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Princess

GB Deathmatch Round 1, Fight 4

Who survives?  

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Princess

Our two biggest egos clash in this battle. Who survives? You decide

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GI_Admiral

OMG...give me time to think of this one.

This is hard....

Edited by GI_Admiral

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Ayingel

*microphone lowers into the ring*

Ladies and gentlemen, in this corner, we have Drake, the lean, mean, Batman machine. In this corner, we have Ender, the Rock man. Who will survive this battle royal? Gentlemen, I want a dirrty fight with many low shots. LETS GET READY TO RUMBLE!!!!!!

Ender begins by playing several loud, high-pitched notes on his show guitar. Drake falls to the ground, covering his ears from the horrid sound. Seeing his chance, Ender begins to shoot music notes out of the guitar at Drake's writhing body.

Drake, noticing the notes have stopped, moves with superspeed behind Ender. As he is about to grad Ender's prize Gibson, he is struck down by the music notes jutting out of his back. Bent over, Drake takes a chance and throws a Bat-shaped blade at Ender.

Now on the ground, Ender calls for the aid of his band mates. But, alas, they are too caught up with being a pretty boy rock group to hear him. Drake, too, calls for aid, and in drops in Tsl with katanas flying. She rips the notes out of his back, gives him a reviving kiss and he's up and ready again.

Ender, still on the ground, has somehow managed to crawl over to the announcer and steal the microphone. He grabs the announcer's leg for support and pulls himself to his feet. Holding the microphone, Ender starts in on how Brit-Pop is the best music in the world. Drake, noticing how worked up Ender is getting, makes his final move.

He grabs Ender's Gibson and walks stealthily over to Ender. Feeling a tap on his shoulder, Ender turns around only to be met by a Batman mask. "Who are you?" he asks, scared and not noticing the guitar behind his back.

"Your worst nightmare," And with that, Drake smashes the precious Gibson guitar over Ender's head, causing a really cool (but over used) rock show effect of sparks, flying plexiglass, and smoke. When the smoke clears, Ender is but 3 inches tall. Drake leans over and says, "Who's a rockstar?" and places him in a glass jar.

Very Rocky-esque, Drake goes to the edge of the ring. "TSL!" he yells. She comes running up and we fade to black on the final kiss with the rising music.

The winner? Drake!

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GI_Admiral

Drake and Ender are idly typing at their computers, until...

They are transported to a rocky arena (a la Geonosis) with GBers in the stands. Immedietly realizing what happened, the trash talk begins:

"I am becoming more powerful than any Canadian has ever dreamed of!" yells Drake, an evil glint in his eye.

"You'll discover firsthand the TRUE power of the British!" boasts Ender.

"You're not even British...you're from America!"

"N-no I'm not!!! How dare you say such things!" Ender immedietly pulls out a phone and calls his right wing buddies. 1 hour later, Ender shows Drake the news.

"United States declares war on Drake for being the terrorist responsible for every act of terror. Ever."

With this, the fight begins. Ender rushes in with his assortment of rifles. "Automatic Weapons ban this!" yells Ender as he fires round after round of the AK-47's "Hunting" rifle. Drake watches as the bullets fly towards him, and holding up his hand, he takes each shot into his hand.

"Worthless fool, you'll see the true power of the Dark side!"

Summining his superdupercalifragicexpialidocious Star Destroyer fleet, each equipped with uberly dark force crystalline which oozes with infinite power and invincibility. Suddenly the area is filled with laserblasts leveling part of the arena, killing Prin, Beeurd, and Aurelius.

Ender, thinking quick, dodges and calls on his US marines. The Marines fire shot after shot of every weapon concievable to them. However, in typical fasion, half miss, blowing up another portion of the Arena, killing TSL, SoftballJedi, Du and Furday.

Finally, a missle gets through, right as it is about to hit the Star Destroyer, Drake quickly types:

"I forgot to mention, these uberlyduberly awesomelyawesome star destroyers cannot be killed by missles....only by the Dark side."

Ender, still dodging lasers, pulls out a comlink and calls his secret weapon.

"Bushy, get the hell over here!"

Bushy jumps on GB, and starts picking fights. Drake, in his attempt to Modsmack Bushy, also modsmacks his own Star Destroyers, sending them reeling into his Borg Spher- I mean, Star Wars infinite Sphere.

Suddenly, GI waltzes by,

"I won, I won, I won, I r l337"

With a silent agreement, they start attacking GI, who immedietly runs. The chase ends up leveling another section of the Arena, killing GI, Ana, and Unknown.

Finally, Ender decides to end er....Finish it. He pulls out his guitar, and calls his bandmates. Shocked Drake can only watched stunned as the Band charges its super move.

"Fire!" Ender yells.

The Arena, or what's left of it, grows silent. Suddenly, a huge mushroom cloud shoots out from the arena. As the smoke billows, the surviving GBers see...

...

Drake standing there, looking stunned. It turns out that Evans hair was too long so his shot wasn't accurate. John and Nik were too busy posing for the pictures, and Ender had his back turned! Drake, recovering from his shock at the super move, suddenly bursts out laughing. Is that the best you can do?! Watch this!

Drake charges up his own super move. The Star Trek Warper! Suddenly, everything Star Trek shoots down, blowing away the last of the Arena killing Smurfette, Sentrosi, and Xanthic who weren't really paying attention, but were too busy cleaning. Ender, however, was unhurt.

"Haha, that only works on people who don't like Star Trek!" cries Ender in celebration.

"How aboot that eh? If only my pet moose didn't eat the instructions in my igloo...." mutters Drake.

In his last attack, Ender shoots out streams of music. British Pop plays over and over, sending out shockwaves, leveling Drake, who flies back and lands roughly. Coughing, Drake realizes he has to go to his last ditch move. He pulls out his comm, and regretfully calls out:

"JPL Squadron, come in JPL Squadron....I need your help!"

A strange buzzing noise is suddenly heard and grows in intensity. Finally, JPL squadron, along with GI, Ana, and TSL (Who revived using the GI version of the Clone wars Clone device). After a few ferocious strafing runs, the dust clears.

Ender and his band members lay dead, yet still posed for pictures. Drake, slowly gets up thinking he won, however, Janson moves again, finally making it to his feet. Suddenly, a glowing field starts to emit from both of them. The field starts to expand outwards, until they clash. Each field pushing against each other, as the ground is ripped apart by the force. It looks like a stalemate until Janson's concentration breaks, as he quickly turns around to see JPL Squadron again strafing. The combination of JPLs strafing run and Drake's ego finally rips Ender apart.

Drake, the winner, collapses to his knees as he is also hit by JPLs strafing run.

Drake, unlike Janson, however, is used to being shot by GI, and quickly transforms himself to be invincible. Standing up, he changes back.

"I am the Best Sith Ever!!!!!!!...eh"

Epilogue: As Drake still celebrates around the Arena, the other GBers start to revive themselves, one way or another. With an agreement, they decide to let Prin lay dead for even thinking of setting the two biggest Egos of GB against each other, ultimately killing everyone. Prin finally convinces Beeurd to revive her, and everyone experiences adminsmacks.

Winner: GI...I mean Drake

Edited by GI_Admiral

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Drake

:rofl: Brilliant!

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Tsl

:lol: Best. Post. Evaar! :D

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Princess

LOL! That's great GI!!!!!!!

*adminsmacks GI*

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Ender

To clear something up, just because I'm American doesn't mean I have to like our crap music. Britain has always and probably will always have much more musical talent than America.

And by the way, GI, Evan has a buzz. :p Though, the part about John and Nik is pretty accurate... :D

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jedichick

Don't know either one but I'm going with Drake just cause he has a cooler name and doesn't some to think he's a god. At least not yet.

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Ayingel

*dies laughing*

that is possibly the best thing i've ever read.

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GI_Admiral

Haha, darn :p in one pic, looked like he had long hair

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Tsl

Oh man...I have to write up a good one for this. Have to wait till Wed. or Thurs. though :(

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Mirax

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

GI, that is the first thing to make me smile in 3 days! Thanks! :D

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GI_Admiral

w00t!

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Tsl

The Death Match Cage is hosed out from the previous battle, the bodies carted away in giant ziplock baggies. A giant blowdrier is lowered from the ceiling to dry off the floor as the next two combatants are led out by the burly German men.

As the combatants are maneuvered into separate corners, Prin steps to the center of the ring as a giant microphone is lowered from the ceiling. "Welcome, welcome, ladies, gents, and wookies and chickens to the GB Death Match Arena!"

There is a spattering of cheers, grunts, roars, clucking and cat calls.

"For today's match we have two vicious, man-eating, inhumane...." She is interupted by snarling from one of teh corners. "Ahem! In this corner!" She gestures to the snarling corner. "We have Ender aka Janson aka The Republican!"

A clashing of boos and cheers arises from the crowd.

"And in this corner, we have Drake the Canadian Sith Lord!" She gestures to the other corner which has as of yet, remained silent.

Spotlights suddenly come on, shining on the opposite corners where the two opponens await the fight. Ender is snarling viciously and attempting to rush into the fight, apparently to devour whatever gets in his way. It takes three of the burly Germans to hold him back.

In the other corner, Drake is sitting quietly, coloring a picture. The Germans stand by warily, but so far have had no need to restrain him.

Prin grins and addresses the crowd again, "Alright, ladies, gents and etcetera! Place your bets and let's get rrrrrready to rrrrrrrrrrrrruuuuumbllllllllllle!"

She leaps out of the cage as the bell rings. The combatants are released and Ender comes tearing towards Drake, apparently hungry for blood. Drake remains seated, finishes up with his blue crayon, and looks up at Ender, who stands before him huffing, puffing and snarling.

"Coldplay sucks ass," he says evenly.

"Noooooooooooooooooooo!" howels Ender, staggering back as though he's been hit. He immediately regroups and leaps forward again. "Linkin Park is the worst band evaar!"

Drake stands abrubtly, knocking over his box of crayons, "You take that back right this instant!"

"Nevaar!" shouts Ender triumphantly. "I'm in a band! A band!"

Drake ignites his lightsaber. "Yeah, well I'm a Sith Lord, and I plan to kick your ass!"

Ender whips his guitar out of nowhere and brandishes it threateningly. "We'll see about that!" He play a rather vicious sounding chord which sends negative vibes out in a big circle from where he stands. Drake narrowly avoids being negatized by jumping crazily and Force-like over Ender's head.

Ender wheels around to face Drake, but is slammed back against the cage bars by a Force blast.

Drake grins evilly, "You dirty Republican!"

Ender howls with rage and comes rushing towards Drake, playing a bit of "Yellow" on his guitar so that Drake becomes drowsy and staggers back to lean against the cage bars. "You stinking Pinko liberal.......Canadian!"

Unfortunately for Ender, the mentioning of Drake's nationality does little to harm him, and in fact, seems to bolster and revive him. Awakened from his song induced stupor, he braces for Ender's attack with a wicked grin on his face. "What's that, chum? I can't understand your American grunts and whistles?"

Ender agains howls with rage and attempts to stab Drake with the pointy end of an American flag! Drake quickly deflects it with a Canadian flag.

"Hah!" says Ender as they struggle back and forth with the flags. "You can never beat me with Canadianness! America is too warlike for you and our President rocks!"

"Foolish mortal!" replies Drake. "I shall kill you with Canadian Finesse!" And with that he raises his arms up, Moses-like, and calls forth the waters of the mighty Niagara Falls!

Ender wheels around to find the huge wall of water towering over him, and cries out, "Nooooo!" He quickly calls upon the power of the American Niagara Falls, which rises up pathetically before the mighty Horseshoe Falls. The two great falls collide with a spray of water. The smaller American Fall merely manages to deflect some of the mightier fall away, so that Ender is not pwned, but merely sopping wet as the remaining water crashes over his head. He looks down to find that the water has deposited a fish in his pocket.

Drake is still cackling maniacly, when he is pelted in the back of the head with the fish. Angrily he wheels about, "Is that the best you can do!?"

"No! But I can do this!" Ender calls forth the Statue of Liberty, which comes in charging at Drake, swinging her massive torch threatening and attempting to crush him with her book. Drake is forced to back track, running and dodging as the massive statue comes after him. He can almost swear he hears the statue giggling...

"It's all over now!" cries Ender, waving the now somewhat tattered Stars and Stripes over his head.

"I don't think so, Band Boy!" sneers Drake.

There's a huge crunching noise as the CN Tower suddenly falls from nowhere and crushes the Statue of Liberty beneath it.

"Take that, you spikey headed freak!" Shouts Drake triumphantly.

Ender stares in shock for a few moments before finally coming to his senses. "You...you nerfherder! You've destroyed the Statue of Liberty!"

"It's a French statue anyway!" retorts Drake, which sends Ender into another rabid fit.

"Fine! Fine!" he yells and begins flinging Cinncinati style chili at Drake.

"Argh! Nooooo! What is this abomination?! Spaghetti in chili!?" In response, Drake starts flinging poutine back at Ender.

"Oh my God! What is this? French fries...with cheese....and gravy!?" screams Ender. He looks down at the abomination coating his body and seems to be near tears. "It's so wrong....so wrong....how could such a thing as this exist in the same world with such perfection as George W. and the Republican Party?"

Sensing that Ender is weakened, Drake takes advantage and begins hurling Tim Horton's donuts and coffee at him. Ender sinks to his knees, coated in powdered sugar, cheese, chocolate and gravy. The coffee is burning into his skin. He is sobbing.

"Canadian company...invading America....the injustice....oh, the injustice..."

Knowing that the moment has come, Drake stands over the cowering Ender and smiles evilly. "I win, f00!" With that, he stabs the Canadian flag through Ender's head and then skips off happily singing a Linkin Park song.

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GI_Admiral

ROFL! The food and the canadian companies. hahaha awesome

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Princess

LMAO! That's great TSL

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Drake

*cackles* :rofl:

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CorSec

Ender, cause Drake is too pre-occupied with GI!

(lazy response ftw)

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Drake

We start the Canadian Coalition together and this is how you repay me? I am slighted! Slighted, I say!

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Ender

*Bows to CorSec and gives him key to vault of cheeze*

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Tsl

Aha! Ender paid him off! :p

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Drake

CorSec is such a cheeze whore. :p

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Ender

Hey, I know how to play my cards... :p

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CorSec

We start the Canadian Coalition together and this is how you repay me? I am slighted! Slighted, I say!

Slighted indeed! *munches cheeze*

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