Drake 53 Posted May 31, 2004 Oy! Come over 'ere and do that again, you daft basta'd! I've been playing too much Armed and Dangerous. (game by LucasArts...jolly good action/comedy!) :p Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ender 8 Posted May 31, 2004 That's a frigging sweet game... simple brilliance. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Chickenman 9 Posted May 31, 2004 (edited) Dogbert: (to pointy haired boss) Here's a deal sheet for a company you should buy. They're defending against a trillion dollar abestos lawsuit, and they have no earnings. But that's okay because stock analysts don't dig that far into the minutiae. *** Later... Dogbert: We have all of the elements to make the merger a success...corrupt auditors, corrupt CFO, corrupt stock analysts, greedy bankers, and clueless board members. Pointy Haired Boss (PHB): And you? Dogbert: What are you implying? *** Later still... Dogbert: I hired a weasel to teach you how to answer media questions. Weasel: No matter what the reporters ask, always give the same answer: "It will be good for the stockholders." Later... Reporter: Is it true you ran over a stock holder in the parking lot? PHB: It'll be good for him. *** In Dilbert's cubicle: PHB: This stockholder is suing us to stop the merger. Go rough her up. *Hands Dilbert a photo* Dilbert: This assingment disturbs me on a number of levels. PHB: Name one. *Picture is of Dilbert's mom* Dilbert: It will make the holidays tense. *** At Dilmom's home: Dilbert: Mom, you have to drop your lawsuit against my company. They fight dirty. Dilmom: Bring em on! I've been watching my Tae Bo videos! I'll dispatch their goons to hell! Dilbert: They sent me. I'm their goon. Dilmom: After dinner, I'm going Billy Blanks on your butt! *swings fist* *** Dilbert: Mom, I'll get fired unless you drop your lawsuit against my company. Dilmom: Why do you work for a company that's managed by despicable weasels? Dilbert: They tell me it's because I enjoy the challenge. Dilmom: I demand a DNA test. *** Dogbert: Your best defense is to say you were ignorant of your company's stock manipulation. We need to convince the judge you're dumber than chocalte pants at an outdoor Las Vegas photography convention. PHB: I don't get that. Dogbert: E-E-Excellent *tail wags* *** In court: Dogbert (acting as PHB's attorney): I will prove that my client is too dumb to embezzle. Or, failing in that, I'll prove that your too dumb to know he did it. Judge: Mister Dogbert... Dogbert: Don't get me started about you. *** Later... Dogbert: Your honor, is it too late to change sides? After hearing the evidence, I want to punish my client. No?...I expect some awkward silences during the next break. *** Judge: The court finds you guilty of defrauding stockholders. You will serve your life in a place so horrible that it has no name. Later, in Wally's cubicle: Prison Guard: Here's your roomie. *** PHB: I've got to find a way to bust out of this joint. Wally: Try walking backwards. *Walks backwards, into a corner next to the doorway* PHB: Well, that didn't work...oh I get it: this is a little joke you play on all the fresh meat. *** PHB: (To Carol, his secretary) What happened while I was in jail? Carol: Morale skyrocketed, profits soared, and for the first time, life had meaning. PHB: It's just my luck I'd miss those two days. Edited June 1, 2004 by Chickenman Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Drake 53 Posted May 31, 2004 Some Armed and Dangerous quotes. Guards: Stop there! Show us your papers! NOW! Rexus: *waves his hand around* You don't need to see our papers. Guards: *hypnotized* We don't need to see their papers... Rexus: Uhhh...umm... Guards: Uhhh...umm... Rexus: Hey guys, help me out here. I'm running out of powers! Guards: Yeah...he's running out of powers... Q: Tell them they're a giant tea pot. Jonesy: No! Tell 'em they're Scotch miners! Roman: No no no. Just tell them that we're not the ones they're looking for! Forge: Ahhh! *falls onto his knees* Vindaloo: What is it? Forge: I've just felt a great disturbance...as if a million voices just cried out... Vindaloo: Right. I'll have to cancel next week's shipment of curry... Q: Alright. How can I help? Rexus: Use your scalpel to make a small circumcision... Q: Don't you mean incision? Rexus: THERE'S NO TIME!! JUST DO IT!! Q: Okay then... *later* Roman: *walks up* Almost done? Q: There we go...I just have to get this last bit here... Roman: WHAT THE @#$! IS THAT!? Just put his leg back on! Q: *in the middle of a shoot-out* It's almost like a video game. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Andy 60 Posted May 31, 2004 Craziness. *puts it on his "To Buy" list* Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Radioactive Isotope 29 Posted May 31, 2004 Dilbert. one of my favorite comics next to Foxtrot. :D Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Radioactive Isotope 29 Posted June 1, 2004 :rofl: suuuuure.....i believe that. :p Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Roethlisberger 0 Posted June 1, 2004 Wooderson: That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age. Pink: [On high school years] All I'm saying is that if I ever start referring to these as the best years of my life - remind me to kill myself. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Chickenman 9 Posted June 1, 2004 (edited) Elbonian: (To Dogbert) Elbonia has gotten a bad reputation. We need your help to rebuild our image. The problem began when we discovered a civilization of leprechauns living under our mud. Now they're our primary export. But we underestimated the vegeterian backlash. *** Dogbert: The media gave you a bad rap for exporting leprechaun meat. Our ad campaign will feature a leprechaun explaining they enjoy being eaten. On the commercial... Ratbert in a leprechaun costume with a hammer, standing in a pan: Elbonians are our best friends. Now excuse me while I tenderize myself. *** Dogbert: You need to buy some influence in Washington. It sounds expensive, but it's a lot more affordable than you'd think. In Washington... Elbonian: Gum? Politician: You got my vote! ***************************************************** At the doctor's office... Doctor: It's a mild rash. I'll scribble an indescipherable prescription for you. Dilbert: What if your bad handwriting causes the pharmacy to give me a harmful medication? Doctor: That's a little thing I like to call marketing. *** At the pharmacy... Pharmacist: I can't read your doctor's handwriting. I'll give you this mood altering drug to make you happy. Dilbert: I have a skin rash! Pharmacist: And it's making you unhappy right? *** At work... Dilbert: (Talking to PHB) I'm taking a mood altering prescription drug to treat a skin rash. I still itch, but I don't care. In fact, I don't even think you're a huge, stinkin' weasel. I love you! YOU DA MAN! PHB: Remind me to cancel your health benefits. *** Dilbert: (at a presentation) My project is in a flaming death spiral, thanks to you lazy, selfish weasels. But I'm feeling terrific because I'm taking mood altering prescription drugs! I can see by your expressions that my doctor is much better than yours! HOO-WAH! *** Dilbert: The prescription drugs make me happy, but I worry that it's not genuine happiness. Dogbert: Ask your doctor for a drug that cures worrying. Then you'll have it all. Doctor: It might make you grow an exoskeleton, but you won't care. Dilbert: Cool. *** At a party: Dilbert (now has an exoskeleton): (talking to a woman) My medication makes me carefree and happy, but the side effect is an exoskeleton. Remember the old saying-"beauty is only bone deep" Hee hee! But enough about me. I don't want to look shellfish. Woman: You had a chance until the pun. *** At psychiatrists office... Dilbert: My medication makes me happy despite my exoskeleton, bad job and social life. If chemicals can change the way I think and what I enjoy, then free will must be an illusion. Psychiatrist: What about your soul? Dilbert: I'm an engineer. *** At work, near the coffeemaker... (The exoskeleton is gone) Wally: I heard you had a cold. Dilbert: It wasn't a cold. I was addicted to prescription drugs and I grew an exoskeleton. I've been in rehab and surgery for 6 months. Wally: Just to be clear: Can I catch any of that by touching that coffeemaker after you? Edited June 1, 2004 by Chickenman Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ender 8 Posted June 3, 2004 Daniel: It was a procedure often done in the Middle Ages. They... well, they'd drill a hole in the person's head. By drilling a hole the evil spirits are released, thus saving the person from eternal damnation. Jack O'Neill: Thus... *saving* the person? Daniel: Well, they didn't call them the Dark Ages because it was dark. ~Stargate SG-1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Drake 53 Posted June 3, 2004 :rofl: You can always count on Stargate for a laugh. Teal'c: Are you ready, O'Neill? Jack: No. Could you give me a warning first? Teal'c: I am going to shoot you. Jack: I was thinking more along the lines of counting to three. Teal'c: Very well. Jack: One... Teal'c: *shoots Jack* Jack: *writhing on the floor* ....TWO!! I said to three! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Radioactive Isotope 29 Posted June 3, 2004 :rofl: i really need to start watching that Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ana 15 Posted June 3, 2004 Hehe... yes, yes you must convert.... join us! :twisted: Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Princess 35 Posted June 3, 2004 I used to watch it every Sunday night at 11 when I was at school. I haven't watched that or Buffy since I've been home. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ender 8 Posted June 3, 2004 JM: Weekdays at 6 on Sci-Fi. Also, the first six seasons are out on DVD. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Radioactive Isotope 29 Posted June 3, 2004 w00t! but that's when Charmed is on..... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Radioactive Isotope 29 Posted June 3, 2004 "I'm not a psycopath, i'm a sociopath; there's a difference. A psycopath can't diferentiate between wrong and right. he's just insane. a sociopath knows the difference, he just doesn't have a concience. so he doesn't care." ~Alex, a Pretender Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Drake 53 Posted June 3, 2004 w00t! but that's when Charmed is on..... Well you're obviously going to have to miss Charmed (BOO!) then. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Radioactive Isotope 29 Posted June 3, 2004 NEVAAR! :p Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Roethlisberger 0 Posted June 3, 2004 I thought charmed was on TNT all the time. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Radioactive Isotope 29 Posted June 3, 2004 it's on three different loops. the morning one's back to the start, which i've already seen several times. and i'm usually asleep by the 10pm one, so that leaves the 6pm slot. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Roethlisberger 0 Posted June 3, 2004 (edited) Shrek 2 Spoilers! Fairy Godmother: I don't care whose fault this was, just get it sorted! And could someone please bring me something deep fat fried and smothered in chocolate... Donkey: Don't I have the right to remain silent? Shrek: Donkey, you HAVE the right to remain silent. What you lack, is the capacity. [after drinking a beauty potion] Donkey: I don't *feel* any different. Do I look any different? Puss-in-Boots: You still look like an ass to me! Captain of the Guards: Yep, that's catnip... Puss-in-Boots: Um... that's... not mine... Queen: So, you live in a swamp? That sounds like a fine place to raise the children. Shrek: It's a little early to be thinking about that, isn't it? King: Indeed! I had just started eating. Edited June 4, 2004 by Princess Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Radioactive Isotope 29 Posted June 3, 2004 (edited) Shrek 2 SPOILERS! [after drinking a beauty potion] Donkey: I don't *feel* any different. Do I look any different? Puss-in-Boots: You still look like an ass to me! that was my favorite art of the whole movie :rofl: Edited June 4, 2004 by Princess Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
