Ender 8 Posted April 13, 2004 *cough*FARFETCHED TO THE UBER MAX*cough, cough* Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CorSec 5 Posted April 13, 2004 Nice Drake...High five :p Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Andy 60 Posted August 16, 2004 (edited) WARNING: Political joke follows! A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am." The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude. She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican." "I am," replied the man. "How did you know?" "Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me." The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Democrat." "I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?" "Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met but, somehow, now it's my fault." DISCLAIMER: It's a joke. No offense intended. Edited August 16, 2004 by beeurd Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
GI_Admiral 2 Posted August 16, 2004 Hahahaha that's great!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Radioactive Isotope 29 Posted August 16, 2004 :rofl: oh so true Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Chickenman 9 Posted September 14, 2004 Nice. WARNING: Heavy opinionated stuff to follow. All Democrats, read with caution. If I offend any of your political sensibilities... and I know I will... good! Anyone can be a Democrat simply by not thinking and voting that way. But if you want to be a GOOD Democrat, there are some core myths you must believe: 1. You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of Federal funding. 2. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex. 3. You have to believe that guns, in the hands of law-abiding Americans, are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese communists. 4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding. 5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate, and more affected by yuppies driving SUVs. 6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial, but being homosexual is natural. 7. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand. 8. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity. 9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists from Hollywood do. 10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it. 11. You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it supports certain parts of the constitution, while the ACLU is good, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution. 12. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high. 13. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides aren't. 14. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge. 15. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and sex offender belongs in the White House (from '93 through 2000)! 16. You have to believe that homosexual parades should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal. 17. You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the Communist Chinese is somehow in the best interest of the United States. Vote Democratic ... It's easier than thinking! Heh. Good Stuff. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Radioactive Isotope 29 Posted September 15, 2004 *snicker* Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Chickenman 9 Posted September 15, 2004 There's an advantage to being center left. You get to laugh at both sides. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Makia Posted September 15, 2004 (edited) A man wants to buy a horse & sees an ad in the newspaper. The ad was placed by the local priest. When the man goes to the church, he sees the preist with the horse. The man asks about it. "Well," said the priest, "he'll only move if you say Praise The Lord!" "That's okay." The man replied. "He'll only stop when you shout Amen!" Said the priest. "That's okay too. I'll take him." The man replied. The man pays for the horse & gets on him. "Praise the Lord!" The man shouts. The horse takes off running. The horse is running for a while when the man notices a cliff ahead. "Stop!, Woah!, Heel!, Sit!, Roll Over!, Play dead!" The man yells trying to make the horse stop. Finnally the man remembers what the priest told him. "Amen!" the man screams. The horse stops just inches from the edge of the cliff. The man wipes his forehead and says, "Praise the Lord!" lol I have one that is similar... except he bought the horse from a farmer who tried to instill his christian values into the horse the go and stop was thank god and our father who art in heaven... Edited August 17, 2008 by beeurd Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tsl 7 Posted March 20, 2005 On the sixth day God turned to Archangel Gabriel and said: "Today I am going to create a land called Canada, it will be a land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall have tall majestic mountains full of mountain goats and eagles, beautiful sparkling lakes bountiful with bass and trout, forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs over-looking sandy beaches with an abundance of sea life, and rivers stocked with salmon." God continued, "I shall make the land rich in oil so as to make the inhabitants prosper, I shall call these inhabitants Canadians, and they shall be known as the most friendly people on the earth." "But Lord," asked Gabriel "don't you think you are being too generous to these Canadians?" "Not really," replied God "just wait and see the neighbors I am going to give them." ---------------------------------------------------------------- In a train there was a Canadian, an American, a spectacular looking blonde and a frightfully awful looking fat lady. The train happens to pass through a dark tunnel, and the unmistakable sound of a slap is heard. When they leave the tunnel, the American had a big red slap mark on his cheek. ** The blonde thought - "that American son of a bith wanted to touch me and by mistake, he must have put his hand on the fat lady, who in turn must have slapped his face" ** The fat lady thought - "this dirty old American laid his hands on the blond and she smacked him" ** The American thought - "That damned Canadian put his hand on that blond and by mistake she slapped me" ** The Canadian thought - "I hope there's another tunnel soon so I can smack that stupid American again" :p Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Andy 60 Posted March 20, 2005 (edited) On the sixth day God turned to Archangel Gabriel and said: "Today I am going to create a land called Canada, it will be a land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall have tall majestic mountains full of mountain goats and eagles, beautiful sparkling lakes bountiful with bass and trout, forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs over-looking sandy beaches with an abundance of sea life, and rivers stocked with salmon." God continued, "I shall make the land rich in oil so as to make the inhabitants prosper, I shall call these inhabitants Canadians, and they shall be known as the most friendly people on the earth." "But Lord," asked Gabriel "don't you think you are being too generous to these Canadians?" "Not really," replied God "just wait and see the neighbors I am going to give them." I posted that one years ago, except it was Scotland instead of Canada. And the neighbours being England, of course. tis my (Scottish) grandad's favourite joke. :) Edited August 17, 2008 by beeurd Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
GI_Admiral 2 Posted March 20, 2005 Haha...heard that with Michigan Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Andy 60 Posted May 12, 2006 Yeah, the Joke Thread thread seems to be one of those threads that always dissapears when we have database errors, so here it is again for I think the third time. lol Here's a little something I founf whilst looking at the website of an old school friend: http://markdev.googlepages.com/ready Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Radioactive Isotope 29 Posted May 12, 2006 ok, how was that adult content? :???: Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Chickenman 9 Posted May 12, 2006 I love that one. So what is the thread for? Just any joke at all? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Neil1 0 Posted May 12, 2006 (edited) ok, how was that adult content? Something to do with the enormous erect penis on show half way down the page. Edited May 12, 2006 by Neil1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Andy 60 Posted May 12, 2006 ok, how was that adult content? I didn't say it was. I love that one. So what is the thread for? Just any joke at all? Yup yup! ok, how was that adult content? Something to do with the enormous erect penis on show half way down the page. Bah, I almost believed you then, I went back to check. :p Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Neil1 0 Posted May 13, 2006 Damn it. I wanted her to check. :( Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Radioactive Isotope 29 Posted May 13, 2006 nice try, though :p Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bad furday 57 Posted May 15, 2006 Those are great! My favourite,,, "Should you uncover a terrorist plot, simply alert the authorities by blowing your anti-terrorist whistle." *whistles* :p Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bad furday 57 Posted May 15, 2006 http://www.devilducky.com/media/45466/ :D Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Radioactive Isotope 29 Posted May 15, 2006 :rofl: AWESOME!!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
