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Mara

Shattered

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Mara

Something I wrote for my class a year or so ago, but I've edited it since. This should be the second version. I'm not quite sure about it yet, though. Might be a few things I want to tweak.

Enjoy!

For the non-auto racing peeps:

From m-w.com...

Midget: 3.: a front-engine, single-seat, open-wheel racing car smaller and of less engine displacement than standard cars of the type

I've removed this story...

1). It hasn't been read and/or commented on in a while.

2). I'll be working on it and editing it, so that I can eventually publish it.

Main reason --> 3). To publish it, I can't have other "published" copies, so I'm keeping the copies of this limited right now.

If you would still like to read it sometime, please PM me for a copy. : )

I would be happy to either:

-- Send a link to my Fiction Press page - http://www.fictionpress.com/s/2479011/1/Shattered

-- E-mail it as a Word doc. attachment.

Depends on which is easier for you to read.

Comments can stay in this thread, though.. so others who may read in the future can comment. : )

Edited by Mara

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Mara

Okay, I did have some notes about this story.. and I'd like some opinions (along with general critiques, lol). These are things that came up when others read it.

1).

?Hello?? he answered in his crisp, New England accent. ?Oh, hey, Kev. Well?? Elliot glanced around. ?Yeah, sure, come on over.? He paused, listening to his friend, who was also his PR manager. ?What?s up? Just tell me, man. Did we lose a sponsor? Okay. Fine. It can wait. I?ll be here. See you in a few.? Elliot hung up the phone.

Do you want to hear Kevin's side of the conversation?

2).

?Good.? They kissed lightly, then Shelley pulled her bags out of the back of the vehicle. ?I got a surprise for you.? She grinned.

Do you want do know what the surprise is? Tell what the surprise is? Save for the end? Have Shelly throw it in Elliot?s face as she leaves?

3).

?Don?t patronize me, Elliot Stevens.? Shelley headed to the house.

Or perhaps Shelly tells him no and Elliot agrees, but later goes behind her back (gives reason for her leaving at the end)?

4). Ending: too intense?/motivation for Shelley?

More clues to trouble? Perhaps have Shelley leave with Kevin?/affair? (Shelley does call Kevin to say she's coming while Kevin visits Elliot..)

Thanks!

Edited by Mara

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