Ongoing Comedy: This One Time, at Jedi Camp

[Princess 35]

Ok peoples, here's the start of the new story....

Plot summary

The Jedi Order has changed. Imagine if the Jedi had gotten vacations, long weekends, spring break and summer vacation. How would the Jedi Order have changed? How would this have affected the galaxy? Find out as the Masters of the Jedi Order reflect on the good old days while their students are on vacation.

Rules

1. Have fun

2. Cameos are allowed, but try to keep the "real world" characters limited. Parodies of things that we know are preferable.

3. The New Jedi Order, Dark Nest and Legacy have not happened.

Characters

1. Yoda

2. Obi Wan

3. Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader

4. Qui-Gon Jinn

5. Luke Skywalker

6. Mara Jade Skywalker

7. Jacen Solo

8. Jaina Solo

9. Anakin Solo

10. Mace Windu

11. Ki Adi Mundi

12. Kit Fisto

13. Kyle Kartarn

14. Aayla Secura

15. Kyp Durron

16. Any other Jedi

First post coming soon!

[Princess 35]

Anakin Solo watched the crono on the wall tick slowly. The last 5 minutes of class always went so slowly, especially when a long weekend was about to start because of Master-Parent Conferences. He was slightly worried what his Master would tell his parents though. Anakin had a slight tendency to get bored in class and let his mind wander. Finally the bell rang. Anakin leaped up from his seat with a jubilant yell. ?YIPPEE!!!!!?

His classmates all turned and looked at him and the Master leading the class frowned. ?Young Skywalker, I?d like to see you before you go.?

Anakin sighed. This wasn?t going to go over well with his parents. ?Yes, Master Kartarn.? He slowly walked up to the front of the class.

?Anakin, is studying the different combat techniques used during the Clone Wars really so boring? You do have a large family history from the Clone Wars and you should be interested in learning about it.?

?I?m sorry Master Kartarn, but it?s the end of the day and I?m so excited for the long weekend that it just slipped out. I?m supposed to be going to Hoth with some of the other students for a ski trip. I?m just really excited about it.?

Jedi Master Kyle Kartarn hid a smile, he remembered being like this during his training at the academy, and the Hoth trip was a tradition among the older students. ?Anakin, this kind of behavior is just unacceptable. I will be meeting with your parents during Master-Parent Conferences and we will be discussing your outbursts. Also, to help you remember not to do this again, I want you to write a 100-word essay on decorum that is due to me when class meets again after the weekend.?

Anakin groaned. ?Oh come on Kyle, you know that you were like this too when you were training. I remember Uncle Luke coming over and complaining about how uncontrollable you were.?

Kyle smirked. ?And I had many punishments worse than this. Now go. You?ll probably want to do this before you leave for Hoth so as not to spoil your weekend.?

Anakin looked crestfallen and returned to his seat to gather up his books, he had to get packed because the trip to Hoth was leaving in an hour.

Kyle watched Anakin go and remembered when he went skiing on Hoth. Besides having to dodge Wampas that were trying to eat everyone in sight, there was plenty of drunkenness and Force enhanced ski tricks. He smiled and headed towards the Master?s lounge to have a drink with the other Masters before conferences started.

[Chickenman 9]

Kyle ducked his way into the lounge. He noted that only Corran Horn had allready entered the room, sitting at the bar. Kyle slid in the seat next to Corran.

"Hey," Corran greeted, taking a swig from his drink. Kyle nodded his salutations and signalled to the bartender droid.

"How may I be of service, sir?" asked B3-3R.

"I'm in the mood for a Blended Ewok, B3."

"Very well, sir."

Corran turned to him. "Good choice."

"How are you doing Corran?"

"Good, unless you count the fact that Master-Teacher Night is tonight."

B3-3R opened up a cage beneath the bar and pulled out two Ewoks. The small, teddy bear-like aliens struggled in his metallic grasp, seeking safety. B3-3R easily kept a hold of the chittering bears, and dropped both into a large blender. He turned the blender on. Gradually, the blender begin to fill with a dark crimson liquid.

Kyle smiled. "Not a fan of Master-Teacher Night?"

Corran rolled his eyes. "No, I'm a huge fan of dozens of angry parents asking why their little twerps are failing my class."

"Arn't you teaching gym this semester though?"

Corran shrugged. "If they're not gonna meet my standards, I'm not passing them."

Just then, Kyp Durron stumbled out of the lounge bathroom, clearly drunk.

"What's gotten into him?" Kyle asked, concerned.

"Same thing that's getting into me. Massive amounts of alcohol."

"Why?"

"He's teaching Advanced Physics. He's got twice the angry parents I've got."

"Good God, how many drunk Jedi Masters are we going to have tonight?" Kyle wondered aloud, dark memories of last year's Mardi Gras festival dancing in his head. As he contemplated this, Kyp staggered his way to the back of the lounge, where a small stage was erected. He turned on a large screen and grabbed a device that somewhat resembled a lightsaber. Only this was much more dangerous than any lightsaber.

"Oh my God, he's got the Karaoke Microphone!" Kyle yelped.

Corran spit out the Corellian Ale he had been sipping. "Christ no!"

Kyp began to sing.

"I?m bringing sexy back

Them other boys don?t know how to act

I think your special whats behind your back

So turn around and I'll pick up the slack..."

Kyle spun out of his seat, igniting his lightsaber. Corran tried to immitate this manuever, but instead tumbled to the floor, his head spinning. He struggled to get up, but failed. He spoke up from his position on the floor.

"Hey Kyle, what do you say you handle this one, huh?"

Edited November 21, 2006 by Chickenman

[Princess 35]

Luke Skywalker came into the lounge just then. "Kyle, put your lightsaber down. As much as most of the galaxy would probably throw you some giant parades and parties, I can't have you killing him."

Kyle deactivated his lightsaber and pouted. "Awwww come on Luke. I'd be doing the galaxy a favor and you know it. I mean listen to that guy sing, he sounds like a bantha in heat."

"I won't have my masters killing each other Kyle. Especially on Master-Parent Conference night. Besides I know how to stop him."

"How?"

"He's lost that loving feeling."

"He's lo... No he hasn't."

"Yes he has."

"He's not lost that lo..."

"Kyle, he's lost it man."

"Come on! Aw sh... I hate it when he does that. "

Luke, Kyle and Corran all headed up to the stage and Luke got down on one knee and started singing.

"You never close your eyes anymore when I kiss your lips.

And there's no tenderness like before in your fingertips.

You're trying hard not to show it, (baby).

But baby, baby I know it..."

Kyp looked at Luke like he'd lost his mind. Corran and Kyle joined in.

"You've lost that lovin' feeling,

Whoa, that lovin' feeling,

You've lost that lovin' feeling,

Now it's gone...gone...gone...wooooooh.

Now there's no welcome look in your eyes

when I reach for you.

And now your're starting to critisize little things I do.

It makes me just feel like crying, (baby).

'Cause baby, something in you is dying.

You lost that lovin' feeling,

Whoa, that lovin' feeling,

You've lost that lovin' feeling,

Now it's gone...gone...gone...woooooah"

Kyp looked at the three like they'd lost their minds. Then an idea popped into his drunken mind and he went down off the stage and kissed Luke. That was when Mara walked in. "Lucas James Skywalker! You stop kissing Kyp this instant! Your sister and Han are on their way to see you and here you are kissing Kyp Durron! What do you have to say for yourself?"

"Uh hi honey. It's not what it looks like. He was singing and it sounded like a bantha in heat. We had to do it. It was that or Kyle was going to kill him."

Mara eyed Luke warily. "Are you sure there isn't anything else that you wanted to tell me?"

"Nope. Not that I can think of."

[Ender 8]

Mara knew Luke was hiding something. It would have been hard to tell, too, if not for that whole shifty-eyes-with-nervous-smile look on his face. At last, Mara noticed that one of Luke's hands was behind his back.

"Now Luke, what have you got behind your back?" she asked.

"Ermmm.... nothing!" Luke said, now looking around for any possible escape route.

"Are you going to force me to play rough, mister?" Mara asked, her temperature rising.

"No, please no! They were cheap! They smelled like chocolate! They make me feel... giddy!"

Mara slapped her hand to her forehead.

"Blast it, Luke, I told you to stop hanging around that Obi-Wan Kenobi character! He's a bad influence with those death sticks and late-night binges of his! He's no proper Jedi master!"

"But... but..."

"No buts, mister. Get to bed. Now."

Luke, now completely broken down in sobs, ran crying out of the room, leaving Corran, Kyle, and Kyp all looking at one another, completely stunned and damaged by their recent experiences.

"Well, don't just stand there! Go prepare your reports! Make the Jedi proud!" Mara snapped.

The three quickly scampered out.

After waiting a moment, and quickly scanning the room to make sure no one around, Mara pulled out a hookah from a secret wall compartment and lit it.

"Now... where were we?"

Edited November 22, 2006 by Andrew

[Chickenman 9]

Anakin angrily dropped his pack to the floor of his room.

"Just who does he think he is? Assigning me an essay right before the ski trip?" He reached into his pack and seized out his notebook, tossing it on his desk. "How am I possibly going to write a hundred words in less than an hour?" he wondered aloud. Then, grinning schemingly, he began to write.

Classroom decorum is really, really, really, really...

Anakin was about halfway done with his essay when his stomach growled. He glanced up at his chronometer and noticed he still had a half an hour before the trip. Shrugging, he headed to his mini fridge. Opening it, he pulled out a box of cereal. Why he was keeping a box of cereal in a fridge is unknown. He read the box aloud to himself.

"Bantha Berries. Made with real banthas...we mean berries. Yeah. That's it." He shrugged and tore open the box. As he did so, pink smoke poured out from it, clouding the room. Anakin coughed. Just as suddenly as the smoke had appeared, it dissapeared. There, standing in the middle of the room, dressed in slutty harem clothing, was a morbidly obese woman. Anakin grabbed his lightsaber and ignited it defensivly.

"Who the hell are you? What the hell are you doing in my room?" he swung his saber threateningly.

"Whoa! Easy there! I'm Glynda, the Genie of the Cereal Box!" she pleaded.

"What the hell were you doing in a cereal box?" Anakin wondered.

"I just said, I'm the Genie of the Cereal Box!"

"No, I know, but why a cereal box? Don't you guys live in lamps?" he asked.

"Most of us do, but there was more money in living in a cereal box," Glynda explained.

"I don't follow."

"Come on! You've never heard the Bantha Berries commericial?" she inquired. Anakin shook his head. Glynda began to sing,

"Bantha Berries,

The Berries with a Bantha Crunch,

Bantha Berries,

We know you'll love our cereal a bunch,

Bantha Berries,

The cereal with a genie inside the box!"

Anakin was silent.

"I'm the mascot!" she explained.

Anakin shook his head, confused. "Shouldn't the mascot of a bantha-themed cereal be, I don't know, a cartoon bantha or something?"

Glynda nodded. "Barry the Bantha. His contract was dropped after he was rushed to the hospital when he overdosed on drugs."

"What kind of drugs?"

"Natural male enhancement actually, which I find odd, because he was allready hung like a bantha."

Anakin grimaced. "So what, now I get three wishes?"

Glynda shook her head. "Due to recent cutbacks, I can only give two wishes."

"Oh well," replied Anakin, as he began to make his first wish.

"I should also warn you that any wish you make will have horrible, ironic consequences." she warned.

"What was that last thing you said? I wasn't paying attention." Anakin asked.

Glynda frowned, searching her memory. "I forgot."

Anakin shrugged. "I wish for my essay to be done."

"Your wish is my command" Glynda replied. There was a flash, and when Anakin looked at his paper, it was all finished. Even the "I"s were darted with hearts. Anakin knew that Kyle gave bonus points for that.

"Wow, it really...Christ!" he yelped in pain.

"What is it?" Glynda inquired.

"Papercut! Damn it!"

"Oh, that's right," Glynda remembered, "any wish you make will have horrible, ironic consequences."

"Great." Anakin replied sarcastically. He then shrugged. "Okay, for my second wish..." he paused, thinking. "For my second wish, I wish for more wishes!"

Glynda frowned for a moment, then nodded. There was a flash.

"What just happened?" Anakin asked when the flash had subsided.

"You now have an unlimited amount of wishes."

"Okay. Now what's the horrible consequence?"

Glynda grinned happily. "You're stuck with me!"

Anakin groaned. Then he turned to his chronometer. "Oh sithspawn!" The trip had taken off fifteen minutes ago! "How am I going to get to Hoth now???"

Edited November 23, 2006 by Chickenman

[Princess 35]

Glynda crossed her arms and blinked her head. In a flash of pink smoke, Anakin was on Hoth. And he was freezing. Yavin 4 was a temperate moon an Anakin ha just been wearing a lightweight tunic and shorts. Anakin had heard stories before about his Uncle Luke being stranded out on Hoth and his dad having to stuff him in a dead tauntaun, he definitely did NOT want that. "GLYNDA!!!! Get out here right now!"

Glynda appeared in a puff of pink smoke. "Yes Master?"

"Uh can I have some proper clothing and ski equipment? I really don't feel like freezing to death ."

"Well, Master, you know how I said that there are serious consequences? Here's your consequence for this wish. You get no clothing. With your lightsaber you must make everything that you need to survive."

"You're sithing me, right?"

"Not at all. Every wish has a consequence Master."

Anakin groaned as Glynda disappered in a puff of pink smoke. What am I going to do now? He sighed and started wandering, knowing that he wasn't going to last log in this cold. He crested a snow dune and couldn't believe his luck. There was a sleeping wampa. And did that Wampa only have one arm? He crept closer. Wait a second? Did this wampa have a collar? Leaned in to read it and the wampa reached up and grabbed Anakin around the neck and pulled him close enough. When Anakin got enough courage to open up his eyes he saw that the collar read "Fluffy."

[Chickenman 9]

Anakin gained the courage to beg.

"Niiiice wampa, goood wampa. You're not planning on eating me, are you? Nice, strong, handsome wampa person?"

The wampa nodded. Anakin whimpered.

"Um...you wouldn't want to eat me." Anakin said, desperatly seeking a way out of this situation. "I'm full of cholestoral, you know."

The wampa began to drool.

"GLYNDA!!!" Anakin screamed

Glynda appeared in a puff of smoke. "What now?" she asked, annoyed.

"I wish I wasn't being attacked by a wampa!" Anakin shrieked, just as the wampas fangs closed in.

"Are you sure?" asked Glynda cautiously.

"YES!"

Glynda shrugged. In a flash, the wampa dissapeared.

And was replaced by a bloodthirsty rancor.

"Glynda?"

"Yes?"

"I freaking hate you."

[Radioactive Isotope 25]

Glynda pursed her lips into a cute pouty face. "I warned you."

Anakin opened his mouth to reply, but the rancor chose that moment to let out a blood-curdling roar and Anakin decided that running for his life was a better idea. However, running through snowdrifts that were taller than him was difficult. He sensed the rancor gaining on him.

"I wish I was with my parents," he muttered.

"Another wish? Your wish is my command, young Master!" Another flash and more pink smoke, and he was standing outside the door of his parents' quarters.

"Moooommmm, Daaaaaadddd, how could you just leave me behind like that? You know I've been looking forward to this trip all--" he opened the door and stared in horror at the scene. He hadn't known his Mom had that high-pitched giggle, or that his Dad could growl like a rabid Wompa.

Fortunately, they hadn't noticed him yet, so he just turned around and ran to a nearby refresher. After emptying his stomach of his breakfast, he curled up in the corner, whimpering pathetically. Suddenly, he didn't want to go skiing anymore. He wanted to gouge his eyes out and remove the memory of what he had just seen.

"I wish..."

Glynda appeared in a puff of pink smoke. "You wish what?"

"GAH!"

[Chickenman 9]

Psst, JM. They didn't leave him behind, he was going to Hoth with the other students, not with Han and Leia.

"Nevermind." Anakin replied, angry. He shooed Glynda away, and she dissapeared. He glanced around, and noted he was on the Millenium Falcon. His parents must have been heading towards Yavin IV for the conference. Anakin had a horrifying thought. Did his parents always have quickies before attending every school function?

He immediatly regretted this thought, and threw up, this time not having time to reach the toilet.

Dazed, he struggled to his feet and began to wander around the Falcon, staying as far away from his parents' quarters as possible. Soon, he found himself in the cockpit. What a day it had been. Not only had he missed the ski trip, been attacked by viscious alien creatures and seen his parents having sex, but now his parents were on their way to have a talk with Master Katarn about his misbehavior.

Anakin suddenly got an idea. He accessed the nav computer. The forest moon of Endor looked a lot like the forest moon of Yavin IV, didn't it? Perhaps he could plot a course to the other side of the galaxy. By the time his parents had realized the apparent mistake, it would be too late to make the conference. He punched in the coordinates for Endor. Satisfied, Anakin got up from the pilot's seat and headed to the cargo hold to hide.

The door to the cargo bay opened. Anakin's jaw dropped in disgust. Inside, lying on a pile of pillows, was a grinning Chewbacca. Across the room, a lingerie-clad C-3PO seductivly made his way towards the excited wookie.

"Oh Chewbacca," whispered 3PO sensually, "this room is much too warm for these clothes. Perhaps you could help me take these off?" Chewbacca nodded enthusiastcally. It seemed that while Anakin's parents had gone off to have their fun, 3PO and Chewie had decided to do the same.

Anakin puked and fainted at the same time. His last conscious thought was, I really hope I asphyxiate

Edited January 14, 2007 by Chickenman

[Ender 8]

Meanwhile, on Yavin 4, all the Jedi Masters were getting ready for their conferences.

After Kyp had finally been chased down by Kyle and dunked in a barrel of water a few times, he had finally gotten back to his classroom to prepare an overview of his course, "Big Blasts And Booms Of Galactic History." Now, some of the less mature members of his classes had s######ed at this course title, but were soon fixed after being thwacked with a training lightsaber. Wooden pointers were SO old school. And Kyp had a degree in thwacking. But that's a story for when the Psychopathic Jedi awards come around next year.

After working for several hours, putting up diagrams and preparing the answers to the 5,123,417.9 questions he would have to answer, Kyp suddenly collapsed. He was breathing extremely hard, and there was a pain in his left mandipular joint. These quarter-seizures had happened before. The first time was when Desann had made a pass at him in a Tanubian cantina. That one lasted a while. But now, Kyp knew of a cure. Gasping and wheezing, he crawled over to his desk drawer and feebly drew out a picture frame.

"Oh, how I've missed you so..."

The picture, as the now-horrified readers of this story might have guessed, was a picture of Ki-Adi-Mundi posed seductively in a metal bikini. Kyp licked it.

He felt better.

However, this had sudden, ironic consequences. In a galaxy right next door to this one, the entire population of that galaxy exploded and became butterflies, causing a cosmic rift that turned a certain young thrillin' black man in another galaxy that's a certain cliche away into an incredibly pale white woman. The population of that particular galaxy cringed, as one.

Edited November 25, 2006 by Andrew

[Chickenman 9]

Meanwhile, half the galaxy away, a shuttle dropped out of hyperspace in the Hoth System. Almost immediately, the young Jedi onboard began chattering excitedly. They had been waiting all year, but finally the ski trip was here.

Jacen Solo awoke with a start as his sister, Jaina, playfully punched him in the arm.

Playful, except that she was holding a punch knife in her fist. Jacen screamed, blood pouring out of the gouge she had just made.

"What the fu-?" he started, but was cut off when she maniacally giggled. Oh god, he realized. She's sugar high again.

"God damn it, Jaina. Why the hell did you do that?" he cried, grabbing a medpack. She shrugged, and continued to giggle.

"I dunno. Seemed like fun."

Jacen applied bacta to the wound while Jaina grabbed their gear. Jacen grabbed his pack and headed to the back of the shuttle to change. While Jaina waited for her brother, she caught sight of Tahiri Veila. She frowned.

"Tahiri, aren't you a little underdressed?"

"What?" Tahiri asked, confused. She fingered her winter coat.

"You're not wearing shoes." Jaina replied. Tahiri never wore shoes.

"Didn't you just hear the narrator?" said Tahiri. "I never wear shoes."

"We're on Hoth though! If you're not dressed properly, you're going to get hypothermia!"

Tahiri shrugged. "What about Jacen?" she asked, pointing.

Frowning, Jaina turned around. Jacen had finished changing. He was now wearing only a thong and a knit hat. Jaina screamed. After regaining her composure, she incredulously asked, "What the hell are you doing?"

Jacen shrugged. "I like the feel of the wind against my skin."

"It's 61 Celsius below!" Jaina protested.

Jacen scoffed. "Dear Jaina, it's a well documented fact that 98% of body heat leaves through the ears." He indicated the hat. "That's why I'm wearing this."

Jaina's jaw dropped to the floor. Not literally. I doubt that's physically possible. I meant that figuratively. Figuratively, her jaw dropped to the floor. There, I've confused you, haven't I? I'm sorry, let me try again.

Jaina's mouth hung open in disbelief.

"You're kidding me. You honestly think that hat is going to prevent you from freezing to death?

Jacen shrugged. "I don't see why not."

Jaina paused. Then she smiled. "Jacen, you're a genius!" she said, stripping down to her underwear and putting on a knit hat. Within a few moments, the shuttle was filled with half naked Jedi students.

"Where's Master Korr?" wondered Jacen. Jedi Knight Jaden Korr had been leading the trip. For those who have played the game Jedi Academy, you may remember that Jaden Korr was the main character, and you, the player, had to determine whether he was male or female.

Jaden Korr wasn't sure which you picked.

"Okay students! Pay attention!" called a decidedly feminine voice. All of the students turned to the speaker. Jaden Korr stood to the bow of the shuttle. Master Korr was wearing a pink parka, along with pink snow pants that accentuated his obviously manly hips. He had chosen to grow his facial hair, making him look very much like the bearded lady you might find at your nearest circus. A frown appeared on his masculine face. "Where are your clothes, students?" he asked cautiously.

Jacen explained. "98% of body heat escapes from the ears, Master Korr. Therefore, if we wear a knit hat, we should be fine."

"Where'd you hear that?"

"The internet."

"Oh. Then it must be true." Jaden agreed. He then put on a knit hat and began to strip down to a lacey bra and matching panties. Everyone onboard the shuttle, save Jaden, took this opportunity to purge their in flight lunch.

The shuttle touched down on the surface of Hoth, snow crunching beneath its weight. The students spilled out, excited at their chance to get on with the skiing. As soon as all of the passengers were safely unloaded, the shuttle took off, leaving the students behind for a fun filled day of alpine adventure.

Jaina frowned as she began to shiver. "J-j-jacen?" she asked, "are you sure this w-w-works?" She turned to her brother.

Jacen shrugged. "It should." He shivered. "But it doesn't seem to be working. I'm freezing. Is anyone else cold?"

The rest of the Jedi turned to Jacen, anger in their eyes.

"What?" he asked innocently.

[Princess 35]

Anakin woke up in a pool of vomit. Why did I make this wish? I have to get used to what dire consequences means. He stumbled up and his his head on a bulkhead. Anakin groaned, "I wish I was on the ski trip."

Glynda appeared out of nowhere and the room filled with pink smoke. When the smoke disappeared Anakin was standing in the middle of a group of Jedi and he was wearing just a gold sequin g-string and a Santa hat. "Glynda!"

"Yes Master?"

"Where are my clothes?"

"No one on this trip is wearing clothes. Look around."

"So is this the dire consequences then for this wish?"

"Oh no. This was your brother's idea. The dire consequences are about to come?"

'And what would they be?"

"Well Anakin, you're wearing very little in the way of clothing and are on a VERY cold planet. You must worry about shrinkage."

"NOOOOOOOOO! JACEN, I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" Anakin looked around for his brother and saw him standing on the top of a mound preaching to some of the Jedi.

"Come my brothers and sisters! Together we can survive the cold. All gather around and share the body heat. Do not frett, everyone will have a turn at the center and all must take their turn on the outside. Together as a family we can beat the threat of shrinkage!"

[Chickenman 9]

Lowbacca was conspicuosly silent during this speech. After all, he was the one covered in fur. He was perfectly warm. He whistled innocently. As Jacen continued talking.

"The first turn will go to...me!" he said, motioning every one to encircle him.

"What? No way!" cried Valin Horn.

"I don't think so, buddy!" cried out Raynar Thul. Arguments and fights broke out, as everyone tried to be the first in the center of the circle. Finnally, Zekk noticed Lowbacca.

"Wait!" he cried out. The fighting immediatly ceased. "Look at Lowbacca! He's got to have enough fur for all of us!"

Tenal Ka agreed. "This is a fact."

Lowbacca tried to protest, but nobody could understand his roars.

"Allright guys, get your razors out!" commanded Zekk.

"Umm, Zekk? We don't have razors. We left all our equipment on the shuttle!" reminded Jysella Horn.

"Oh. Oops." Zekk tried to think of another idea. He ignited his saber. "All right Lowie, just stay still..."

Lowie did not stay still.

***

About twenty minutes later, Lowbacca, completly shaven, sat shivering in the snow, his back to the rest of the group. The group, in contrast, was now wearing very fashionable fur coats. Anakin took this time to join in with the group. He spoke with his siblings.

"Wow Anakin, we were wondering where you were." Jacen said.

"Really? You were?" Anakin asked.

Jacen thought about it. "No, on second thought, we wern't. I don't think we've even mentioned you since our introduction to the story."

"Hold on." Jaina said. She flipped through her script. "No. We didn't."

"Oops. Sorry bro," Jacen apologized.

"Oh. Don't worry about it." said Anakin, hiding tears.

Master Korr fingered his coat curiously. "I hope this isn't animal fur."

Lowbacca shivered.

Edited November 27, 2006 by Chickenman

[Bad furday 57]

Tenel Ka sighed contentedly within her new fur coat. The scent of Wookiee fur was intoxicating!

She inhaled the musky smell deeply, and shuddered, her eyes rolling back in her head. Then, she turned and looked longingly at the shaved Lowbacca. Or more precisely, his Wookiee sized attachments.

Jacen noticed this.

"Hey! Stop checking him out!" he shouted to Tenel Ka.

"But friend Jacen, Lowbacca is so big and..." she trailed off, a look of sadness and shock on her features.

Everyone in the group turned to look.

Lowie, being separated from the warmth of the group and his fur, was succumbing to shrinkage.

Looking down, he gave an anguished howl, that sounded to everyone else an awful lot like,

"NNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The ladies in the group (not counting Master Korr) looked as if they couldn't wait to help Lowie any way they could.

For the fourth time that day, Anakin threw up.

Edited November 29, 2006 by Bad furday

[Chickenman 9]

The Millenium Falcon dropped out of hyperspace in the Endor system. Han quickly zipped up his pants and headed towards the cockpit.

Unfortunatly, he zipped a bit too quickly. Han screamed in pain as the zipper caught...something.

"Oh no. Oh no. No, no, no! God damn this hurts!" he cried, tears running down his face.

Leia rushed into the room, concerned. "What is it?" she asked. She paused when she saw what it was. "Han, dear?"

"What?" Han asked, still in noticeable agony.

"Why are you wearing your pants on your head?

"I don't know, but help me. The zipper's caught on my nose!"

"All right, hold on a second," Leia said, as she moved to help her husband. She looked at you, the reader, disgustedly. "What did you think his zipper was caught on? Just because the last couple of scenes were filled with immature nudity and sexuality, doesn't mean this one is."

"Yeah!" said Han, his voice a bit nasally from the zipper caught on his nose.

"I'm thoroughly disgusted with you, reader." Leia said. She shook her head and sighed. "Pervert."

Once Han had been rescued, the pair went to the Falcon's controls.

"Wow. This moon looks exactly like Yavin IV, therefore, it must be Yavin IV, right?" asked Han.

Leia frowned as she glanced at the navcomputer. "It says here we're hovering over the forest moon of Endor. Han, you're sure you input the correct coordinates?"

Han nodded.

"Then how the hell did we get here?"

Han shrugged. "Maybe Anakin magically teleported here, onto the Falcon, without us noticing, and changed the coordinates mid-flight to keep us from reaching the Yavin system in time for the conference. Therefore, we woudln't be able to talk to his teachers to see how he's doing."

Leia gave him a blank stare. "Don't blame this on Anakin, Han. Face it. You screwed up."

Han paused, then frowned. "Yeah."

Leia shook her head. Suddenly a warning klaxon went off. She checked a monitor. "We have a meteorite, inbound!"

Han reached for the controls, then paused again.

"Wait. Meteorite, or meteor?"

Leia checked the the monitor again. "Actually, it's a meteoroid." she answered.

"What's the diffrence?" Han asked, curious.

Leia switched the monitor to google. She then typed in a search for wikipedia. She accessed the wikipedia page for Meteorite.

"A meteorite is an extraterrestrial body that survives its impact with the Earth's surface without being destroyed. While in space it is called a meteoroid. When it enters the atmosphere, air resistance causes the body to heat up and emit light, thus forming a fireball, also known as a meteor or shooting star." she read.

Han nodded his understanding. "Oh, I get it." He glanced at his sensors. "Where'd you say it was?"

The ship shook as something slammed into it, ripping away a chunk of its hull.

"Right there." said Leia.

The Falcon went into a tailspin, on a collision course with the surface of Endor's forest moon.

***

Han, Leia, Chewbacca and C-3PO all awoke, their heads' spinning. They found themselves lying down in the middle of the forest, the wreckage of the Falcon to the side.

"My ship!" Han cried, as soon as his head had stopped spinning enough for him to notice the wreck. Leia went to comfort him, but then noticed that they were surrounded. By adorable teddy bear-like aliens. Ewoks. Han still hadn't noticed them. "I'm going to see what supplies we have left." He headed into the wreck.

"3PO, tell them we mean no harm." she ordered.

3PO said something in Ewokese.

"Did you tell them we mean peace?" asked Leia.

3PO nodded his confirmation. "Either that, or I told them that their mothers have the face of an donkey, the breath of a rancor and the intelligence of a Gungan. My language programming is a bit rusty. Judging by the way their spears are aimed at us, however, I calculate a 98% chance that I said the latter phrase."

Leia shook her head. There was no way this encounter could get much worse.

Suddenly, Han appeared out of the Falcon, dragging a cooler. "Good news!" he cried. He popped open the cooler and took out a can of Ewok Cola, the soda equivalent of Blended Ewok. "We've still got the soda pop supply!" He opened the Ewok Cola can and took a healthy swig. The Ewoks glared at him. "What?" he asked innocently.

Leia shook her head. Correction: It just did.

Edited November 30, 2006 by Chickenman

[Princess 35]

Leia glared at Han. "Han, you nerfherder! That's EWOK COLA!"

Han turned beet red. 'Uh, sorry guys. Yub yub?" The Ewoks eyed Han warily. Han gave them his best 'Hey, it's me' smile. One of the Ewoks looked vaguely familiar, was that Chief Chirpa? It was. "Chief Chirpa, you remember us. You helped us 20 years ago to defeat the Emperor here." Han paused so that 3PO could translate, and realized that that probably wasn't the best idea because the Ewoks were advancing on Han and Leia with their spears lowered and slingshots loaded. Han started thinking. "Leia! Use the Force like Luke did. Levitate 3PO!"

Leia looked at Han like he'd lost it. "Han, I'm not a full Jedi."

"Look your worshipfulness, either you levitate droid and remind the Ewoks that Goldilocks here is a diety or we're dead."

"Ok, I'll try." Leia took a deep breath and crossed her eyes and stuck out her tongue and concentrated on Threepio. She reached out with the Force and suddenly everyone heard a clang.

"Oh my," Threepio twittered. "I appear to be naked."

The Ewoks charged.

"Leia!" Han yelled. "Get on the comm and call the Noghri. Tell them to bring the big blender!"

[Chickenman 9]

"Master Korr? What are we going to do? I'm freezing, and I think Jacen's on the verge of frostbite!" asked Anakin.

Master Korr shook his head. "Now, now. Anakin, you know I can't cancel this trip for everyone just because you and Jacen are feeling a little uncomfortable."

"A little uncomfortable? We're going to die!"

"Anakin! We can't leave this trip just because of one or two kids. They've been looking forward to this trip for months."

"They want to leave too!" Anakin protested.

"They do?"

Anakin paused, incredulous. "Yes, of course! We're all freezing to death!"

"Is that true, kids?" Master Korr asked the group of Jedi students.

"Yes!" They all replied.

"Oh. Well why didn't you say that?" Master Korr asked. He reached into his bra and pulled out a comlink.

"You had that the whole time?" Zekk asked, dumstruck.

"Of course. I'd be a pretty bad chaperone if I didn't have some form of communication with me. What if something bad happened?"

Everyone was too cold to be enraged by this new level of idiocy. Within a few minutes, the shuttle had landed. The freezing cold students piled inside as quickly as possible, encouraged by the warmth they'd find inside. Jaina paused, when she walked by the cockpit. She noticed that the pilot and copilot were both wearing only their underwear and knit winter hats.

"You guys are only wearing your underwear and knit hats?" she asked, dumbfounded.

The pilot and copilot exchanged confused glances.

"Of course!" said the pilot. "Space is really freaking cold!"

[Princess 35]

"Corran Keiran Horn!" Mirax stormed into Corran's office and slammed the door. Corran winced and knew that his wife had seen his children's report cards. It wasn't his fault that he failed them. He was just grateful that his wife wasn't Force sensitive. He took a deep breath and braced himself for Mirax's tirade. "How dare you! How could you give your own children F's in phsyical fitness? What were you thinking? You weren't, were you? You were making an example of our children! And if you think that you're going to get away with it, you'd better be prepared to sleep on the couch for a long long time mister!"

Corran took another deep breath and gave Mirax a pointed look. "Are you done yet darling? I'd like you to get out all of your hysterics before I start explaining why I failed our children." Mirax glared at Corran and he knew that he'd just earned himself a week on the couch. Maybe he'd just sleep at the academy, when Mirax was mad at him, it was better not to go home until she calmed down. "I didn't mean it that way baby. You just burst into my office and started throwing accusations. If you had come in hear calmly and asked me why our children failed, I would have been more than happy to explain exactly why I failed our children. Instead, I have to first calm you down and then explain why I failed Valin and Jysella."

"Oh you're going to be sleeping on the couch for a long time mister for taking that patronising 'I'm such a calm Jedi Master and you're a hysterical parent' tone with me."

"For Force sake Mirax! Just shut up already! I failed our children because they were cheating on a test that I was giving! I tell all the students the first day that if I catch them cheating that they'll fail the class! That and our son has been hanging around his grandfather too much. He got into my test file and has been selling the answers to the written exams that I give that go with the field training. I wonder where he got that idea."

"Oh of course. Why don't you tell me these things at home? Instead you just fail our kids and don't punish them at home for cheating?"

"I don't want to treat them any differently than any other student dear. If I punish them as their teacher and their father, then they get punished double. I don't want to do that."

"Well, you may not, but I do. Just wait until I get my hands on them. Where are they?"

"On the Hoth ski trip."

[Mara 24]

"HOTH!" yelled Mirax. "I guess I'm going on a little trip.." She moved to head towards her room to pack.

Corran took her by the hand, stopping her. "No, dear. Let them have their fun. I don't want to exclude them from their friends. They've been waiting for this trip for a long time.

Let's just go down to the conferences and meet with their other Masters..."

Mirax looked at him warily, wondering if there was a trick.

"No, no...." he smiled. "I wouldn't dare use a Jedi mind trick on you."

"I dunno.. I still think..."

"Don't you want them to be treated like all the others? You don't see other parents running around uprooting their kids just to yell at them, do you? Let's wait until next week when they come back and we'll have a nice long discussion here at home about cheating. Okay?"

"All right." She sighed.

"Good." He kissed her and headed back out, to the conference in the meeting hall.

................

Meanwhile, Luke and Mara were headed to the meeting hall to greet worried parents of their Jedi students. Mara was grumbling.

"I don't see why we have to tell their parents how they're doing. Isn't knowing their children are Jedi and learning to help the galaxy enough for them?" spewed Mara.

"Because... " Luke had to think on that one for a while. He finally spoke a few minutes later while stopped in front of the meeting hall door.

"I actually can't think of a reason why."

He added, "Or why not," when he saw the look in Mara's eye.

"Skywalker, sometimes you make me so angry."

He smiled. "Yes, but now it's a loving anger.. and not a loathsome anger..."

She rolled her eyes. "Sure. Right."

"Let's just get through this. I'm sure all your students have been doing great and their parents will be glad to see you.

Afterwards, I have a big surprise for you." He grinned, kissed her on the cheek and headed inside for the meet-and-greet. Luke didn't have any classes this semester. Too many responsibilities. At least that's what he told himself.

Mara headed in soon after, thinking about what Luke said. Well.. that's true... all my students are doing very well... Then the face of little Rianna came to mind. Blast.... Maybe her parents won't come... they're all the way on Ryloth... It's not my fault she can't master -- Wait, a surprise? Yay! -- Er.... Rianna, yes...

She made it to her table with the sign "Master Mara Jade Skywalker: Using blasters, bombs and other weapons when you don't have use of the Force and your lightsaber 101."

She nodded to Kyp, who was at the next table over. He was sure fidgeting and sweating a lot. Then she remembered he was teaching Advanced Physics this semester. "Poor guy..."

Mara turned back to her own table, flipped through her papers, organized things, laid out her pencils. Why does Luke always insist on being early? There's no students, no parents for him to greet! She shook her head crossed her arms, waiting.

Bored, her thoughts turned to little Rianna. The poor girl couldn't get the hang of using simple blasters, even a small hold-out. She was way to dependent on the Force. Mara would swear that she even used the Force to breath. There needed to be some way to get through to her, without holding her back and sending to the remedial class. There had to be...

Mara was busy with her thoughts, so she didn't notice Kyp continuing to take secret draughts from a flask he had disguised as part of his belt. His eyes kept darting around. He felt like he was going crazy. He grabbed his flask again. It was empty.

"Blast!" he shouted.

From the other end of the hall Luke turned to look at him and so did Corran, who had just entered after calming down his wife.

Kyp tried to recover. "Er... I, er... just dropped my Advanced Physics book on my toe... Er..."

Luke and Corran looked at each other with a knowing smile, then turned away from Kyp.

Kyp's leg began to shake and tried to reach up to scratch behind an ear of its own accord. Kyp grasped the Force and tried to settle it down while looking for his travel-size Ki-Adi-Mundi portrait he kept in his briefcase for emergencies. He couldn't find it...someone must have taken it!

"Oh, for kriffing--!!"

"Er, dropped my book again, hee hee..." Kyp added, trying to look sheepish to assuage the stares of the others. More Masters had begun to arrive and the first of the parents.

Kyp turned back to his table and rifled through his papers, checked his briefcase again. Nowhere to be found. He was about to get up when the first parents stepped up to his table.

"Master Durron, we have some questions about your teaching methods..." spoke a female Rodian.

Oh, blast, blast, blast, blast, blast!! At least he didn't have to drop a book on his foot this time.

Edited December 29, 2006 by Mara

[Mara 24]

Guess I'll post again....

Meanwhile, on Hoth...

All the cold and shivering students crammed inside the shuttle for warmth after their ski trip ended early. Way early. They had only been on Hoth for five hours.

Zekk, who was sitting a little too close to Lowbacca, said, "Lowie, I wish your fur hadn't been shaved off..." He glanced away. "This is just... awkward."

Lowie mewled an assent.

One of the students shouted out, "So now what? Are we leaving Hoth? I can't go home yet.. not with conferences going on! I need to give my parents time to cool off."

"Yeah!" shouted another.

A third snickered, "Send 'em to Hoth to cool them off!"

A chorus of laughter turned into groans when all the students had images of their parents in only underwear dancing around Hoth appear in their minds.

"Thanks a lot, Anakin!!"

"Hey, it wasn't me! Wait... it was, wasn't it? Well.. I'm not sorry!" Answered Anakin.

Master Korr called for silence. He flickered the shuttle lights a few times. "Now children," he spoke, in that strange deep feminine voice, "Settle down. Everything will be remedied shortly. We made plans for another site, just for this sort of problem."

He pointed to a viewport. "We are well on our way, as you can see. If you look to our right, you can see...." Master Korr continued to drone on about landmarks and other important features of galactical geography, while the students prepared to ignore him and hold their own conversations. Even though they were crammed in fairly tight because the shuttled only held 30 and there were 50 students signed on for the trip, plus Master Korr and the pilots.

Until now.

"Oh, man... this sucks... I have such a bad hangover..." Came a man's voice.

All heads, except for Master Korr's, turned to the back of the shuttle.

"Master Aal'lis! What are you doing here?" Asked Jaina, of the Bothan Jedi Master.

"Oh... last minute plans, you know. I was sent over on the shuttle. Heard you needed more... chaperones... er... " Explained Master Siff Aal'lis. Even though he had been off the faculty for quite a few years now (no one could figure out why, but it usually came back to his late-night staff orgies), Aal'lis tended to show up to anything remotely resembling a party or a vacation. Or any room that served ale.

"Oh, I see." Said Jaina. "You just seemed to pop out of nowhere."

"Yeah..." he sighed. "I tend to do that."

[Ender 8]

Finally, after a long and awkward silence, Master Korr hit the thrusters, and the shuttle launched into hyperspace. However, after only a minute and 9 seconds in hyperspace, the usual starstreaks out the window suddenly began swirling, and turning all kinds of psychedelic colors.

The students all ooohed and aaahed.

"Funny, and I didn't even take my acid today," said Valin.

No one paid attention to this potentially scandal-starting comment, as they were all too entranced by the crazy lightshow going on.

After a long time in this trance, the ship lurched back into realspace, above a planet completely covered in neon lights.

"What is this place? This isn't Obroa-skai, Museum World!" said Master Korr.

While Master Korr tried to find out where in the galaxy the students were, Master Aal'lis silently cackled in the back as he replaced the panel where he had fiddled with the navicomputer.

"This place appears on no star charts, anywhere! It doesn't exist!" Master Korr screamed in anguish.

"Oh, but you're so wrong. It exists, and more." Master Aal'lis said.

"You know where we are? Tell us, come on!" the students shouted at him, not in unison, but a few beats apart, actually. It's a common fact that Jedi have no rhythm, funk, or soul. They're just down, depressing cats. They's not feeling good, not like our Godfather, who ruled the world of the funky-freshness...

*Sounds of struggle, screaming, and a man being beaten with a titanium 2x4 are heard in the background.*

*At long last, we hear the sound of a narrator clearing his throat.*

I apologize for that. My understudy's been smoking the "funny" cigarettes. Now, where were we... ah yes.

Master Aal'lis smiled mischievously. "This planet, boys and girls, is where dreams come true. This is Vegacidbiza."

Edited January 5, 2007 by Andrew

[Mara 24]

On Yavin 4, Parent-Master Night was off to a good start. Most parents were satisfied with the way their children were performing. Of course, nothing was mentioned to the fact that because they were Jedi and could use the Force, some students who normally would be doing poorly, were doing the best.

However, no matter how great their skills with the Force were, it seemed that every student of Kyp's Advanced Physics was failing. And Kyp was having an even harder time dealing with all the irate parents.

He ran a finger around the collar of his robe, while trying to explain why "little Billy" was failing Advanced Physics.

"But, Master Durron," asked the mother. "Perhaps you're moving too fast. Are you making sure my son and the other children are understanding things?" She leaned closer to him, conspiratorially. "He doesn't learn quite as fast as other children. I hope you give him the personal attention that he needs."

"Uh, ma'am... I'm sorry. There are just too many students and not enough time for me to, er... devote all my time individually."

Kyp was amazed at himself for coming up with a coherent sentence. Ki-Adi Mundi would be proud of him. Oh, Ki-Adi.... smookums..... aaahh.....

He realized she was staring. "Er.. is that all?"

She glared. "All your students are failing. I'm going to report you to the Council!" She stormed off, pulling her husband with her.

Kyp sighed. It was so much more easier back in the day when the parents never saw their children again when they were brought to the temple. They just assumed their children were being raised to become Jedi role models and leaders... and all that crap they told them in order to steal their children.

Oh well.. they just don't make Jedi kiddies the way they used to in his day...

Why in his day....

Kyp snapped out of his reverie before it started. He was feeling weird and reminiscent... He needed to find his picture and fill up his flask again.. before he started becoming......... normal. He shuddered at the thought and began rummaging through his papers again, looking for his precious back-up photograph.

But he had to stop prematurely when he noticed more angry looking parents coming towards him. He glanced around and hurriedly gathered up his things. He put up a sign "Sorry, Master Durron is gone... haha" and left the meeting hall quickly.

He ran into his office and locked the door, keeping off the lights. He used a little glo-ball of Force energy to look around his office for more flasks. He found one hidden between some datapads on a shelf. He sucked at it liberally and began to relax.

Ahhh... how would I ever survive without my precious....

He removed the Ki-Adi Mundi from his desk, resolving to make more copies, because he seemed to be loosing a lot of them lately. He hugged it closely, while sucking from his flask. He felt content.

Meanwhile, the other Masters noticed Kyp's sudden escape.

Corran motioned to Luke, who was still greeting parents.

"Hey, Luke! How come Kyp gets to leave?"

Luke walked over to Corran. "He doesn't. Why?"

"You didn't see him go running out of here?"

He shrugged. "I figured he needed to use the 'fresher."

"Oh. But he took his papers with him."

"Hmm.." Luke glanced over at Kyp's table and back again. "Well... I think Kyp's interviews were over. He only has that one class. "

Luke placed a hand on Corran's shoulder. "I think Kyp needs a break anyway. Teaching that Advanced Physics class must have put a strain on him. Next semester he'll go back to his other classes, as Master Secura will be back to teach it again."

Corran nodded. "Yeah, I suppose we could give him some slack. But he has been acting strange lately."

Luke looked back to the entrance.

"I think attendance is dwindling. We all should be able to leave soon." He walked back to greet the last of the parents.

Corran turned his attention back to his own table. Which had been pretty dull. Most parents didn't care how their kids did in physical activities. Except for the odd nerdy kid and his nerdy dad who cried about prejudice. Corran had to explain that everyone was treated the same.. and all must complete the same tasks and tests. If the kid did well on the next exam, he would be passed. It'd average out his poor physical shape. He sat back and waited for the conferences to be over.

Mara had seen Kyp rush out, too. She shook her head, feeling sorry for him. He had to teach kids something entirely unrelated to using the Force. She sympathized, because that's what she was doing also. Getting them to learn not to be too dependent on the Force for everything, especially defense. Sometimes a good blaster shot was better than waiting to build up a good Force push, especially with those new at using the Force.

She sighed. Little Rianna was the only one who hadn't mastered it yet. She wanted to use the Force to load in power packs and pull the trigger. Mara wondered how she would reach out to her. But that was something to figure out later, after the break when she returned.

He mind turned instead to Luke's surprise. She had no idea what he could be planning. Oh well, she'd find out, soon enough. Some alone time was all she wanted. Every since they had gotten married, it was always traveling around the galaxy searching for Jedi.. and sometimes she wasn't even with Luke. They had been apart so much lately.

Edited January 5, 2007 by Mara

[Princess 35]

On Endor...

Calkheem and Meelwah burst forth from the hold of the Falcon with the industrial sized blender just as the Ewoks reached Han and Leia. They turned it on and the Ewoks paused.

They stared at the blender in fear.

And they picked up rocks.

And then, being the smart ewoks that they were, threw them into the blender ruining the blades.

Han and Leia looked at each other in shock. "RUN!" They yelled at the same time.

Han, Leia, Chewie and the Nogri took off for the old shield generator. If only they could get their in time, the radio still had to work and they could call Luke and get some help.

And a new blender.

Those Ewoks were going to pay...

[Mara 24]

Back on Yavin 4, the last of the parents were just leaving the meeting hall in the Jedi Temple.

Luke looked around at everyone and said, "All right, you all may leave for your break now.

I will see you all here bright and early next week--"

He was interrupted by a chorus of "Woohoo!" from some of the Jedi Masters as they packed up quickly and ran from the room.

Corran even pumped his fist in the air a few times. "Yes!" He hurried away to be with Mirax.

Luke shrugged at Mara. She was the only one left in the whole room.

"Sometimes I wonder who are really the students and who are the Masters..."

Mara patted Luke on the shoulder reassuringly. "It's okay. Everyone needs to unwind sometimes. Even Jedi Masters."

"That's right." He grinned. "Get your things and let's head up to our room. We need to pack."

Mara did so and they left the meeting hall to go up to their quarters.

.......

On their way to the landing pad, Luke stopped, motioning Mara to go on.

"Go ahead and get settled. I'll be up in a minute. I need to send a message."

After Mara was inside, Luke took out his commlink and dialed up Corran's number.

He waited.

.......

Jedi Temple.....

"Er... sweetie... your commlink is going off..." Mentioned Mirax.

"Ignore it. It's break time now."

"But what if it's something important from the Temple?"

"Mirax... dear.... We're in the middle of something important."

She arched an eyebrow. "Nothing we can't finish later. You're about done anyway."

Corran grimaced and slid off the bed to find his commlink.

"This had better be good!"

"Oh, Corran. I'm glad I caught you. I was about to leave, but remembered I needed to talk to you."

"Blast it, Luke! I'm busy!"

"Sorry, Corran, I have a job for you. You can never been too busy for Jedi business..."

"Er, yes. I can. You have a wife, too, you know. Don't you like to have... fun time?"

Luke paused a moment.

"Yes, but that is not the point. I have an assignment. And no getting out of it.

I need you to keep an eye on Kyp. I'm worried about him. Maybe you and Mirax can take him somewhere for the weekend."

"But Luke!"

"Corran. No. You take Kyp out. Don't worry, you'll be duly rewarded."

"With a cookie?" But Corran didn't get a response, Luke had already closed his connection.

"A cookie, dear?" Asked Mirax.

"Yes... It's more than I'll get out of you, this weekend."

"EXCUSE ME?"

"Er.... Not like that... I mean.... Er... Luke wants us to keep an eye on Kyp this weekend. He's been acting strange."

"I see. Where is he now?"

He shrugged. "I dunno. I'd better go find him."

"Put on your pants first, before you start wandering around the Temple."

"Yes, dear...."

......

Back aboard the Jade's Sabre...

"Well, Mara.... If you'd be so kind as to just stay in the cabin while we travel... it'll be much more surprising for you...."

"You know I don't like other people flying my ship, Skywalker."

"Well, then it won't be a surprise!"

Mara sighed. Luke seemed geniunely hurt that she didn't want to be surprised. She decided to give in.

"Okay. But only this once.. and don't tell anyone."

"Not a word." He grinned and kissed him. "Now off you go. I'll join you once we've entered hyperspace.

To keep an eye on you." He winked.

Mara rolled her eyes as she headed down to the cabin. Luke made his way to the cockpit to get them started and enter the coordinates into the navicomputer.

.......

On Endor....

Han, Leia and the Noghri had just locked themselves into the shield generator building right before the Ewoks got there.

"Woah, that was a close one."

"Yeah..." Answered Leia. "Let's see if any of this comm equipment still works."

After much searching, they found one and called up Luke.

....Master Skywalker is not at the Jedi Temple right now... press 1 to leave a message.... press 2 to be forwarded to his personal comm... press 3 for Bothan.. press 4 for... Came the automated droid voice.

Leia pressed 2. And waited.

...Master Skywalker is not carrying his personal comm right now... you may hold and wait for him to retrieve it or try again by pressing 1.... press 2 to leave him a message..... press 3 to....

Han looked at Leia. "Where is that loony brother of yours?"

Leia shrugged and pressed 2.

"Luke, it's your sister, please pick up... We need some help... We actually went to Endor instead of Yavin 4. Luke... Luke!"

.....

On the Jade's Sabre...

Luke rummaged around a pile of clothes for his commlink.

"You know, you don't have to answer that, Skywalker."

"I do. I'm the head of the Jedi Temple, I have certain masterly obligations."

"And you have certain marital ones, too."

He glared at her and answered the commlink. "Yes?"

Leia's voice came out on the other end. "Luke! Luke, we need your help... We're stuck here on Endor and there's all these Ewoks, and...."

"Sorry, Leia, but I'm busy now. Sorry." He closed the commlink and rejoined Mara.

"Wow, Skywalker.. so daring. Hanging up on your sister." She smirked.

.......

Back on Endor....

Leia stared at the comm unit.

"What just happened?" Han asked.

"I don't know. I think Luke just jilted us. Luke, the man who rushes to help everyone he knows at the faintest notice.... I don't get it."

Edited January 10, 2007 by Mara