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Ongoing Comedy 5: Return of the Jedi Punks

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Alrighty, here is the new story folks!

Now, some of you are already familiar to the galaxy of the Jedi Punks, but lets fill you in a little...


It is 35 years since the Battle of Yavin, and 10 years since the galaxy was drastically altered by the antics of the Jedi Punks; a punk-rock band created by the Solo kids and their friends at the Luke Skywalker’s nudist colony Jedi Academy. After several crazy adventures including: the revival of Darth Vader, Padme Amidala, Grand Admiral Thrawn, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Yaddle and Yoda; the deaths of Borsk Fey’lya, Kyp Durron, Jar Jar Binks (several times), a hoard of insta-clones and noghri-midget-sith-clones, and many hundreds of Ewoks; the galaxy was finally restored to peace, with a new Galactic Alliance ruled by Padme Amidala and Leia Organa-Solo, and a new Jedi Council lead by a senile Yoda, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Luke Skywalker, Mara Jade-Skywalker (who still to this day suffers from dark side personality disorder), and former Chief of State Darth Vader who gave up his job as a health spa manager to return to the Jedi Order; and lets not forget that Jaina and Zekk are proud parents of twin sisters Allie and Allie. Whoa, that was a long sentence! It was later discovered that behind all the craziness was a sinister group of insane beings from another world called Earth. Finding this a little too much to take in, the Punks took a break from touring the world being uber-famous adventuring rock stars. For a while... Like, 10 years...

If you are really intregued to learn more, the entire story is up in un-edited form here: http://www.galacticbasic.net/hosted/Real_Jedi_Punks/HTML/ :D

There are a couple of 'rules' to bear in mind when posting though:

1. THE NEW JEDI ORDER NEVER HAPPENED. This was the only real rule for the original Ongoing Comedy.

2. DARK NEST WILL NOT HAPPEN. At least not seriously, anyway. ;)

Characters (and age):

The Jedi Punks

Anakin Solo (26) & Tahiri Veila (23)

Jaina Solo (28) & Zekk (30)

Jacen Solo (28) & Tenel Ka (27)

The Jedi Council

Yoda (931)

Obi-Wan Kenobi (95)

Darth Vader (76)

Luke Skywalker (54)

Mara Jade Skywalker (53)

The Galactic Alliance

Padme Amidala Skywalker (81)

Leia Organa Solo (54)


Ben Skywalker (10)

Han Solo (64) & Chewbacca (235)

Lando Calrissian (66)

Bongo Fett (??) - cloned son of Boba Fett

Allie & Allie (10) - twin daughters of Jaina & Zekk


Millennium Falcon – Han’s ship, pink, YT-1300.

Rogue Spacer – Punks’ ship, psychedelic, YT-1300.

I will post it sooooooooon, my lovelies. ;)

Edited by beeurd

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(( Forgive me if this sucks... ))

A long time ago in a galaxy far far away and very messed up...

Ongoing Comedy 5


Luke and Mara Skywalker exchanged worried glances as the watched the HoloNet News. ?Finally, the Jedi Punks have announced their return to the stage!? The newscaster was quite unable to contain his excitement as the camera pointed towards the Punks on stage performing a track from their new album: ?Corellian Idiot?.

?NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! That?s imposssssiiiiblllle!? Luke crumpled to the floor, proving yet again that even grown Jedi Masters cry sometimes.

Mara jumped to her feet and Force-threw the HoloNet terminal through the window, shaking her head sadly, ?Didn?t they learn from what happened last time??

Ben stood up and shouted at his mother, ?Mom! I was watching that!?

Luke, who had just stopped crying, burst into tears again.

?Please,? Mara begged, ?don?t remind us!?

R2-D2 rolled past and made a chittering sound that sounded like laughter, and then whistled a suggestion.

?You know, Artoo, you could be right there,? Luke said, having regained control of his emotions.

?Uh,? Mara pointed at Luke and Artoo, ?no evil plotting without me, boys.?

* * *

Meanwhile, blasting away from Coruscant at high speed were the Solo kids as they attempted to evade their parents in their own converted light freighter, Rogue Spacer.

The comm blared with their father?s furious voice, ?WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU I?LL FEED YOU TO THE GUNGANS!? Chewbacca was heard to roar in agreement.

Anakin Solo grinned as he pulled the starship up and spun around to avoid a large passenger ferry that was trying to dock at a nearby landing pad, and then dived under another pair of freighters that ambled towards them, ?They are still following us then??

?Yup!? Jaina giggled as she looked as the video image of the Millennium Falcon behind them, sporting a new livery of shocking pink, with the words ?Jedi Punks back on tour!? scrawled all over it in thick black letters.

?I don?t think dad likes it,? Jacen commented. Now in his late 20s, dressed all in black, Jacen still wore his hair blue and in spikes, much as he had done when the three siblings had been in the punk-rock band with some of the other Academy kids.

?Mom didn?t seem to mind all that much,? said Jaina.


?Wow, she?s mad.? Anakin said, still with a grin. ?Almost as mad as when we blew up two blocks of Coruscant when we had the amplifier on full a few years ago??

Jaina reached over to the pilots seat and tousled Anakin?s bright red hair, ?And whose fault was that, little brother??

Suddenly the comm beeped and a little hologram of their uncle Luke appeared on the console beside Jacen. ?Uh, hey uncle Luke, wazzup??

?Oh, hey Jacen, dude,? Luke struggled to sound cool, ?like do you guys, uh, dudes, still remember what happened last time you had that little awesome band of, uh, coolness, and like? Dude.?

?Um, yeah, it?s been a few years but we can still remember that far back,? Jacen answered, ?I think.?

?Yeah, I know, but we have a major problem here!? Luke pleaded, ?Dude.?

?Would you stop saying ?dude?,? Jacen suggested, ?it makes you sound like an ass.?

?Sure, man, whatever you say, man,? replied Luke.

The comm burst to life once more, cutting off Jacen before he could verbally assault the Jedi Master, ?ALRIGHT KIDS; I WAS FLYING THROUGH ASTEROID FIELDS YEARS BEFORE YOU WERE EVEN BORN, YOU AIN?T GONNA OUTFLY ME!?

There was a stunned silence from Luke for a moment, ?Was that Han??

The three Solo kids burst out laughing all at once.

?You haven?t blown up another two blocks of Coruscant, have you?? Luke asked nervously.

?No, not this time,? Jaina was laughing so much she fell off her seat, and when she tried to stand up she tripped over her long, braided hair, ?they just didn?t like the surprise we left for them!?

?I see?? Luke pondered what this problem could be.

The Solo kids lurched to the right suddenly as Anakin performed a sharp 180 degree turn, narrowly missing a stream of traffic, and dived back underneath the pursuing Falcon.

?So, dudes, whatever, any chance of getting to the Jedi Council for a while??

?No way,? Jacen said, ?we?re taking a long vacation from all that Jedi sith!?

?We?ll see about that,? Luke vanished.

* * *

Several days later they were stood in the Jedi Council chamber on Coruscant, with Mara grinning proudly as she stood in front of the door blocking any escape.

?The Jedi Punks must not make a comeback!? Luke cried with glee, pleased to have them where he could keep his eye on them.

Jaina thumped Jacen on the back, "I told you she wasn't going to give us ice-cream!"

Jacen stumbled forwards and land on Master Yoda. ?Grah,? Yoda gasped, ?off me, you will get!?

Obi-Wan merely stroked his beard thoughtfully.

Once Jacen was standing back in his place, Luke continued. ?Ben has somehow become a fan of yours??

The Solo?s grinned and Anakin said, ?So, the kid has good taste.?

Luke?s comm beeped suddenly and he looked shocked, ?Oh sith!?

?SITH!? WHERE!?? Yoda had leapt out of his seat and hid behind his chair.

Obi-Wan looked on in amusement. If I just keep stroking my beard like this, it?ll look like I?m intelligent, he thought.

?It?s alright,? Luke said softly, as he walked over and crouched beside the diminutive Jedi Master. ?There are no Sith here.?

?Oh,? Yoda stood and Force-flipped over the chair back into his seat, and looked round at the others who were showing concerned expressions on their faces. ?When nine-hundred and thirty-one years old you reach, as senile you will be!?

Jaina, Jacen and Anakin exchanged worried glances as Yoda burst into a fit of cackling that wouldn?t sound out of place in a lunatic asylum, while he rocked back and forth in his seat.

Mara looked ready to Force-fry Yoda with lightning, but the ancient master eventually stopped and Luke continued, ?Ben has been kidnapped by the mysterious bounty hunter, Bongo Fett!?

Mara suddenly yelled an indecipherable warcry and sprinted forwards, knocking the Solos to the ground, then somersaulted over Yoda?s seat and dived through the window, to land in a speeder waiting a few metres below the window ledge. She sped off into the night still screaming curses and threats to kill Bongo Fett.

Anakin dusted himself off as he stood, ?Does she always keep a speeder there??

?Yes,? answered Luke, nodding worriedly. ?But had she waited she would have heard me say that Bongo Fett is waiting for the Jedi Punks on Nar Shaddaa. He is having a private party for his bounty hunting friends, and will release Ben if you go there and play at it.?

The former Dark Lord of the Sith?and retired health spa manager?Darth Vader, who had remained as silent as he could possibly be up until now, looked over at his grandchildren, ?You must help your cousin, or your grandmother and I won?t let you have any cookies next time you come see us.?

?Okay grandpa, we?ll do it!? Jaina blurted. The threat of no cookies had got to them.

Obi-Wan nodded. Then continued stroking his beard.

?Good,? Vader said, ?it would be unfortunate if I had to kill you myself.?

?Yes,? Yoda agreed, ?most unfortunate it would be. Only just cleaned, this carpet was.?

?We?ll call the others and get to it right away,? Jacen said. ?Valin and Jysella aren?t joining back up this time; they are still in rehab for their Blended Ewok? addiction.?

?Yeah, glad we got off that stuff. We were young and reckless back then,? Anakin added.

?Well,? Luke said, ?go gather the others, but promise me you?ll disband again once you have rescued Ben.?

?Of course we will, Uncle Luke,? Jaina said, ?if that is the will of the Council.?

?It is,? Yoda said firmly, and then giggled slightly. ?Now go!?

The Solo?s traipsed out of the room, and as the door closed behind them, they said in unison: ?Suckers!?

* * *

?So, here we are adventuring again,? Zekk said the next day, as the gathered Punks stood in the main hold of Rogue Spacer, which had been converted into a practice room.

They looked around at each other: Jacen still clad all in black with straps and chains hanging from his pants, his blue hair spiked up wildly with SuperHoldToughGuyGel. His arm was round Tenel Ka as she stood in her regal Hapan gown, leafing through a catalogue for some emergency punk-styled clothes, having just run away from some minor dispute over some civil war in the Hapes Consortium. Zekk was wearing a red shirt and pants, and had his head shaved short, and was stood holding Jaina, with her braided hair that reached the floor. Anakin and Tahiri sat on a small bench nearby, with matching red and black flightsuits and short bright red hair. Lowbacca was growling as he attempted to shave ?Jedi Punk? in the fur on his chest.

?It?ll be just like old times!? Em TeeDee translated happily, just before a Force-aided box flew across the room and pinned the little droid against the wall.

Jacen rolled his eyes, and then gestured towards the corridor to the bridge, ?We?re almost at Nar Shaddaa.?

(( and so it begins... again... ))

Edited by beeurd

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Meanwhile, on Nar Shaddaa, Bongo Fett was cackling evilly, when he wasn't coughing up dust.

"Confound this blasted faster aging process! Those stupid cloners! I have to oil my armor three times a day now!"

Sitting in a corner, bound up, was Ben, rolling his eyes as he listened to Bongo's muttering and complaining. It was starting to drive him mad.

"Would you shut up already? No one cares about your problems. If you want someone who you can cry to, go join the GARP!!"

"GARP? What's that?" Bongo asked, now intrigued.

"Duh! The Galactic Association of Retired Peoples! The most wretched hive of feebleness and wrinkles in the galaxy!"

"I see. I'll give them a call later... after my plan has gone through the paces... heheheheheheh..." Bongo was now cackling and rubbing his hands together.

"What? I thought you just wanted the Punks to play at your convention! What do you have planned?" Ben asked, now very nervous.

"Oh, you Jedi fool. There's no convention. All those bounty hunters would just start shooting each other. No, I have an incredibly diabolical, evil plan. One that will finish the Jedi Punks once and for all."

At that moment, Keith Richards, Mick Jagger, Robbie Williams, and all the member of N'Sync walked into the room.

Ben screamed.

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Onboard the Rogue Spacer...

Jaina was looking through the collection of hair dye in the hold and found one that she liked. "Hmmm, ever changing metallic hair dye. Changes color every 30 seconds. SWEET! Whoever bought this needs to buy more." She wandered back up to the living area and started dying her hair. "Zekk, honey, do you think it was really smart to leave Allie and Allie with Yoda? He's 931 years old after all, and sure the twins are 10, but they're a handful."

"It'll be good for him. Remind him what it's like to be young again. Besides, did you really want to leave him with any of your family?"

"Good point. They'd be taking over the galaxy in no time."


Back at the Temple....

"Allie, Allie, back here get with you. Meditation you have not done enough of for the day." A high pitched chorus of girlie giggles erupted. The girls, experimenting with their increasing control of the Force, used a large sheet and caught Yoda in it as he was looking for them. The old Jedi Master sighed. "Hear about this your parents will."

Allie and Allie giggled evily-cute like. "It'll serve them right for not taking us with them on tour," Allie said. Or was it Allie. Those girls were too much alike. "Now, it's time to play makeover. Go get mommy's hair dye Allie. I think that Yoda would look good with purple hair."

Yoda sighed. Why did he decide to babysit?


Back on Rogue Spacer...

Jaina finished dying her hair and joined the rest of the band where they were helping Tenel Ka pick out her new punk wardrobe with the Hapan credit card that she grabbed before joining the rest of the Punks. "I'm not so sure about this guys, I really shouldn't be raiding the treasury like this." Her protests were drowned out by everyone picking out metallic pants and tube tops and the such.

Jaina cleared her throat. "Ok guys, here's the tour schedule. First stop is Nar Shadda where we have to rescue Ben. Then we'll make him a punk and he can tour with us. He can be the roadie or something. Then we're off to Nal Hutta to play for the Hutts. Then we've got a brief break before Grandma Padme wants us to play Naboo, and she said that there will be fresh cookies." Jaina paused as everyone cheered for Padme's cookies. "After that, I suppose we should make a brief stop at Coruscant to make sure that Allie and Allie haven't destroyed the planet and maybe play in a few seedy clubs in the lower levels. So that's our tour schedule unless something catastrophic happens and we need to do something to save the galaxy again. But really, what are the odd of that happening?" Em Teedee started to speak up and Jaina shot him a look. "I'm the daughter of the most famous Corellian in the galaxy, don't tell me the odds. Seriously, I don't think that we'll have to save the galaxy from certain doom this time around." I hope, Jaina added silently in her thoughts, unaware of Bongo Fett's plot that was waiting for them on Nar Shadda.

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Back on Nar Shadaa...

After getting over his inital shock at seeing some aged rockstars and some loser boy banders, Ben calmed down. He tugged at his restraints. Still tight.

"What are you going to do to my cousins?!" Ben screamed again.

Bongo answered. "Like I'll tell you my uber awesome plan." He rolled his eyes. "You can't hit me with that trick again. I had a metal plate installed in my head to block your Force rays. See?" He knocked on his unhelmeted head. It clanged under his gauntlet.

"Oh. Darn. You're too smart for me... " feigning awe. "I guess I'll just sit here waiting for Jaina, Jacen, Anakin, Tahiri -- " Ben continued to rattle off names.

"Yes, yes, whatever you like. I need to talk to this nice gentleman over here." Bongo went off to talk to the aged rockstars.

"Hey, Keith, how's it going?"

"Not bad, Bongo, not bad. So, when do I get paid?"

"Shh!" He led Keith farther off. "Not in front of the kid! You idiot! Gosh!"


"Right. Yes. Payment. When those wretched Punks get here and find that my super uber awesome plan isn't what they thought it was going to be."

"And that will be..."

"When they get here!

Now, go help that wimpy Lance Bass fellow open his jar of gel."

Keith rolled his eyes and wandered off to help the hapless blonde boy bander.

Bongo then turned to Mick Jagger. "You got it?"

He nodded, lifting his tight T-shirt up and yanking his pants down a bit, revealing a sub atomic machine gun.

"Good work." Said Bongo. "I knew I could count on you." He grinned evilily.

Mick grinned back, showing his yellow teeth. Bongo cackled some more, patting Mick on the back.

Meanwhile this is going on, Ben is trying to get out of his chains. Not working, he decided to just wait it out, having fun with the boy banders. Using the Force, he gained control of Lance Bass' gel jar and snapped it up into his face.

Lance yellow girlishly and fell over, holding his head. Justin Timberlake ran over to help Lance up.

Ben giggled quietly to himself.

Justin glanced at Ben. Ben stopped laughing and stared at the floor. Justin walked up to Ben.

"What's so funny, homie?" Asked Justin, trying to be all "hip" like a rapper.

"Nothing. Homie."

"Fo shizzle?"

"Fo shizzle, ma dizzle."

"Uhh......yeah." Justin walked away confused. His brain hurt. Some blood dripped from his ear from the thinking and not understanding.

Ben giggled again.

Edited by Mara: conejita de nieva

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Posting In Progress

Sorry it's taking so long, i had to look up who played what instrument...

Back on the Rogue Spacer

"So, " Anakin began, looping his bass guitar around his neck as everyone settled down in the remodled hold of the Spacer. "I don't supose anybody's given any thought as to why Bongo Fett would kidnap Ben to get our attention when he could have just called us and asked."

"Well duh," Tahiri rolled her eyes at him, wondering if he had perhaps shaved off a piece of his brain when he'd cut his hair so short. "Because he's a Bounty Hunter. Bounty Hunters don't ask they take."

Anakin nodded, satisfied with the answer, as Jacen got up and walked over to the refridgerator. "Well, either way, we're about to go on our first tour in ten years! I'd sy it's party time!" He took out a pack of WD40 and passed one around to each of the punks. It wasn't long before the eager jedi were all boozed up.


The sound of the proximity alarm in her ear brought Jaina groggily back to conciousness. She shook herself awake, peeling her face from the cockpit controls she had fallen asleep on, and throwing an arm up to flick the switch that would turn the alarm off.

She missed.

"Sithspit" she muttered, throwing her arm up again. Why wouldn't that alarm just go OFF already?! She blinked twice, and a lightbulb went off over her head sending a bright light throughout the cockpit. She reached out, pushing the lever that would pull the ship out of hyperspace.

The alarm shut off.

Jaina smacked her head on the control panel, for being so stupid. Once, twice...then a third time for good measure. A light went on on the panel in front of her: someone was hailing them.

"Zekk, Zekk wake up." She muttered groggily to the large mass passed out over the co-pilot's seat. When he didn't respond she knew she had to resort to desperate measures. "WAKE UP NOW!" she screamed, force-throwing a cusion from the acceleration couch into his head.

"NO MASTER SKYWALKER! I WILL NOT JOIN YOUR NUDIST COLONY!" Zekk screamed as he came awake, falling onto the floor. Jaina looked at him quizzically. He blinked twice and returned her stare. "What?"

"I'm not even going to ask why you're dreaming of my uncle naked." Zekk flushed, and she pointed a finger towards the door. "Um...wake everybody up...we're here."

"We're here? At Nal Hutta?"

"No, the Ithor Botanical Gardens." She shook her head in exasperation. "Hurry! and make sure they get their equipment ready."

When he left she turned the comm on, steering towards the planet below. "--Spacer , do you think you could have dropped out of hyperspace any closer?" Bongo sneered at her on the holo. At least she thought he was sneering...with a mask and all who could tell.

"Want me to go back and try again?"

"No, no no, that's not necessary." Bongo held out her hands to calm her. "Just uh...follow the route we're sending you. You'll go about ten thousand kilometers into the atmosphere. Hang a right onto the east continent, then you make a left past the north pole. That'll take you to Jabba Memorial district. Then you take a left at the spacepot, a right at Gardula Center, and if you pass Hutt tower you've gone too far."

"Okay...i think i got that..." Jaina looked at her notes uncertainly. "Um...wait, no...can you repeat that one more time?"

Bongo sighed and repeated it, and Jaina followed it in.


"What a hangover." Tahiri mumbled as she dragged her keyboard down the egress ramp. "I think I'm going to throw up."

Lowie grumbled his sentiment. Em Teedee proceeded to scold them on their party. "--And now Master Ben will be doomed! You're all too drunk to walk straight! They'll shoot him for sure! or worse, they'll feed us all to the Gungans. Oh my!"

"Shut him off" Tenel Ka told him. "He's just making my headache worse."

"Well what do you expect when--" The annoying C3-PO voice stopped as Lowie turned him off.

"So where do you think we should go?" Anakin asked.

Zekk looked around at the myriad of signs on the platform reading "THIS WAY JEDI PUNKS", in neon lights. "Hm, i dunno...maybe we should go that way!"

The punks walked on into the massive auditorium that the signs pointed to. "Kinda quiet don't you think?" Jaina pondered. They walked in to the center of the room, and looked around.

Lowie rumbled something.

"I don't see a stage either" Jacen confirmed.

"Jacen my punk friend i have a bad feeling about this." Tenel Ka remarked.

"Nah, that's just the hangover."

Edited by Rogue

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Me next...


After Chris had helped bandage up his fallen comrades, he headed over to talk to Bongo.

"So are you a real bounty hunter?"

Bongo turned away from Mick, where he was discussing more evilness.

"Yes...." He narrowed his eyes, feeling uneasy.

"That's like SO cool, man! But you know," Chris glanced at Bongo. "You really need some new outfits."

"Outfits? I'm a bounty hunter, not a Barbie."

"No, dude, really. I have this clothing line "Chris's stuff" and you would totally look good in this one line called "Grunge."

Bongo's ears perked up. "Really?"

"Oh yes! I just happen to have my portfolio, if you want to take a look."

"Yeah. Sure." Bongo consented. The two walked over to sit in a corner to pour over the designs.

"What's Chris doing, yo?" Justin asked Lance, holding a towel to his ear.


"Like, he better get his little white ass over here, for shizzle."

Lance rolled his eyes. "Stop trying to be black, Justin."

"And you stop putting that gel in yer hair before your head is shiny as cueball, baldy."

Lance paled, dropping his gel jar like it was poison.

"I was going to quit! I swear! I have the patch in my bag!"

"They make a gel patch?"

Lance nodded and brought out the box from his bag. "I got the maximum strength too."


Keith Richards was bored. He was thruming absentmindedly at a guitar, when Ben "psst"ed him.

"Psst! You, old guy!"

He looked up. "Yeah?"

Ben closed his eyes and scrunched up his face.

Keith was confused. "What's up, kid? Need a bathroom? You look constipated."

"No... I'm ... fine..." He groaned. "Help me out of these retraints, will ya?"

"I better check with Bongo. I'll let him know you need a 'fresher break." He walked off to where Bongo was trying on some of Chris's samples.

Ben sighed and relaxed his mind. "Darnit." His chin slumped down across his chest. "I miss dad... and mom..."


Bongo twirled in his pink muscle shirt and orange jeans. "I feel so pretty!"

Everyone glanced at him. He glared. "No word of this or I"ll blast you to bits." Everyone turned back to what they were doing.

Then Bongo's comm bleeped. "Oh goodie, the punks have landed. And by now have figured out my trap."

Edited by Mara: conejita de nieva

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my turn

"Okay," Bongo grinned when he turned off the comm. "They're in the auditorium. You all know the plan."

"There's a plan, yo?" Justin asked, confused.

"Of course there's a plan, dumbass." Joey Fatone shook his head. I knew I should have joined the backstreet boys when i got a chance

"look dudes," Bongo called thier attention. "remember? The punks enter the auditorium and see the beer kegs laid out for them and forget about the Skywalker kid for the moment. They rush for them, and in their moment of distraction you guys show up, ambush them, shoot your dart thingys with you're blasters. That'll knock them out! Then you steal their gear, their ship, and their clothes."

"Why their clothes?" Lance asked.

"Because you're going to be taking their places! You need to look like them!" Bongo was just about ready to throw his helmet at them. I should have hired the Backstreet Boys...

"Oh." Lance replied. "But i don't understand what's wrong with our clothes."

"You want to kill him?" Mick asked,"Or should I."

"He's not worth the cost of a blaster bolt."

"That's not what my publicist said."

"Would you guys just get on with it?!"


"You got it yo."

Chris smacked him on the head. "Would you stop that already?"

"sorry homes."


keith walked up to Bongo with a guitar around his neck. "And what do you want?"

"the kid over there needs to use the bathroom."

"well tell him to hold it." the bounty hunter replied. "Because if he leaves now, he's going to miss a great show..."

Edited by Rogue

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Post coming soon...


Keith shrugged. "Whatever you said, boss."

"Can I use my sub atomic machine gun now?" Asked Mick.

"No! No, you have to wait. Gosh, Mick." Answered Bongo.

Mick shrugged.


The N'Syncers wandered off to get into position.

"I still don't see why I can't wear my designer clothes. You saw how much Bongo liked them. He wants to replace his armor with this awesome outfit from the Grunge collection. There's this righteous pink --"

"Give it up, homie. Fo shizzle."

"Yeah, Chris, you're such a girl sometimes."

"Coming from Mr. Hair Gel..."


"Hey, hey, hey, homies.. "

"SHUT UP, JUSTIN!" the other four yelled.


They glared at him and everyone went silent.

I wonder if the Backstreet Boys need a sixth... thought Joey.

Where does chocolate milk come from? thought Lance.

Does this jacket make my ass look big? wondered Chris.

I need a new rap... fo shizzle... I need to call up Snoop. mused Justin.

Why am I always the one people forget? grumbled J.C. I miss my supermodel girlfriend.


Running of out ideas, Ben decided to just sit and wait for his cousins to come in. He could feel their presences close by. I hope there's enough of them to defeat those loser old guys.

Ben sighed. Mommy...

:: Mommy's here, Ben. ::

Surprised at this, he screamed. He quickly snapped his mouth shut, hoping no one would notice.

:: Ben? ::

:: Uhh.. not now, mom.. ::

Bongo strode over to Ben. "What's going on? You're not contacting your little punk friends, are you?"

"No..no, sir. I uhh.. had a bad dream. Yeah, it was scary. I musta fell asleep here, being I can't move."

"Uh huh..."

"It's true!"

Forgive me for lying, mom...

:: Forgiven. ::

"I don't believe you... what do you have up your sleeve?"

"Nothing!" he squeaked out. I need to delay until Jacen and Jaina and Anakin get here...

An idea came to Ben.

"Hey," he nodded to the side. "Isn't that a tater tot over there?"

"What? A tot? Where?" Bongo turned around, and then Ben grapped a loose gel jar and swung it at Bongo's head.

"Hey, I don't see any to -- OW!"

Ben pointed at the other side of the room where the boy banders were huddling in silence.


Edited by Mara: conejita de nieva

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I'm next...

Mara Jade Skywalker stalked the maze-like corridors of Nar Shaddaa looking for any trace of her son. This is all my fault...i should have been a better mentor to Jaina. Then she would have stopped this whole 'Jedi Punk band' idea years ago, and the galaxy wouldn't be the mess it is today.

A fresh surge of anger spiked through her. If that bounty hunter laid one finger on my son, there won't be enough Insta-clone facilities in the galaxy to stop him from my wrath.


Jacen was just setting up his equipment when he felt a cold chill run down his spine. Something had changed in the room. Something was very very wrong...

"Jacen my punk friend?" Tenel Ka asked beside him. "What's wrong?"

"I smell something." he sniffed once, squinting his eyes.

"You smell something?"

"Yes...it's the kind of smelly smell that always smells...smelly."

"I cannot smell a thing over this pollution. Perhaps Lowbacca forgot to properly groom this morning?"

"No...that's not it." Jacen dropped his equipment, and ignited his lightsaber. "It smells like...SuperHoldGirlyGirl Gel."

behind a case of Blended Ewok, Justin punched Lance in the shoulder. "Yo man, you bought girl gel?"

"it was cheaper than the ToughGuy gel!" Lance protested. "We just have to face the fact that we're not worth as much in today's market."

"Shut up yo, they can hear you. Here." Justin told him, handing him a silver cylinder. "Take this."

"What's this?"

"A lightsaber, homes!"

"I don't know how to use a lightsaber!"

Justin thought for a moment, then brought out a silver pocket***ch. Slowly he waved it back in forth in front of Lance's face. "Follow the watch with your eyes, man."

"It says 50 cent on it."

"forget what it says, yo." Justin sighed. "you're getting verry sleepy, dog."

In a matter of moments, Justin had lance so hypnotized that he thought he was the greatest lightsaber duelinst in the galaxy. He took out a book labeled "Lightsaber Mastery for Idiot Boy-banders", and after flipping through the pages a few times, Justin felt lance had seen enough pictures to understand it well enough.

"Ready, set, go homes!" Justin leaped out of hiding, his own lightsaber raised over his head in an attack position. Beside him a deranged lance let out a battle cry before charging at Jacen like a sumo wrestler at an all you can eat buffet.

"Gaah!" Jacen screamed, bringing his lightsaber up to block. "Boybanders! Why couldn't it have just been Gungans!"

Tenel ka fumbled drunkenly for her lightsaber, tripping over Jacen's guitar and falling headlong into a barrel of Corellian Ale. Her lightsaber went flying. Justin pressed the attack, slashing at her, and she tossed herself to the side---more falling to the side actually, and she fell hard---and Justin's lightsaber sliced the barrel sending the alcoholic beverage all over the floor. He slipped on it, falling onto his back.

"Ow ow...man"

Tenel Ka stood up, and scrambled across the wet floor for her lightsaber.

"Go warn Jaina!" Jacen yelled at her, thrusting his elbow into Lance's nose. Lance stumbled back holding his bleeding, stepping on Justin who exploded into a loud mess of ghetto cursing.

Tenel Ka forgot about her lightsaber, running wildly into the corridor to go warn the others. Jacen tried to reach out to the force, and could see himself pulling her rancor hilt lightsaber into his waiting hands....

He missed, and it went flying past him into Justin's abdomin.


Edited by Rogue

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For a moment, time seemed to have stopped as everyone watched Justin's insides spill out of the newly created hole in his abdomen. The N'Syncers watched in horror as the life slowly ebbed out of one of their own. "Dude...we can't die...N'Sync can't die! We're invincible! Justin, oh Justin, you can't leave us! You're the whole reason we're so popular!" Joey cried.

Lance glared at Joey. "Hey, people love my acting, Joey."

JC chimed in. "And my...uh...nevermind."

Joey sighed. "I rest my case."

Jacen bit his lip. "Erm...sorry, dudes...I didn't mean to kill him. Ya know, except for his awful solo career music, I realy didn't mind Justin that much." Several gasps came from the rest of the punks, who had crowded into the room and were ready to join the fight. "Uh...did I say that? I meant, I hate Justin and I hate N'Sync and I hate pop music, Jesus was Mexican, America should pull out of Iraq, and the tooth fairy should be banned!"

Everyone blinked in confusion. Jaina chuckled. "Sorry, he's still a little bit drunk."

Lance frowned. "You really hate us? Even our song Bye Bye Bye? I personally thought it was very catchy...and who couldn't like it? I mean, look at--"

Mick Jagger interrupted the traumatized Lance. "Shuddup, stupid boy. Now you punks listen to me." He pointed his machine gun at the group. "Bongo seems to be out cold, so I'm running things here. You Jedi brats get over there in a group, and you horrible boys who call yourself pop stars get over there." The two groups, minus the dead Justin, separated as told. "Good. Now prepare to die!" Mick turned to the left group and open fired. "Die!!!"

When everyone was dead in that group, Mick turned to the other group and pointed his gun at them. "Now, Jedi Punks, do me a favor and stand in that circle right there so I can activate the detainment field and trap you all!"

Lowie rumbled something and glared menacingly at Mick. Anakin grinned stupidly. "Fun! I wanna play this game!" He walked over to the circle and stood in the center. "Come join me, you guys! There's more WD40..."

"I don't know, it seems like a trap," Jaina said.

Zekk rolled his eyes. "Everything is a trap to you, love. You need to lighten up a little more and drink more alcohol!" He drug her over to the circle, and the rest of the Punks followed, eager for some alcohol.

Mick smiled and activated the field, trapping the Punks within the circle. "All too easy..." He turned his back to the punks and slowly walked out of the room to work on the next stage of the plan.

Jacen's whiny voice could be heard behind him in protest. "Hey! There's nothing in this WD40 container!..."

Edited by Sticks

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The Punks suddenly looked frightened that there was no WD40 in the barrel. How were they going to survive? And someone was to blame. Suddenly Jacen got a strange look in his eye. He spoke and sounded strangely like a younger Obi Wan Kenobi. "I thought we were smarter than this."

"Apparently not. The oldest trick in the book and we walked right into it." Anakin felt as embarassed as Jacen looked. "Well, you walked into it. The rest of us were just trying to keep up."

"Oh, so now this it my fault?"

Anakin gave him a slightly wicked smile. "Hey, you're the big brother. We're just the band."

"Joke some other time," Jacen muttered. "It's the dark side -- the shadow on the Force. Our instincts still can't be trusted. Don't you feel it?"

The dark side was the last thing Anakin wanted to think about right now, especially with the massive hangover that he felt building. "Or, you know, it could be all the WD40 that we drank."

Jacen didn't even smile. "No. All our choices keep going awry. How could they even locate us so precisely? Something is definitely wrong here. 'Nsync's death should have lifted the shadow--"

"If you've a taste for mysteries, Jacen," Zekk interrupted pointedly, "perhaps you could solve the mystery of how we're going to escape."

Jacen nodded, scowling darkly at the shield box as though seeing it for the first time; after a moment, he took out his lightsaber, ignited it, and sank its tip into the deck at his feet. The blade burned through the durasteel almost without resistance -- and then flared and bucked and spat lightning as it hit a shield in place in a gap below the plate, and almost threw Jacen into the annihilating energy of the shield behind him. "Well, there goes that idea out the airlock. Anyone else have any ideas?"

"I say patience," Anakin spoke up.

Jacen lifted an eyebrow. "Patience? That's a plan?"

"It's simple really. Ben will wake up from his daily nap soon and he's a smart kid. He can definitely outsmart Mick Jagger and get him to disable the shields. Then we wipe him out. Then we party and drink more WD40."

The Punks all nodded in agreement. Jaina reached out with the Force and found her cousin. Ben. Hey Ben! Wake up! You gotta save us!"

Ben woke up with a start from the nap that he was taking while waiting for his cousins to rescue him. He felt Jaina's presence and got an idea for the plan that they formed. He ran over to Mick Jagger who was sitting in the control center that controlled the shield that held the Punks trapped. "Hiya unca Mick!" Ben called out cheerfully.

"What do you want you snot nosed punk?"

"I wanna learn to be a bad guy like you. What's this big red button do?"

"That big red button? It releases the shields that are holding those Punks hostage. Oh sithspit. You never heard me say that kid. Promise me that you'll never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever EVER touch that button."

Ben crossed his fingers behind his back. "I promise." He waved his hand subtly, a trick that his cousin Jacen was teaching him. "You want to look away now."

"I want to look away now," Mick repeated and then looked away. Ben jumped up and hit the big red button and screamed into the microphone. "You're free!"

The Punks ran upstairs with their lightsabers drawn. They formed a tight circle around Mick and Lowie growled menacingly. Em TeeDee floated forward to translate. "Master Lowbacca would like to inform you that the time for this party has ended and states that it would be in your best interest to give up before we are forced to kill you."

The Punks groaned. "Em TeeDee, you could've just said what Lowie said," Jaina told the droid. "This party's over would have worked just fine."

Anakin stepped forward with a menacing glare in his eye. He slashed his lightsaber furiously towards Mick Jagger. "Please, don't hurt me!" Mick cried out. "Bongo promised me peace if I detained you so that he could take over the Punk music circuit from you stupid Jedi."

"No, Bongo promised you pieces." And with that, Anakin cut off Mick Jagger's head.

"Anaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaakiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin!" Jacen and Jaina yelled simultaneously. "Just because you're named after Grandpa Vader doesn't mean that you have to act like him!" Jaina emphazied her point by whacking her brother upside the head.

Ben looked on wide eyed. "Are you guys done arguing now? I wanna go on tour with you."

Tenel Ka knelt down to his level. "Yes we are young one. Now let's go back to Rogue Spacer and make a Punk out of you.

Edited by Princess

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And that's what they did. In fact, they were so enthusiastic that they forgot to call Coruscant to tell everyone that Ben was safe, and to inform them of the evil plot they had just momentarily foiled. And with Mara unaware, and being the worried mother that she was, she continued to search the planet-wide city of Nar Shaddaa for any trace of her kidnapped son.

But we'll get to that later.

The Punks, now safely aboard their ship, the Rogue Spacer, were determined to turn Ben into a mini punk version of themselves. They flew to Nal Hutta, the next location on their "Corellian Idiot" tour, and quickly proceeded to the nearest mall in search of cool new threads for their youngest roadie ever.

Unfortunatly for Ben, clothing was sold on Nal Hutta in terms of "Hutt-large" Hutt-extra Large" "Hutt 2XL" and "Hutt-3XL". He wondered why Hutt clothes didn't come in small or medium...that is until he saw a Hutt.

'They look like such little slugs in the textbooks." Ben commented. "Like you could crush them under your boot."

Needless to say, two hours later they had given up. The red-head looked on in awe as everyone rummaged through their old clothes looking for the perfect wardrobe for him.

"I think Jaina's will fit you." Zekk commented as he helped them dig boxes out of storage. "She was real slim in her teens." Jaina looked at him wide eyed, smacking him in the shoulder.

"Like she is now!" Zekk added, rubbing the pain out of his shoulder. A few boxes later they had found a shirt suitable for the 10 year old (that obviously wasn't a tube or halter top, which jaina seemed to have a lot of...)

Ben held the baby blue shirt out in front of him, reading the worn "True Jedi Punk" writing printed on the shirt. "Cool."

"No." Tahiri informed him. "Not cool, Astral. This will have to do until we get you an official Roadie T-shirt."


Mara had had it up to here by the time the punks had arrived at Nal Hutta. She couldn't sense her son anywhere nearby, although she knew he was alive. She would have felt it if he were dead.

Which could mean only one thing....


She didn't know why Gungans...but they were the reason everything went bad. I mean, the Phantom menace for example. The Old Republic. Yes, that's right, she blamed her former master's rise to power on the Gungans!

Or it could have just been that the punks had actually saved her son and took him on tour with them to a world ruled by the Hutts which she hated almost as much as the gungans.

Just to be safe she hacked into the city central computer and checked the flight manifest for the Rogue Spacer. Sure enough one more person had entered the craft before boarding then there had been upon arrival. Ben...

Oh well, someone was going to pay for this, gungan or not.


The Punks sat in the Rogue Spacer celebrating their victory over Bongo Fett, and their upcoming concert. Everyone but Ben had been enjoying rounds upon rounds of ale, WD40, and shots for hours while they punkified Ben. The youngster, now with black streaks running through his red hair, was sound asleep on the acceleration couch.

Jaina sat beside him shaking her head in exasperation. Jacen and Anakin were fighting again.

Jacen and Anakin are locked in combat in the middle of the chamber. Their swords clash brilliantly. Jacen aggressively drives Anakin back, forcing Anakin- to

use defensive tactics to keep him at bay.

?You have learned much, my brother.? Anakin looked at him with reddened eyes.

Jacen grinned drunkenly. ?You?ll find I?m full of surprises.?

Anakin makes two quick moves, hooking Jacen's sword out of

his hand and sending it flying. Another lightning move at

Jacen's feet forces the youth to jump back to protect himself.

Losing his balance, Jacen rolls down the egress ramp to the circular

platform below. There he sprawls on the floor,

surprised and shaken. Just in time he looks up to see Anakin flying right at him. Jacen rolls away

as Anakin lands. Crouching, Jacen keeps his gaze steadily on his


?Your destiny lies with me, brother. You?re pet snake knew this to be


?No!? Jacen exclaimed.

Behind Jacen the hydraulic elevator cover to the engine room has opened noiselessly. All the while, Jacen slowly, cautiously move back, away the Dark Lord Vader?s namesake. Suddenly, Anakin attacks so forcefully that Jacen loses his balance and falls back into the opening. There is a rumble, and in an instant freezing steam rises to obscure Anakin's vision.Anakin turns aside and deactivates his sword. ?All too easy. Perhaps you are not as strong as Uncle Luke had thought.?

Through the steam behind Anakin something blurs upward. Anakin turns around -- and then looks up. He sees Jacen, who has leaped fifteen feet straight up and who now hangs from some hoses running through the mechanic space. Anakin spoke in Vader?s voice: ?Impressive?most impressive.?

Jacen jumps down raising his hand. His lightsaber swiftly jumps into his outstretched hand and is instantly

ignited. Anakin ignites his blade as well.

?Uncle Luke has taught you well. You have controlled the Force?now release you?re hangover! Only you?re drunkenness can defeat me!?

Zekk brought a bag of popcorn over for him and Jaina to share. They were stunned to see that Anakin was beating Jacenso badly?although considering Jacen had about 5 more WD40?s, it was concieveable.

?You are beaten. It is useless to resist. Don't let yourself be destroyed as you?re pet snake did.?

Jacen answers by rolling sideways and thrusting his sword at Anakin so viciously that he nicks him on the shoulder. He's too drunk to notice the pain, but slashes down on Jacen's right forearm, severing the limb. Jacen's hand falls to the ground with a loud thump. He stares at it, nautious and confused.

"There is no escape. Don't make me destroy you. You do not yet realize your importance. You have only begun to discover you drunkenness. Join me and I will complete your training. With our combined strength,

we can begin this destructive conflict and bring stupor to the galaxy."

" I'll never join you!"

"If you only knew the power of the drunk side. Uncle Luke never told you what happened to your pet snake.

"He told me enough! He told me you killed him!"

" No. I am your pet snake."

Shocked, Jacen looks at Anakin in utter disbelief. " No. No. That's not true! That's impossible!"

" Search your feelings. You know it to be true."

"No! No! No!"

"Oh man," Tahiri commented, throwing her ale away. "I thought i was drunk."

"ANAKIN!" Jaina exclaimed, whacking her younger brother on the back of the head. "You cut Jacen's arm off!"

"And you got blood all over the ship!" Zekk moaned. "Awwwh man."

Edited by Rogue

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Meanwhile back on Nar Shaddaa....

After Keith had helpd Bongo up from the floor, the two were only just discovering the mass killing spree spred all over the floor. The five N*SYNC'ers a big bloody mess and a few paces away lay Mick. Even farther away lay Mick's head.

Keith shook his head. "What a loss for rock 'n' roll..."

"Yeah." Agreed Bongo. "I liked those dudes."

Keith looked up at Bongo. "I was talking about Mick."

"Er..uh. Yeah. I was too.

Want a tot?" He held up a piece to Keith.


Now, shouldn't we figure out how to get those kids back?"

"But.. with N*SYNC gone... my plan has been foiled."

"No... you give up too easily. I'll make up some calls... Get some more pop stars in here."

"Really? You'd do that for me? Gosh! You're a pal!"

Keith rolled his eyes and walked over to find a comm console.

Bongo ate his tot.


On Coruscant (or wherever the others are...)

Mara hopped into the Jade's Sabre and sped off in hot pursuit of the Rogue Spacer.

:: Ben! Mommy's coming! ::

:: Uhh. mom.. I'm okay now. Everyone came to save me. ::

:: No, you're still in danger... ::

"WHAT?!!" Ben accidentally yelled outloud. Everyone looked at him.

"Uh.. bad dream."

They shrugged and went back to wrapping Jacen's arm in ice for transport to the medical frigate.

:: I mean.. what? What danger? ::

:: Those cousins of yours. They're bad news. ::

:: But.. you love Jaina and Jacen and Ben... ::

:: Well. I was wrong. I'm on my way. Be ready. ::

:: No. ::

:: What? ::

:: I said no. ::

Kriffin' Punks.. they've damaged his mind already. I need backup...

:: I don't care. I'm coming. :: Mara shut off her Force link with Ben.

I need backup. Mara commed Luke.


Back on Nar Shaddaa..

"Okay, Bongo. The last ship has arrived. They'll be here any minute."

"Oh goodie! Thanks Keith!"

"Yeah. Don't mention it. Really." Keith moved off to one side. He grabbed Mick's sub atomic machine gun. Just in case.

"Heya Bongo, man! Glad you called. Came as soon as I could. What's the trouble?" came a girly voice.

Bongo turned to Keith and whispered. "Why's Clay Aiken here?"

"Dunno.. I called Reuben Studdard."

"I couldn't help but overhear... Reuben couldn't make it. And besides, I was the real winner any way. Everyone just LOVES me!"

"You mean loves to kill you..." muttered Keith.

"Oh well, okay, Clay." Answered Bongo. "You'll do."

"Cool." Clay ran his hands through his hair. He noticed it was getting limp, then saw the bottle of girly hair gel lying on the floor near the dead boy banders. "Gel!"

Moussing his hair, he had a thought. (Yeah, strange).

"So Bongo... is my buddy Ryan coming?"

Bongo glanced at Keith. He shook his head.

"Uh, no he isn't. Sorry."

"Oh, darn." Clay looked about to cry.

"Yeah, okay. Keith, where's everyone else?"

"They'll be here... don't worry...

See, there's someone now."

Suddenly some loud theme music started playing. Fireworks and smoke went up around one of the doorways.

"Ooh, flashy.." murmured Bongo.

Girls backflipped into the room and stood looking back at the entrance. Then, he came. No, he strutted.

"Wow...it's... it's..."

"Yes, Bongo. It's ... "

Edited by Mara: conejita de nieva

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"It's...uh...crap, I lost my cue card." Keith rummaged through his pockets. "Nope, not here. Has anyone seen a piece of flimsy about, oh, this big?" He held up his hands. The others shook their heads.

The man strutted forward and stopped in front of Clay. "What is he doing here?" He gave the young singer a despicable look and shook his head. "No matter. My bags are in the ship. Please see them brought up to my room and unpacked. I expect the suits hung as well as the shirts. Not one wrinkle, you hear? NOT ONE WRINKLE! Oh, and I expect a manacure later on...have to keep my nails in perfect order. What?!? Playing the piano requires very delicate hands." He growled at the shocked faces staring back at him, and stormed out of the room, admiring his hands.

"What the bloody sith just happened?" Bongo shouted, enraged at the way the strange man just addressed him.

A rather pale Keith shrunk back a little and stammered, "Erm...funny thing, really. You see, I sent word to bring Alicia Keys here, but--"

"--but obviously that's not Alicia Keys," Bongo finished. "Well, if that isn't who you planned for, who exactly is it?"

"I don't know...it must be somebody ancient. I'm not sure I like the looks of him. He lseemed almost...forgive my stereotyping...but he seemed almost--"


Both Keith and Bongo looked up in astonishment. Keith frowned. "Are you telling me that--"

"Yup, it's Elton John."

"But how did you know it was him? How did you know that he was...you know...gay?" Keith almost whispered the last part.

"Yeah, and why did he seem to know you?" Bongo frowned, suddenly suspicious of the young singer.

"Uh...Elton and I were, well...we have a history together," he finished with shifty eyes.

* * *

"What?!?!? ARE YOU TELLING ME AUNT MARA IS ON HER WAY NOW? HERE?!?" Jaina screamed at a terrified Ben.

"Jaina, relax sweetie," Zekk soothed.

"Yes, my friend Jaina, you need to relax. We've delt with Master Mara before. We can outrun here, or if worst comes to worst, we out number her in a fight," Tenel Ka said.

"And," piped in Anakin, "we have more Blended Ewok Holiday Edition than her!"

"What exactly does that have to do with anything?" Tahiri demanded. "I think it's time you sober up for a while, Anakin. This stuff is clearly affecting your mind."

The room went suddenly quiet, and all eyes were on the blond-haired girl. "Did you just s-s-say the...s-word?" Jacen whispered, eyes darting wildly around.

"You mean sober?" Tahiri asked innocently.

Anakin ran up to her and felt her forhead. "Are you sick? Who are you? And what have you done with my drunk girlfriend?" He gasped. "Wait a sith-spawned bantha hide, you're not Tahiri!" he cried as the fake skin started pealing back on the face that very closely resembled Tahiri's only moments earlier.

"Bwahahaha! You're right, I am not Tahiri!" A new and rather low voice replaced the high-pitched girl voice. "Now you will all bow before me, or you will never see your little friend again!"

"Ah, stormtrooper guts, this never ends!" Jaina cried. "Can't we just live a normal punk life? Why does this thing always have to happen to us," she moaned.

"Silence! Or I kill your friend!" the voice demanded. The punks quieted immediately, except for a low rumble that echoed from somebody.

"Lowie, quiet!" Tenel Ka cried.

"Erm, sorry, that's my stomach." Anakin cringed.

Jacen stepped forward. "Okay, so if we're gonna bow to you, then at least tell us who you are."

"Yea, and quickly too. The alarms are going to go off any minute in the cockpit. We're getting close to our next stop, and I don't want to bring the ship out of hyperspace too close to the planet again," Jaina added.

"Very well. I am--"

Suddenly an alarm started blaring from the cockpit. "Oh, gotta go bring us out of hyperspace." Jaina rushed out of the room, followed closely by Zekk.

Edited by Sticks

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The former Tahiri cleared his throat to continue. "Yes. I am who you know simply as "that funny blue guy with red eyes." But please, call me Grand Admiral Thrawn." Another layer of skin peeled back, revealing the blue skin and red eyes common to the Chiss. He glanced down, feeling rather odd in a mini skirt and tank top.

"You!" He pointed at Lowie. "Fetch me some proper clothes!" For some reason, Lowie complied, lumbering off to look for something more appropriate for an evil Grand Admiral.

Anakin spoke up. "Wait a second.. you're supposed to be dead!"

"A lot of things have supposedly happened but didn't, boy."

"Yeah. Okay.

Hey, wait a second.. where's Tahiri?!"

"She is quite all right. For now."

"What do you want?" asked Jacen.

"A confron -- meeting with an old nem -- friend. Yes, a meeting with an old friend."

"What does that have to do with us?" Chimed in Tenel Ka.

"Everything... " Thrawn rubbed his wrinkly hands together. "Everything..."


Back on Nar Shaddaa...

"No matter. You'll have to work together any way," announced Bongo.

Keith Richards could only stammar.

"You heard the man. Go fetch him a manicure."

"Yes, Bongo.." Keith left with his head hanging.

Bongo was left alone with Clay. Darnit.

Clay smiled a sparkling smile, complete with a "twinkle."

"Yes..uhh.. move along now. We have others coming. No rush."

"Yes, I know. I want to greet them. I love meeting new friends."

"Right. Well... okay.

But first get me some more tots!"

"Yes, Master Bongo!" Clay skipped out of the room.

But before Bongo could have a moment alone, the doorway chimed, announcing another arrival.

"I can't get a moment's peace," he muttered.

"Who is it this time?"

Something flew past Bongo so quickly he hadn't a chance to see who it was.

"Boo!" came a hyper voice. The being jumped in front of Bongo. "It's me! Donkey!"

"Donkey? Like from Shrek? Sweet... er.. Why you?"

"'Cause I'm a superstar!"

"Oh, geez... "


Jaina and Zekk came back into the room, surprised to see some blue dude there.

"Are we in Vegas?"

"No, Zekk... that's a Chiss, not the Blue Man Group."

"Oh.. I'm still gonna ask for an autograph.." Zekk wandered over to the Chiss.

"... and that's all I want. Simple really." Thrawn finished his spiel about what he wanted.

"NO!" screamed Ben.

Jaina caught up with Zekk.

"What's wrong, Ben?"

"That evil man wants to capture my mom and dad!"

"No, no, no.. you have it wrong. I merely want to have them over for tea."

Ben started crying.

"Hooooold on." Jaina quieted the rising din that was emerging from the others. "Now who, what, where, why, huh?"

"Exactly." Stated Jacen.

Jaina still looked confused.

Jacen explained. "That's Grand Admiral Thrawn. He wants to meet with Uncle Luke and Aunt Mara to discuss er.. their past relations."

"Oh no.....oh no, no, no...."

"What now, Jaina? I know it's a shock to see him alive.."

"No, not that... But we've just arrived at the next planet.


Edited by Mara: conejita de nieva

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"Really?" Jacen asked, peering at the screen. "What kind of hyperdrive did we fit in this thing, Csilla's like on the other side of the galaxy."

"Ehh, I dunno." Jaina shrugged.

"Umm, dearest Jaina," said Zekk, "you have the map upside-down."

"Oh, whoops!" Jaina turned a bright shade of pink, and rotated the map to the right way up.

"So where are we really?" asked Anakin.



"I dunno, I just flew the ship in a straight line until we got somewhere," Jaina shrugged as if she had had nothing to do with it.

"Kamino, eh?" Thrawn mused quietly. "I hear they make good clones..."

"Sorry, did you say something Mr Thrawnypoos?" asked Jaina.

"That's Grand Admiral Thrawn to you, young lady!" Thrawn snapped, "not 'Mr Thrawnypoos'!"

"I thought you said that they make something good on Kamino," asked Anakin.

"Err... I said they make good clothes," said Thrawn with shifty eyes, "yes. That's what I said."

"Oh Mr Thrawnypoos, you're so funny." Jaina giggled.

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"Stop calling me that!" Yelled Thrawn. "Now, you," he pointed to Zekk. "Go send a comm to the Skywalkers to meet you at Kamino."

"Yes, sir, Mr Thrawn Sir!" Zekk starting composing a comm to send.


"What, Jaina?"

"What are you doing?"

"Following orders...?

There, all done." He hit the send button.

"Wait!!" chorused the rest, but it was too late. The message was on its way.

"Yes.. yes.. this is all perfect..." cackled the Grand Admiral.


Meanwhile Ben was sulking in a corner, wishing he had never agreed to come along and had the Punks just returned him home. He didn't want to sacrifice his parents just to be a stupid rockstar. I don't want to sacrifice my parents just to be a stupid rockstar... they're more important....

Wait...I can warn them with the Force! Ben glanced around, noticed everyone stilll arguing and headed off to an empty cabin. Concentrating, he sent something out to his mom. Hopefully she'd understand.

:: Mom? ::

:: Ben! Where are you? What the -- ::

:: Mom.. please.. I'm sorry. ::

:: .. I know. Now get your cousins to take you home. ::

:: Well.. I was gonna join then band, but -- ::

:: Ben, I forbid you to join that band! ::

:: BUT... now I don't want to. Tahiri turned into this blue guy Thrawn and now he wants to kill you or something.... I'm scared, mom. ::

:: Thrawn? :: Mara paused, probably discussing it over with Luke.

:: Are you sure, honey? ::

Ben nodded through the Force.

:: Okay. We better make it seem like everything's normal. Where are you guys? ::

:: Uhh, Kamino I think. ::

:: Okay, Ben. Hold tight. Mommy's coming. :: Mommy's coming to kick some dead admiral ass...

Ben felt more relieved after the conversation and went to find the galley.


"Oh no...." Jaina moaned. "Uncle Luke is gonna get us in trouble again...."

"Don't worry, Jaina," conforted Jacen. "We can explain. He wanted us to start back up again, remember?"

"But that was to rescue Ben. We were supposed to stop after we got him back," countered Anakin.

"Oh, right."


Back on Nar Shaddaa....

Bongo was still shaking his head, trying to figure out how a freakin' donkey ended up in his secret lair. Nothing was making sense. How were Elton John, Clay Aiken and a donkey going to help him wreak revenge on the Punks? Oh and Keith Richards. How were Elton John, Clay Aiken, a donkey and Keith Richards going to help him wreak havoc on the Punks? Bongo's head was hurting. He wondered what was taking Clay so long to get him some tots. And that darn donkey was grinning at him like a loon. It was creepy.

Donkey galloped around. "So what is there to do for fun in this joint?"

"Nothing... just go chase your tail or something...whatever it is you do."

"No." Donkey suddenly sounded defiant, with a deeper voice. "I will not."

"What the blazes..?"

"It is time to reveal my true self." There was a flash of light and Donkey began to glow, levitating into the air.

Bongo shaded his eyes from the blinding light.

The figure turned slowly in the air for a while before alighting back to the permacrete floor. The light disappeared.

"Hello, Bongo."

"Oh, no not you! Why couldn't it be anyone but you!" Bongo ran away, mumbling about tots.

"That boy never could take surprises well.." mused Zuckuss the bounty hunter.

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"That's it, fly it right down there to my evil bas---er, my humble abode."

"Whoa, what in the name of Jabba's great aunt Gertrude is that?!" Anakin asked, rather disgusted.

Thrawn smiled. "Isn't it beautiful? The Kaminoans built it for me as a gift for thier new King. I call it the Left Pinky Toe of Thrawn."

"wow, is you're left pinky toe really that stubby and fat?" Jacen wondered.

"Jabba had an aunt Gertrude?" Jaina questioned.

"Are you sure you were never a part of the Blue Man Group?" Zekk pressed.

"Are we there yet?!" Anakin asked.

"Yes it is, yes, she liked mandalorian skull art, no i'm not, and no we arent."

"Oh." Anakin frowned.

Thrawn turned back to the viewport and sighed. I long awkward moment passed...

"How about now?"


He popped his knuckles. "Now...?"

"I said no."

"but...what about now?"

I said no, kriff it!" Thrawn sighed.




"For the last time NO!"

Jaina had a bad feeling about this..."Zekk, turn the ship around."

"What? but he said--"

"Just do it, i have a bad feeling about this."

"How bad a feeling? Like allie and allie just ripped Coruscant to shreds bad, or Luke Skywalker started another nudist colony and Booster Terrik just stole all the galaxy's Blended Ewok Holiday Edition bad?"

"Booster Terrik just stole--"

Zekk screamed in agony. "WHYYYYYYYY?!"

She slapped him, leaving a mark where her wedding ring hit his face. "Ouch..." Zekk rubbed at his cheek. "What was that for?"

"For not listening to the Captains orders, and for not getting me a ring studded with Hapan rainbow gems among other things."

"Honey, you're forgetting that i was living on the streets, remember? You were my sugarmama."

"oh right."

"So what were we talking about...?"

"Turning the ship around."

"oh that's right" he remembered, turning the ship around. "You know for a second there it was almost as if somebody from another galaxy was having us ramble on like a bunch of idiots about nothing at all."

"I wouldn't do that!" Thrawn warned.

"What?" jaina asked. "Ramble on like a bunch of idiots?"

"No! Turn the ship around!"

Zekk grinned. "Turn the ship around?"

"No, keep in on cour--"

"Okay! Turn the ship around!"

"No, turn it back!"

"Nice try Mr Blue Man Group." Zekk smirked. "we can see right through you!"

"Enough of these games!" Thrawn yelled in a rfare display of anger. "You will dock at the hanger at the Left Pinky Toe of Thrawn, or I press abutton and kill the your blond keyboardist!"

"You mean Tahiri?" Anakin asked.

"YES I MEAN TAHIRI!" Anakin pouted.

"Do as he says, Jaina." Jacen told his sister, glaring daggers at the red eyed chiss.

"So we dock at the 'Hang Nail" right?"

"The Hanger. H-A-N-G-E-R. HANGER!"

A troop of blue-painted stormtroopers greeted the Jedi none-too gently on the exit ramp.

Edited by Rogue

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"Geez, watch the jacket," Jacen muttered as one of the blue stormtroopers prodded him into line.

"Where's the cantina?" asked Anakin eagerly.

"After we save Tahiri, little brother," Jaina said.

"Aww..." Anakin sighed.

"I know it's hard, but we want to save here before getting drunk," Zekk said. "Wait, did I just say that?"


"NOOOOO!!!" Zekk wailed, "I'm SOBER!"

Jaina slapped him round the face, leaving a ring-mark on his other cheek, "pull yourself together, for kriffs sake!"

"Are you quite finished?" Thrawn said, unimpressed.

Lowie growled something.

"Not quite," translated Jacen.

"WELL YOU ARE NOW!" Thrawn braked. "Get moving!"

The blue troopers prodded them back into a line and escorted them inside the Left Pinky Toe of Thrawn.

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While the Punks continued to get surrounded by blue stormtroopers, Bongo was having a panic attack on Nar Shaddaa..

"Bongo, please stop that," pleaded Keith Richards. "You're cutting off air to my lungs."

"Sorry..." Bongo stepped away from Keith. "I'm just.. so scared!"

Keith raised a brow. "Of that guy? He's a little wimp.:

"Zuckuss? Noooo... he's stronger than he looks. Really." Bongo chewed on his fingernails.

"Nasty habit." Muttered Keith.

Just then Zuckuss came into the cabin the two were hiding in. Well, where Bongo was hiding in with Keith.

"Hiding from me, Bongo?"

"N-n-n-no. Of course not."

Zuckuss cackled. Bongo curled up into a fetus position, chittering to himself.

"Man, you gotta leave the boss alone." Said Keith, complete with hand gestures.

"What are you gonna do about it, fading rockstar?" another evil grin.

"This." Keith blasted the bounty hunter with Mick's sub atomic machine gun. He happened to carry it with him everywhere. "I knew this would come in handy.." He walked over to Bongo and kicked him.

"Bongo, hey Bongo, dude..."


Back on the Rogue Spacer...

Ben emerged from the galley full of multiple ration bars, fruit and some liquid substance he didn't know. He felt strangely... good... and happy. He headed back forward to talk to his cousins.

He stopped short. No one was in the cockpit. Or the cabins. Or the 'fresher. Where is everyone?

"Jacen? Jaina? Anakin? Zekk? Tenel Ka? Tahi-er, Thrawn? Lowie? Anyone? Hello?" At this point, Ben was starting to get real concerned. He wandered by a viewport and looked out.

The ship was sitting on a landing pad jutting out into an enormous gray ocean. He thought things through for a while. After realizing that Thrawn must have done something horrible to his cousins, he decided to go back to hiding in the ship, hoping that no one realized he was missing. Ben was sure glad they installed smuggling compartments behind the garbage shute to hide their WD-40. He slid in behind and set in to wait.


Back at the Left Pinky Toe of Thrawn....

"Ooooh, pretty!" exclaimed Zekk.


"Yes, sir, Mr Thrawn Sir."

"Just Thrawn, thank you."

"You're welcome."

Jaina poked Zekk. "Shut up," she hissed. "Yes, miss Jaina sir." She glared, he grinned.

"Let's just try to stay calm," came Jacen from the back of the pack. "We'll figure something out."

Lowie growled but stopped when a blue stormtrooper pointed his lasgun at him.

"Quiet now, we're reaching a sensitive area." Thrawn motioned to his very blue guard. He whispered. "Shoot the next one who makes a sound." The trooper nodded and relayed the message through his commlink to the other troopers.

They were walking through a long hallway, strangely decorated in steel gray slate. Steel gray slate painted pink. Everything was pink, from the walls, to the ceiling to the marble floor. The Punks eyed each other but didn't say a word.


On Coruscant...

"LUKE!" Screamed Mara. "Get your ass in here! We're leaving!"

Luke came running in the room with two suitcases. "I know, I know. I finished packing hours ago."

"Then what were you---" Mara sighed. "Please tell me you were not doing what I thought you were doing...

Nevermind, I don't want to know." She hefted her own small suitcase. "Let's go."

Luke nodded and grabbed his baggage, following her out of the apartment to the Jade's Sabre.


Left Pinky Toe...

Anakin glanced at Zekk. :: Are you also wondering what sort of clone is under those blue uniforms? ::

Zekk nodded. :: I want to know too. :: He grinned mischievously. :: Let's find out! ::

:: Zekk, no! :: came Jacen because he's always paying attention to everything.

But it was too late. Zekk had lifted a helmet off the nearest trooper with the Force and underneath came the orangey brown head of a Gungan.

All the Punks widened their eyes. Zekk quickly replaced it before anyone noticed. But not quick enough for Lowie, who laughed softly to himself.

Everyone glanced at Lowie. He slapped his massive paw against his face. Just in time for a blue trooper to shoot a blast into Lowie. The Wookiee collapsed.

The Punks stopped midstep to move to their fallen comrade.

"No, keep moving. We're almost there."

Anakin muttered. "Does he have eyes in the back of his head or something?"

Edited by Mara: conejita de nieva

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At the Little Pinky Toe, the group was forced on despite having to leave their friend behind.

"I do not have eyes in the back of my head, young Jedi," Thrawn said. "I just know what you did. As soon as I heard your friend fall I knew what you were doing."

::Can we sabre the Gungan clones?:: Anakin thought.

::That would make me too thirsty:: Zekk replied. ::And I really want to save Tahiri first.::

Jacen thought up, ::After we save Tahiri we can slice these fools while getting drunk, while helping Lowie.::

::Woot!:: came the mental replies.


Then on Jade Sabre, Luke and Mara dropped outsystem at Kamino.

::We're coming Ben:: Mara thought. She looked over at Luke and elbowed him in the ribs, hard, waking him up.

"Oof! What was that for?"

"We're here, get your sabre ready," Mara said.

Clueless, Luke said, "But we're in the Sabre and it's prepped."

She hit him upside the head. "Your lightsabre!" To herself she muttered, "Dumbass."

"Oh..." Luke said and fumbled with the hilt of his sabre.

Edited by Hall_Marnari

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Thrawn led the Punks minus Tahiri to an intricate throne room. Thrawn stalked up to the throne and sat facing the Punks. "Ok you snot nosed brats. Play. Play or you die."

"Um, Mr Thrawnypoos," Jaina spoke up. "You kinda vaped our drummer and well, Tahiri, we can't play without her, she plays a mean triangle."


"Oops," Jaina giggled. "Ooooh wait, I know what we can play! We can play tea party!"

The other Punks agreed and out of nowhere popped up a table set for a tea party. Jacen and Anakin had made up since Anakin sliced off Jacen's arm with the lightsaber and they dragged Thrawn down to the head of the table. Soon a tea party was in full swing. Jaina turned and offered Thrawn a cup of tea. After he accepted she got up to serve it and tripped over a cord on the floor. The tea splashed all over Thrawn and he started throwing sparks and within second was covered in flames.

"Sweet!" Zekk yelled.

"Don't just stand there, put him out!" Jaina screamed at Zekk.

Zekk ran over to a curtained off area of the room and grabbed the curtain to smother the fire on Thrawn. He got it out quickly and they all stared blankely at the droid shell that stared back at them. And then the mouth moved. "Pay no attention to the droid," the dead Thrawn droid said.

The Punks jumped and looked over at the area that had previously been curtained off. Their jaws all dropped when they saw who the person was. "Tahiri?!?!" they all cried in unison.

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Tahiri was sitting on a perfectly circular bed, much like one might see in a 60's swinger's room. She was dressed in a fake military uniform, her hair was in a braid that hung to just below her waist. She was sitting cross-legged, with an acoustic guitar in her lap, and a joint poking out of the right side of her mouth.

"Dear mother of Vader!!" Jacen screamed.

"Where's Grandma? Does she have cookies?" Jaina asked, now intrigued.

"No! That's for later!! But... Tahiri... what did Thrawnypoos do to you?"

"Maaaaannn... that blue guy... he like, opened my mind, man. I feel the currents of life now, duuuude." Tahiri slurred, while taking a big puff of the joint.

Anakin was on the floor, stamping his fist against the ground and bawling.

All the other punks felt like doing the same.

Edited by Ender

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Meanwhile back on Nar Shaddaa....

Bongo woke up confused. He didn't remember what had happened. He looked around at his surroundings. It looked all medical. Scared, he let out a high-pitched scream.

"Bongo, man, calm down." Came Keith's voice. "Hey you woke up. We fixed ya up real good."


"I blasted that Zuckuss dude for you. Now that you're better we can leave."

"Why would you do that? He could have --- Leaving? Where are we going?"

"To get those Punks back, remember? Elton and Clay are already waiting in your ship."

"Okay." Bongo thought awhile. "Did you remember tots?"

"Yes, I remembered tots, Bongo.

Now, can we go?"

"Yeah, okay. I feel much better." Bongo got out of his bed and followed Keith over to the Goshfactor.


On Kamino....

Luke and Mara ran through many corridors, looking for the Punks and their son, Ben. They couldn't be seen anywhere.

Luke stopped. "Mara, this isn't getting us anywhere. Feel through the Force." He closed his eyes and went in to a meditative state, that somehow gave him weird pleasured look on his face.

"Good idea," agreed Mara, who also delved into the Force.

"I feel them.... but not close..."

"Yes... they're.......

.. on the other side of the planet... Let's go!" Mara whirled and ran back to the Sabre. Luke didn't follow.


"Go ahead... I feel something... else... here...

I'll catch up..."

Mara was uncertain about this, given Luke's current mental instability, but shrugged and went on to her ship, too angry to argue.


Elsewhere on Kamino...

Tahiri sat in her love next, moving to some hidden musical beat inside her head, while the Punks gathered in a corner, deciding what the hell to do with her.

"How did a robot do that do her?" wailed Anakin.

"I don't know, Anakin, but we'll figured something out. We always do." Answered Jacen.

Just then the Thrawn droid sputtered and pointed a wired finger. "WOiaerw owuierfau oiuhrfuioahe!!"

The Punks glanced at the droid, then at each other.

"The battery musta went out.." quipped Jaina.

But then Anakin merely jerked his hand up with the Force and shattered the droid. It no longer tried to speak.

"Anakin! What if it was trying to tell us something important?" Injected Zekk.

"I don't care."

"Anakin...." Jacen said sternly.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!" Anakin then ran from the room.

"Duuuuuude.... these walls are like....totally pink... and stuff... " murmured Tahiri.

The rest of the Punks gathered together again to figure out a plan.


Aboard the Goshfactor...

"So where to, boss?" asked Keith.

"I don't know... wherever those kids went."

Keith rolled his eyes. "Take a guess."

"I don't know, geez." Bongo popped in a tot, flipped through the navicomputer looking at locations. "Okay, let's try ---" and he listed off several planets. "I'm sure they're on one of these."

"Alright." Keith grabbed hold of the yoke and sent the Factor rushing through hyperspace headed to Reecee.

Some hours later...

"Where are these kriffin' kids? Five planets and still no sign...."

"I have to pee...." whined Clay.

"Use the 'fresher, doofus." Answered Bongo.

"No, I can't. Elton's in there doing his makeup..."

Bongo sighed. "Fine. Next planet, you can get out."

"Sounds wonderful. I hope it's pretty there."

Bongo rolled his eyes, while Keith once again pulled back the hyperspace lever.



Mara had just landed the Sabre on the other side of Kamino. "I hate water," she muttered. Every since the incident while on the Hand of Thrawn, she had detested large amounts of water or any fluid. Tucking her robes tightly around her, she headed out into the rain, with R2-D2 following for backup. The door to the bubble opened with her touch. She thought it strange, but kept going. Thrawn apparently wented her there, so of course she would have to be able to get in.

Meanwhile, Luke was still back on the original side of Kamino, walking slowly through passageways deep into the town/city/thing following a sense he had. Somehow the being had masked itself so Luke couldn't tell exactly what he/she/it was or where. Suddenly he heard voices and ducked into a corridor. Some Gungans walked back in blue stormtrooper armor, following a blue trooper with his helmet on. Wait, he thought. That's not trooper armor. It's skin.

Thrawn... Luke quickly made himself small in the Force. He knew Thrawn wasn't Force-sensitive but he had ways of finding Jedi any way. Luke waited a few more minutes and then started following them quietly down the hall.

The group stopped at an alcove that opened into a large viewport.

"Aren't they marvelous?" Asked "Thrawn."

The Gungan troopers nodded. "You betcha" said one.

Thrawn cackled.

Intrigued, Luke crept farther ahead to get a glimpse through that viewport. He caught a reflection in an extremely shiny trooper helmet.

"Oh no....."


"Bongo!" squealed Clay. "I have to go..now!"

"Hold it. Cross your legs. Something. We still have 20 minutes left till realspace."

Clay clenched his teeth, trying to hold it. Then "uh oh."

"Oh hell no..." Bongo looked behind him to see an extremely redfaced Clay standing in a pool of his pee.

He glanced back at Keith. "Keith...."

"Yes, boss?" Bongo waved his hands at Clay.

"Okay, I'll get to that right away." He muttered to himself as he went aft to look for some kitty litter. "When I no longer need that idiot, I'm gonna blast him so fast..."

Edited by Mara: conejita de nieva

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