Princess 35 Posted October 6, 2004 No, but I feel better Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CorSec 5 Posted October 6, 2004 And I live in eternal bliss, knowing that the foolish mortals will be punished. *marks "Apocalypse" on calendar* Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Andy 60 Posted October 7, 2004 "life is like a box of chocolates: its expensive, it makes you ill, and if other people see you with it they will try to take pieces of it away from you." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Radioactive Isotope 29 Posted October 7, 2004 :lol: ain't that the truth. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ender 8 Posted October 7, 2004 (edited) Bypasses are devices that allow some people to dash from point A to point B very fast while other people dash from point B to point A very fast. People living at point C, being a point directly in between, are often given to wonder what's so great about point A that so many people from point B are so keen to get there and what's so great about point B that so many people from point A are so keen to get there. They often wish that people would just once and for all work out where the hell they wanted to be. ~Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre and that I am therefore excused from saving universes. --Life, The Universe and Everything The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss. --Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy The history of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is now so complicated that every time I tell it I contradict myself, and whenever I do get it right I'm misquoted. So the publication of this omnibus edition seemed like a good opportunity to set the record straight--or at least firmly crooked. --Douglas Adams You barbarians! I'll sue the council for every penny it's got! I'l have you hung, drawn, and quartered! And whipped! And boiled...until...until...until you've had enough. And then I will do it again! And when I've finished I will take all the little bits, and I will JUMP on them! And I will carry on jumping on them until I get blisters, or I can think of anything even more unpleasant to do... --Arthur Dent One of the things Ford Prefect had always found hardest to understand about humans was their habit of continuously stating and repeating the very very obvious, as in It's a nice day, or You're very tall, or Oh dear you seem to have fallen down a thirty-foot well, are you all right? --The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Arthur: If I asked you where the hell we were, would I regret it? Ford: We're safe. Arthur: Oh good. Ford: We're in a small galley cabin in one of the spaceships of the Vogon Constructor Fleet. Arthur: Ah, this is obviously some strange use of the word safe that I wasn't previously aware of. --HHGTG Charming man. I wish I had a daughter so I could forbid her to marry one... --Arthur Dent He was experiencing the aural equivalent of looking at a picture of two black silhouetted faces and suddenly seeing it as a picture of a white candlestick. Or of looking at a lot of colored dots on a piece of paper which suddenly resolve themselves into the figure six and mean that your optician is going to charge you a lot of money for a new pair of glasses. --THGTG Now it is such a bizarrely impossible coincidence that anything so mind-bogglingly useful could have evolved purely by chance that some thinkers have chosen to see it as a final and clinching proof of the nonexistence of God. The arguement goes something like this: "I refuse to prove that I exist," says God, "for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing." "But," say Man, "the Babel fish is a dead giveaway, isn't it? It could not have evolved by chance. It proves you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don't. QED." "Oh dear," says God, "I hadn't though of that" and promply vanishes in a puff of logic. --THGTG Arthur: You know, it's at times like this, when I'm trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse, and about to die of asphyxiation in deep space, that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young. Ford: Why, what did she tell you? Arthur: I don't know, I didn't listen. "Please relax," said the voice pleasantly, like a stewardess in an airliner with only one wing and two engines, one of which is on fire, "you are perfectly safe." --HHGTG THE UNIVERSE: 4. Population It is known that there are an infinite number of worlds, simply because there is an infinite amount of space for them. However, not every one of them is inhabited. Therefore, there must be a finite number of inhabited worlds. Any finite number divided by infinity is as near to nothing as makes no odds, so the average population of all the planets in the Universe can be said to be zero. From this it follows that the population of the whole Universe is also zero, and that any people you may meet from time to time are merely the products of a deranged imagination. --The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy "Don't you want to interrogate the prisoners, sir?" he squaled. The Captain peered at him in bemusement. "Why on Golgafrincham should I want to do that?" he asked. "To get information out of them, sir! To find out why they came here!" "Oh no, no, no," said the Captain. "I expect they just dropped in for a quick jynnan tonnyx, don't you?" "But they're my prisoners! I must interrogate them!" The Captain looked at them doubtfully. "Oh all right," he said, "if you must. Ask them what they want to drink." A hard cold gleam came into Number Two's eyes. He advanced slowly on Ford Prefect and Arthur Dent. "All right, you scum," he growled, "you vermin..." He jabbed Ford with the Kill-O-Zap gun. "Steady on, Number Two," admonished the Captain gently. "What do you want to drink?!!" Number Two screamed. "Well the jynnan tonnyx sounds very nice to me," said Ford. "What about you, Arthur?" Arthur blinked. "What? Oh, er, yes," he said. "With ice or without?!" bellowed Number Two. Oh, with, please," said Ford. "Lemon??!!" "Yes, please," said Ford, "and do you have any of those little biscuits? You know, the cheesey ones?" "I'm asking the questions!!!!" howled Number Two, his body shaking with apoplectic fury. --THHGTG Number Two's eyes narrowed and became what are known in the Shouting and Killing People trade as cold slits, the idea presumable being to give your opponent the impression that you have lost your glasses or are having difficulty keeping awake. Why this is frightening is an, as yet, unresolved problem. --HHGTG Fruit and berries on strange planets either make you live or make you die. Therefore the point at which to start toying with them is when you're going to die if you don't. That way you stay ahead. The secret to healthy hitchhiking is to eat junk food. --Ford Prefect He picked up the letter Q and hurled it into a distant privet bush where it hit a young rabbit. The rabbit hurtled off in terror and didn't stop till it was set upon and eaten by a fox which choked on one of its bones and died on the bank of a stream which subsequently washed it away. During the following weeks Ford Prefect swallowed his pride and struck up a relationship with a girl who had been a personnel officer on Golgafrincham, and he was terribly upset when she suddenly passed away as a result of drinking water from a pool that had been polluted by the body of a dead fox. The only moral it is possible to draw from this story is that one should never throw the letter Q into a privet bush. --The Restaurant at the End of the Universe Edited October 7, 2004 by Ender Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
GI_Admiral 2 Posted October 7, 2004 Lines...not chapters ender j/k it is a good series though Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Roethlisberger 0 Posted October 7, 2004 Such a great series! More great quotes: "We interrogated a gazelle!" - Restaurant at the End of the Universe ------------------------- "The big problem with governing people is whom you get to do it-- rather who you get to let them do it to them. To summarize: It is a well known fact that those people who want to rule people are the least suited to do it. To summarize the summary: anyone who is capable of getting themselves made president should no account do the job. To summarize the summary of the summary: people are a problem." - Restaurant at the End of the Universe -------------------------- Ruler of the Universe: The Lord knows I'm not a cruel man. Zarniwoop: Ha! You say "The Lord!" You believe in somethign! Ruler of the Universe: My cat. I call him the Lord. I am kind to him. - The Restaurant at the End of the Universe -------------------------- Zaphod: Do you rule the Universe? Ruler of the Universe: I try not too. Are you wet? *Zaphod, Trillian and Zarniwoop have been standing outside in the rain for 5 minutes* Zaphod: Wet! Doesn't it look like we're wet?! Ruler of the Universe: That's how it looks to me. How you feel may be different. - The Restaurant at the End of the Universe ---------------------------- Ruler of the Universe: You can sing to my cat if you like. Zaphod: Does he like it? Ruler of the Universe: You better ask him. Zaphod: Does he talk? Ruler of the Universe: I have no memory of him talking - The Restaurant at the End of the Universe ------------------------------ Zarniwoop: ...Out there in the Universe Ruler of the Universe: Out where? Zarniwoop *pointing at the door*: Out there! Ruler of the Universe: How can you tell there's anything out there? The door's closed. - The Restaurant at the End of the Universe --------------------------------- They're just a bunch of real sweet guys who happen to want to kill everybody. Hell, I feel the same way some mornings! - Life, The Universe, and Everything --------------------------------- They believe in peace, justice, morality, culture, sport, family life and the obliteration of all other life forms - Life, The Universe, and Everything --------------------------------- Slartibartifast: There was a spill in Aisle 4. When we came to revive our cleaning staff, we discovered they'd been dead for thirty thousand years. Who's going to clean away the bodies? That's what nobody seems to have an answer for. - H2G2 --------------------------------- Zaphod: If there's anything more important than my ego around here, I want it caught and shot now. - H2G2 -------------------------------- The best drink in existence is the Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster, the effect of which is like having your brain smashed out with a slice of lemon... wrapped 'round a large gold brick. - H2G2 -------------------------------- In the beginning, the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move. - The Restaurant at the End of the Universe ------------------------------- Anatomical analysis of the Vogon reveals that a Vogon's Brain was originally deformed, misplaced and dyspeptic liver. - The Restaurant at the End of the Universe ------------------------------- Dish of the Day: May I urge you, sir, to consider eating my liver. It must be very rich and tender by now. I have been force feeding myself for months. - The Restaurant at the End of the Universe -------------------------------- Arthur Dent: What the hell's that? Ford Prefect: Well, if we're lucky, it's the Vogon Guard come to throw us into space. Arthur Dent: And if we're unlucky? Ford Prefect: The Vogon Captain might want to read us some of his poetry first. -H2G2 -------------------------------- Boom Boom: Either you all give yourselves up and let me beat you up a little - though not too much, because I am firmly opposed to needless violence - or I blow up this entire planet... and one or two others that I noticed on the way over. - H2G2 ------------------------------- Zaphod Beeblebrox: Hey, I thought you said you didn't want to shoot us. Bang Bang: It isn't easy being a cop. - H2G2 ------------------------------- Ford: I trust you about as far as I could comfortably spit out a rat. - Either H2G2 or The Restaurant ------------------------------- *Ford Prefect has, quite improbably, turned into a penguin* Ford Prefect: Hey. Quack. Who are you? Where are you? What's going on? Quack. Is there any way of stopping it? Trillian: Please relax. You are perfectly safe. Ford Prefect: That is not the point. Quack. The point is I am now a perfectly safe penguin. - H2G2 ------------------------------ Arthur Dent: You know, if this is Southend, there's something very odd about it. Ford Prefect: Oh, you mean the way the sea stays steady as a rock and the buildings keep washing up and down? I thought that was odd. - One of the books ------------------------------ Narrator: Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the western spiral arm of the galaxy lies a small, unregarded yellow sun. Orbiting this at a distance of roughly 92 million miles is an utterly insignificant little blue-green planet whose ape-descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a really neat idea. And lots of the Earth people are mean, and most of them were miserable, even the ones with digital watches. Many were increasingly of the opinion that they all made a big mistake in coming out of the trees in the first place. And some said that even the trees had been a bad move and that no one should ever have left the oceans. - H2G2 ------------------------------- "What's so wrong about being drunk?" "Ask a glass of water." - The Restaurant at the End of the Universe Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Andy 60 Posted October 7, 2004 Well, no point even reading the books now! :p Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ender 8 Posted October 7, 2004 Oh yes there is. You have GOT to read the books, they're so funny. And the movie is coming out two weeks before Ep3. :D Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ender 8 Posted October 10, 2004 "Aim towards the Enemy." - Instruction printed on U.S. Army Rocket "When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend." - U.S.M.C. Training Bulletin "Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground." - U.S.A.F. literature "If the enemy is in range, so are you." - Infantryman's Journal "A slipping trigger gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular with what's left of your unit." - Army's Magazine of Preventive Maintenance. "It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed." - U.S. Air Force Manual "Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo." - Infantryman's Journal "Tracers work both ways." - U.S. Army Ordnance Manual "Five-second fuses only last three seconds." - Infantryman's Journal "Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid." -- David Hackworth "If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush." -Infantryman's Journal "No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection." "Any ship can be a minesweeper... once.." - Anon. Naval brass "Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do." - Unknown Marine Recruit "Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you." "If you see a bomb technician running, --- try to keep up with him" -Unknown. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CorSec 5 Posted October 11, 2004 :rofl: Those are great Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
GI_Admiral 2 Posted October 11, 2004 hahaha the last is hilarious Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Drake 53 Posted October 11, 2004 It's great...yet over used in lots of movies and TV shows. They had it in a CSI episode I saw a couple days ago. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Princess 35 Posted October 11, 2004 "Kennedy couldn't have gotten the Ten Commandments through Congress" ~ President Lyndon Baines Johnson, in private comment to an aide, 1965 "I didn't just screw Ho Chi Minh. I cut his pecker off." LBJ Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Andy 60 Posted October 11, 2004 "Aim towards the Enemy." - Instruction printed on U.S. Army Rocket They must have missed that page ;) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Roethlisberger 0 Posted October 11, 2004 I only buy my kids one present for Channukah. I don't believe in giving them 8 presents, one for each night. Whoever made that up obviously...owned a toy store. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Andy 60 Posted October 11, 2004 He could smash it into 8 peices and give them one piece each day? :p Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bad furday 57 Posted October 13, 2004 "Get thee to a nunnery!" The ever widening gap between Shakespeare's meaning and what audiences now take to be his meaning is well illustrated in this famous injuction by Hamlet to Ophelia. Nunnery to Shakespeare's audience was recognized at once as Elizabethan slang for "whorehouse". When Hamlet, in this famous rejection scene (act 3, sc.1, lines 90 ff.), spurns Ophelia's advances, he is being a good deal more frankly brutal than most of those in today's audience realize. Tom Burnam's The Dictionary of Misinformation Bought it at the campus book sale today.... :D Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
GI_Admiral 2 Posted October 13, 2004 121. a nunnery] where she will preserve her chastity and be safe from love, marriage, and the breeding of sinners. Nunnery was sometimes used sarcastically for a house of unchaste women, and awareness of this may add a bitter undercurrent as the dialogue proceeds; but to insist o it at the expense of the literal meaning, itself so poignant in the context, is preserved. LN. LN. is a half page explanation...too lazy to type it...but yeah... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Radioactive Isotope 29 Posted October 13, 2004 copy-paste is your friend but it is amazing how far language has come since Shakespeare's time. it takes a really smart person to understand it now. :p Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Drake 53 Posted October 13, 2004 You just suggested that you and GI are smart. I find that an impossibility of the highest degree. ;) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
GI_Admiral 2 Posted October 13, 2004 (edited) cant copy and paste...I have a book, so I would have to do some trickery that im too lazy to do Also I bite my thumb and drake the stallyon ((Dunno if you'll get that JM)) Edited October 13, 2004 by Generally Inept Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Andy 60 Posted October 13, 2004 In that case I used to scan it and post a pic up :p Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
GI_Admiral 2 Posted October 13, 2004 (edited) Well FINE!!! Edit: it was roughly 3... Lets hear it for technology... Edited October 14, 2004 by Generally Inept Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
