Stephen 0 Posted May 18, 2007 REBELS: You?ll never take us alive! [Gunfire] See! We told you! LEIA: RUN, ARTOO! RUN! VADER: Where are the plans! BAH! Take her away! C-3PO: [Whine, complain, moan?] R2-D2: You suck. I?m leaving you. STORMTROOPER: Look, Sir! Metal in a desert. Has to be ?droids. OFFICER: Yeah, blah-blah-blah. It?s hot. Let?s go. C-3PO: Ah! A Rescue! JAWA: UTINI! C-3PO: Crap. R2-D2: Geez! Not YOU again!! LUKE: Geez, I?m bored. OWEN: Do my work, boy! BERU: Give him a break. We?re old. JAWAS: GARAGE SALE! OWEN: Sweet! Bargain hunting time! LUKE: [rolls eyes] OWEN: I?ll take the annoying gold one, and the one that will explode in a second. Okay?nevermind. Give me the one I should?ve taken in the first place. C-3PO: Thank you, S? OWEN: Shut up. LUKE: I?m so BORED! Can I leave now? I?m 20-something for Sith?s sake! OWEN: No, we?re old. Take care of us. LUKE: IT JUST ISN?T FAIR! OWEN: IT?S NOT LIKE WE WANTED YOU! BLAME YOUR DAD! BERU: Owen! Shh! LUKE: Lemme clean you ?droids up before my Uncle has a heart attack. LEIA: ?I?m pretty. Help me!? LUKE: Wow? she?s pretty. We better help. C-3PO: Artoo says to give him the ability to leave. LUKE: Yeah, sure. R2-D2: Bleep-bloop-bweep- blop! [?FREEEEEEEEEEEDOM!?] LUKE: Crap. LUKE: There he is! R2-D2: Bleeeeeeep-blurt! [?Geez! Can?t I get away from that gold fruitcake?!?] C-3PO: Goodness gracious, me! LUKE: Where were you going? Just wait, my uncles going to have a stroke when? R2-D2: Bwooooot-blop-bzzzt! [?Run, whitey!?] C-3PO: Heeeeeeeeere?s TUSKEN! LUKE: It?s definitely Sand People. Look! I can see one now! TUSKEN: Urrrrrrk-haaaark-buuuurp! [?Stop checkin? out my wife, foo?!?] LUKE: Crap. BEN: Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurp! *scuse me* TUSKENS: Hrrrrrk-baaaaaaark-urrrrrk! [?Geez! It Stinks! Run!?] BEN: Wake up, dork. You fainted. LUKE: Wha--? What?s that smell? BEN: Nevermind that. Let?s go hang at my house. LUKE: Crap. BEN: Your father was a killer?er?a Jedi. LUKE: He was a freighter pilot. BEN: Pssh! Shyeah right! Here?s his lightsaber. LUKE: Sweet, this?ll impress Cammie! BEN: [rolls eyes] JAWAS: *Ouch* LUKE: They?re all dead. BEN: No! Really?! Brilliant, idiot. Only Imperial Stormtroopers are so precise? well? at least for this scene. LUKE: Thankfully? wait? HOME! BEN: It?s too late, Luke? They?ll?ah? who cares anymore. OWEN/BERU: *Ouch* LUKE: [sob, weep, cry?] BEN: You couldn?t have done anything. LUKE: I could?ve? well? erm? Let?s go to Alderaan. BEN: Looks, it?s a bad place. LUKE: That fool didn?t give me enough for my pimped out ride! Blast! BEN: It?s enough. Let?s go to the cantina. BEN: Hi, hairy-monster-guy! LUKE: Can I have some water? BARTENDER: [rolls eyes] DR. EVAZAN: I?m ugly! LUKE: Yeah, I know! EVAZAN/PONDA BABA: GRRRR! BEN: [slice, dice, bzzzt!] EVAZAN/PONDA BABA: *ouch* BEN: Can?t leave you for a second can I, Luke? HAN: Wanna leave, huh? Yeah, it?s pricey. LUKE: Forget it, I?ll fly us away in? in? HAN: Is he always like this, Ben? BEN: Yes! We?ll see you t here. GREEDO: Got you! HAN: Oh, really? GREEDO: Jabba wants you! HAN: Tough. [bLAM!] GREEDO: *Ouch* JABBA: [Huttese] ?Han! Hey, Han! Look! I?m on Weight Watchers!? HAN: Leave me alone! I don?t care how much weight you can loose on it. JABBA: [Huttese] ?No, no, no? I?m not here for that. Where?s my money, punk?? HAN: I don?t have it, but I?ll get it to you. JABBA: [Huttese] ?Aight? later then.? LUKE: Your ship sucks. HAN: Shut up and get on, idiot! STORMTROOPERS: HALT! YOU?RE PARKED IN A RED ZONE! HAN: Crap! CHEWIE GET US OUTTA HERE! BEN: We need to go to Alderaan. HAN: Oh, yeah. The hippie planet full of Peaceniks? LUKE: That?s the one. We?re saving a hot chick. HAN: Sweet! [HYPERSPACE] LUKE: Are we there yet? HAN: No. LUKE: Are we there yet? HAN: No. LUKE: Are we there yet? HAN: No. BEN: SHUT UP!!! CHEWIE: Hrrrrrrrrrn-groooooowl! [?This little tin-can beat me at holo-chess!?] R2-D2: Bweeeeeet-bzzzzzzzt-bloooop! [?Crybaby!?] CHEWIE: Groooowl-hrrrrrooooaaaar! [?Let?s play Shoots and Ladder now! THAT?S MUH GAME!?] HAN: We there now, Luke! LUKE: YIPPEEEE! [bLAM!] BEN: You sure this is Alderaan? HAN: It?s the right coordinates. BEN: Crap. TIE PILOT: Crap! A ship! HAN: Crap! A TIE! Let?s get him! BEN: Just let him go. LUKE: Let?s go to that really smooth gray moon with the superlaser on its surface! HAN: Okay! CHEWIE: HrrrrrRRRRrrrrrrrnnnnnNNNnnn! [?We?re caught in a tractor beam!?] HAN: Crap. HAN: Quick let?s hide in my smuggling compartments! LUKE: Oooo! Playboys! BEN: Not now, Luke. LUKE: It just isn?t fair! HAN: Shh! IMPERIAL COMMANDER: Scan the ship and report back. It?s teatime. STORMTROOPER: Hope they save me some herbal grey. HAN: Hey! Come up here so I can kill you. STORMTROOPER: Okay! HAN: [bLAM!] STORMTROOPER: *Ouch* COMMANDER: TK-421, where are you? LUKE: What? My communicator is broken?erm?[taps helmet and tilts head] COMMANDER: Uhhhhh?.riiiiiight. I?ll come down. AGH! A hairy thing! CHEWIE: [bLAM!] COMMANDER: *Ouch* LUKE: Be quiet, guys! Sheesh! BEN: Let me go shut down the tractor beam. HAN: Yeah, whatever. LUKE: I?m going to find the hottie! HAN/CHEWIE: SWEET! WAIT FOR US! IMPERIAL: Hold the elevator please! HAN: The Wookie just farted; I wouldn?t if I were you. IMPERIAL: Oh, buy all means! LUKE: Here we are. IMPERIAL COMMANDER: Who are you? HAN: Rebels. [bLAM! BLAST! BOOM!] IMPERIALS: *Ouch* COMM: What?s going on up there. HAN: Nothing! It?s not Rebels taking over. COMM: We?re sending people to get you. HAN: Oh, yeah? well? well? [shoots comm] They?re coming, Luke! LUKE: [Opens door? drools] LEIA: [rolls eyes] HAN: Why, hello, pretty lady. IMPERIALS: [blasterfire] LEIA: Into the garbage masher! It?ll be safe! GROUP: Weeeeeeeeee! [splat!] DEATH STAR: [sQUISH!] HAN: Crap. C-3PO: Where is everyone? R2-D2: Bleeeeep-bwooop, bzzzzt! [?Turn on the comm., moron!] C-3PO: Oh, yeah? forgot about that. [into comm.] Sir? LUKE: Turn off everything! C-3PO: What? LUKE: Turn off everything! C-3PO: What? LUKE: TURN OFF EVERYTHING! R2-D2: [doesn?t wait for C-3PO and does it.] OBI-WAN: [Turns down tractor beam power creating a loud noise] STORMTROOPER #1: Wonder if we should check out that electronic noise? STORMTROOPER #2: Nah, let?s talk about speeders. STORMTROOPER #1: Yeah, okay. OBI-WAN: Whew! VADER: Obi-Wan! ?Sup, man! Long time no see! OBI-WAN: Kill me. VADER: What? OBI-WAN: Kill me? I need to be a ghost to help someone. VADER: Uhm? yeah? sure? ??? [sLICE!] OBI-WAN: [p0of!] LUKE: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! LEIA: COME ON, IDIOT! WE?RE LEAVING! FALCON: [Hyperspace to Yavin IV] LEIA: We?ve made it to Yavin IV! HAN: [sarcastically] Yippe? LEIA: The Empire will have tracked us. You better leave. Here?s your money. HAN: Sweet! Later, hot-stuff! LUKE: Leia! Can I fly a starfighter?! I?ve always wanted to. LEIA: [shrugs] Sure, why not. LUKE: YIPPEE! TARKIN: D?OH! Why didn?t I think to come out of hyperspace on the other side of Yavin IV with the superlaser pointed in that direction?! Now they have time to plan something. OFFICERS: [snicker, giggle?] TARKIN: Oh, shut up! It?s a simple mistake. It?s not like it?ll cost us our lives or anything! DODONNA: We have no starships, so we?re sending snubfighters to annoy them. PILOTS: YAY! Suicide duty! MADINE: Yeah?no?actually there?s a plan. Do something impossibly by making a torpedo change vectors at JUST the last second to go into a chute, not hit anything on it?s way down, then hit the core. WEDGE: That?s impossible, even for a computer. LUKE: Not in George Lucas? mind it isn?t! Y-WING COMMANDER: Geez, these things are friggin slow! Y-WING PILOT: Sir! Fighters off the starboard at?[bLAM!]?*Ouch* TIE PILOTS: [bLAM! BZZZT! KER-POW!] Y-WING PILOTS: *Ouch* *Ooof!* *Explode* X-WING COMMANDER: Okay! Our turn, boys! X-WING PILOTS: ?crap? BIGGS: What? I can?t see around the back of my ship. I think they?re some fighters back?[bLAM!]?*Ouch* LUKE: BIGGS!!!! WEDGE: Oop! Looks like I get to leave you all alone now. Sucks for you! LUKE: ?crap? OBI-WAN: Use the Force, Luke. LUKE: Wha? What was that? OBI-WAN: Use the Force, Luke. LUKE: Obi-Wan? OBI-WAN: Geez! Yeah, would you use the friggin Force already?! LUKE: Give me a sec! [Does the impossible] DEATH STAR: [Ka-BOOM!] VADER: Spinning?s a good trick! I?ll get you, ? whoever you are! LEIA: Here?s some crappy bling-bling to wear. CHEWIE: Hrrrrrrrrn-rooooaaaar-grrrrrrrr! [?Wait! What about me?! You a racist or something?!?] LEIA/HAN/LUKE: Hahahahahahahahah! [FADE TO CREDITS] Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
