Drake 53 Posted September 8, 2004 From some of the CSI episodes in that massive CSI marathon on Spike TV: Grissom: That's called an 'uppercut'. Dr. Robbins: You say 'tomato'...I say 'cause of death'. Grissom: High altitude enhances the entire sexual experience. It increases the euphoria. Sara: Well, it's good. I don't know if it's that good...Cite your source. Brass: You're under arrest for obstructing justice, tampering with state's evidence, and violating seven articles of being scumbag. Warrick: Well, you know Grissom, shortest distance between two points is science. For Catherine, it's pounding the pavement. Catherine: It's never a good sign when a guy has more women than furniture. Grissom: What's the ratio here? Catherine: Judging from these stains, I'd say four women for every piece of furniture including the TV. At least we know what this guy was about: bucks, pucks and... chicks. Catherine: How much does this place clear a week? Lady Heather (a dominatrix): Ten grand. Catherine: I'm not with the IRS. Lady Heather: Okay. Twenty. Catherine: I don't make that in three months. Lady Heather: Sex pays a lot better than death. Catherine: Plus the outfits are cooler. Grissom : Hey Doc, tell me something I don't know. Dr. Robbins : When I was in fourth grade, I dropped karate because some kid half my size made me cry. Sara: *coming into the room after seeing Grissom use sign language* What was that all about? Grissom signs? Warrick: What does Grissom drink when he goes out at night? Sara: He goes out? Warrick: Exactly. Who knows anything about that guy? *Beeper goes off; Catherine calls in* Guy: Hello? Catherine: Oh, hey. Guy: Who's this? I just dialed my own damn beeper. Catherine: It's my beeper now. I found it. Bye... Guy: It ain't yours. That's my beeper. I do a lot of business on that beeper. Catherine: What kinda business? Guy: Oh, you know. Slangin' a little somethin' somethin'. Catherine: Maybe a little bling-bling? Guy: What do you know about a little bling-bling? Catherine: Invite me over to your crib, baby. You might find out. Guy: Three Aces Motel. Room 202. Catherine: Three Aces Motel, room 202. See you soon. *she hangs up, and looks at Sara who was listening* Catherine: Did I just do that? Sara: So what's a "bling bling"? Catherine: Got me. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ender 8 Posted September 11, 2004 "A reporter asked Kerry, 'Are you for or against gay marriage?' As usual, his answer was, 'Yes.' " "I am often asked if I still think we should invade their countries, kill their leaders, and convert them to Christianity. The answer is: Now more than ever!" "Teddy Kennedy crawls out of Boston Harbor with a quart of Scotch in one pocket and a pair of pantyhose in the other, and Democrats hail him as their party's spiritual leader." "Tough love, except I don't love them. My 'tough love' approach is much like the Democrats' 'middle-class tax cuts' -- everything but the last word." "Want to make liberals angry? Defend the United States." ~Ann Coulter Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Roethlisberger 0 Posted September 11, 2004 Rob Corddry: This is pork-barrel politics at its worst. Sen. Joan Fitzgerald: How so? Rob Corddry: It's... so so. Sen. Joan Fitzgerald: You have no idea what pork-barrel politics are, do you? Rob Corddry: Do you? Sen. Joan Fitzgerald: Pork-barrel politics usually puts money into the system... Rob Corddry: Oh, is that what they taught you in lady senator school? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Steven Colbert : [from "The Colbert Report" sketches, on his name being pronounced "Coal Bear"] It's French, bith! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Steven Colbert : [from "The Colbert Report" sketches] Liberal? Conservative? All that matters is that you're wrong. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Jon Stewart : There you have it, folks. Finally, there is a place in the world where the US government can't do whatever it wants to do... and it's in Cuba! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Jon Stewart : [Dick Cheney blames the defeat of an energy bill on the abscence of Kerry and Edwards to vote on it] So let me get this straight: you control the White House, both Houses of Congress, and the Supreme Court, and your administration has closer ties to the energy industry than any administration in history, and THOSE two blockheads stopped you? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Jon Stewart : Yesterday the White House unveiled a plan to deal with terrorist attacks on Election Day. It's part of a program where the President, under certain circumstances, could declare himself Caesar. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Jon Stewart : So if any terrorists are planning to disrupt our election, the White House will head them off by disrupting it first. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Rob Corddry: Think about it, Jon: the terrorists are expecting us to hold our elections on Election Day. If we did that, we'd be playing right into their hands. All from the Daily Show Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
GI_Admiral 2 Posted September 12, 2004 "A reporter asked Kerry, 'Are you for or against gay marriage?' As usual, his answer was, 'Yes.' " "I am often asked if I still think we should invade their countries, kill their leaders, and convert them to Christianity. The answer is: Now more than ever!" "Teddy Kennedy crawls out of Boston Harbor with a quart of Scotch in one pocket and a pair of pantyhose in the other, and Democrats hail him as their party's spiritual leader." "Tough love, except I don't love them. My 'tough love' approach is much like the Democrats' 'middle-class tax cuts' -- everything but the last word." "Want to make liberals angry? Defend the United States." ~Ann Coulter Who is this lady? a radio show person? Gotta listen to her....she sounds hilarious Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tsl 7 Posted September 12, 2004 Girl: But if he's a federal agent, why'd you hit him? Rockford: I said he had a federal id, not that he was an agent. He wasn't. Girl: How'd you know? Rockford: Well, his photo was taken against a blue background, like on a driver's licsence. He just cut it out and pasted it onto a fake FBI id. Girl: But how can you be sure? Rockford: Because...that's what I did... *shows her a fake FBI ID* :p Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Radioactive Isotope 29 Posted September 12, 2004 *runs off to make fake FIB ID* Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
chozen 1 Posted September 12, 2004 *runs off to hit people* Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CorSec 5 Posted September 12, 2004 An ID that allows you to lie. Obviously. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ender 8 Posted September 12, 2004 Who is this lady? a radio show person? Gotta listen to her....she sounds hilarious Ann Coulter is a political colimnist and author. You can find her columns at www.townhall.com and www.anncoulter.org. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Radioactive Isotope 29 Posted September 12, 2004 a FIB badge is like an FBI badge, but not really. so, i really couldn't get busted for impersonating an FBI agent since it's not an FBI ID. or.......i can't type and switched the letters around. :p Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Roethlisberger 0 Posted September 24, 2004 Jazz is not dead...it just smells funny. Interviewer: "So Frank, you have long hair. Does that make you a woman?" Zappa: "You have a wooden leg. Does that make you a table?" There will never be a nuclear war; there's too much real estate involved. You can't be a Real Country unless you have a BEER and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a BEER. It is always advisable to be a loser if you cannot become a winner. There is no hell. There is only France. A composer is as useful to a person in a jogging suit as a dinsoaur turd in the middle of his runway. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ender 8 Posted September 28, 2004 (edited) This was the last day of school last year... Nik, John and Evan were talking to our principal after playing the show. Principal: You guys were great! What got you into music? Nik: It all started with a microphone, a 2-liter bottle of Pepsi, and a Doves CD... John: No it didnt! It was a keyboard and a bottle of Sprite! Evan: Principal, trust me... these guys have no idea what they're saying. It was Mountain Dew, a Martin guitar, and a feather. Yes, it's crazy. Yes, we're definitely crazy. And no, we are definitely not on caffeine highs. Where's my Pepsi? *Brian and I walk over, steering the three of them away from the principal.* Brian: I'm sorry about this, Mr. Holmes. They had a hard night. Me: Yes, deep emotional trauma. We're just going to take them home. Evan: *From far away* Home? I dont have a home! I live in a box floating on the Ohio River! Hahaha!! Edited September 28, 2004 by Ender Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Chickenman 9 Posted September 28, 2004 "A reporter asked Kerry, 'Are you for or against gay marriage?' As usual, his answer was, 'Yes.' " "I am often asked if I still think we should invade their countries, kill their leaders, and convert them to Christianity. The answer is: Now more than ever!" "Teddy Kennedy crawls out of Boston Harbor with a quart of Scotch in one pocket and a pair of pantyhose in the other, and Democrats hail him as their party's spiritual leader." "Tough love, except I don't love them. My 'tough love' approach is much like the Democrats' 'middle-class tax cuts' -- everything but the last word." "Want to make liberals angry? Defend the United States." ~Ann Coulter Who is this lady? a radio show person? Gotta listen to her....she sounds hilarious Ann Coulter is a total and complete ass. Plus she's crazy. Dangerous combination. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CorSec 5 Posted September 28, 2004 But she's funny. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Chickenman 9 Posted September 28, 2004 Nah. She's funny when Al Franken reveals her for the boob she really is. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CorSec 5 Posted September 28, 2004 Well it doesn't take much revealing. But she's funny. :p Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ender 8 Posted September 29, 2004 Ok... Al Franken is probably the biggest douchebag I have ever seen in my life. He went to a third-grade classroom in Iowa and told all the kids that Dick Cheney would try and scare them because he wanted them to vote for him. Come the ewok on! At least show a little class and not go telling lies to little kids! Last I checked Ann Coulter didnt scare people into voting for a candidate she supported. Al Franken is the ass here. And for all I care, he can go throw himself off a bridge. By the way, Chicken, she's not crazy. You want crazy? Go hang out with Ted Kennedy. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Drake 53 Posted September 29, 2004 Ted Kennedy was on the suspected terrorist list, lol. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Uncle Du 22 Posted September 29, 2004 THAT was funny. He couldn't fly for what, two months? LMAO! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bad furday 57 Posted September 29, 2004 Quote from SNL.. "Wait, Ted Kennedy's here?! Damn! And we left two cases of wine on his doorstep too!" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ender 8 Posted October 1, 2004 Bahahahaha...he's such an idiot. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Roethlisberger 0 Posted October 4, 2004 *on Star Wars grossing $115 million in it's first day* It's not just a movie, it's an empire. Which, I guess, makes George Lucas the emperor. So next time you complain about him tinkering with his movies, remember: The man can shoot lightning from his fingertips Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
