry to your mommy..."

"Err, you do know who his parents are, don't you?" Zekk asked.

"Oh crap, yeah," he realised. "Actually, don't go crying to either of your parents."

"Heh." Zekk laughed. "Come on then, Jenki is waiting"

They all climbed out of the hiding place and headed back to the meeting chamber.

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