Random Rant and venting thread for general or specific rage

[Bad furday 57]

I'll add in my two cents...or 6 lira..or 4 francs..or whatever...

Being of the shy sort...I find it incredibly hard to walk into an area full of people I don't know (ie: cafeteria) without the knowledge that there will be at least 1 person there I know.

Approaching some one I don't know is hard...expecially if they're an attractive young lady...I imagine her scrutinizing me...under the microscope if you will...

I don't ask questions....even if I ought to...and there's nothing more terrifying than hearing the professor say, " Ok folks, let's break up into groups and discuss this." However, this only applies if I know no one in the group.

Speaking infront of a bunch of people I know isn't too bad, but speaking infront of many people I don't know is very unnerving. One reason I try to work as much comedy into my speeches and such as I can. If I can get the audience to laugh with me, it loosens up the mood and things go pretty well.

I'm convinced I have some sort of APD (Avoidant Personality Disorder). I either consciously or unconsciously avoid people....and watching myself do this is both interesting to study, as well as frustrating. I can spend an entire day saying nothing at all, if I actually tried hard enough. My opinion of myself fluctuates from "Today's great to be here and be me!" to "Today was horrible...and I hate my incompetance!" based on the events of the day. I'm happiest doing things my way, by myself. Yet I know that in order for me to be successful in the workplace, I'll have to (shudder) be a member of the team. Ah well...I'm convinced that it'll work out for the (mostly) better in the end...as I know that once you hit the lowest part..the only way is up ( which I've done many times).

Why am I saying all this? Well..this is the ranting thread. And I actually do feel a bit better...getting it off my chest...or back..or sternum...or vertibrae...

[CorSec 5]

I spend a good hour at night reflecting on my stupidity throughout the day. I kinda just sit there staring into space with the lights in my room on until someone complains. At this point, I stop, get ready, and then go to bed...and then continue. Even when I know that my 'mistakes' weren't my fault, and that I wasn't responsible or something, I still have this lingering feeling of doubt. I'll replay the event and the conversations in my head over and over until I'm calm enough to sleep. Depending on the importance of what happened, I could be haunted by such mistakes for a year or more, randomly going back and thinking about it. Recently, I've just tried to forget, and it's working to. I think it's due to my inability to accept weakness. Despite online appearances, I don't like making mistakes. It's not that I care what others will think, it's just that I feel dissapointed in myself.

well...yeah...behavioural analysis for the day.

[Bad furday 57]

Oooh..this is page 111!!!!111!11!!11!!!!11!!!! :D

[Mirax 3]

I've gotten to that point before... Where absolutely nothing (and I do mean nothing, not even my son's smile) cheered me the slightest.

I know there's a huge stigma on Zoloft and even going to the GP to get diagnosed. But it does work. Life isn't meant to be gone about feeling like that. It's too darned short.

[MsSolo 1]

I seem to have opened a whole can of worms here. I didn't mean to upset anyone.

I understand clinical depression, and all those varieties. I accept easily that it's a real disorder, with real ramifications, and can come from internal or external sources. I know that you usually can't tell if someone has real depression. What I don't understand is people who, when they feel miserable, tell everyone they're suffering from depression simply to get sympathy. As you seem to demonstrate, people who are actually depressed tend to avoid publicising it. My friend Jess suffers from depression. She's on something higher than prozac for it. It's seroius for her. Without it she disappears down a black hole. Whereas another friend is on both prozac and ritalin (diagnosed with depression and ADHD by her mother, who would not exactly be the most objective judge) and displays absolutely no difference in behaviour whether she takes either or not, which suggests to me that she doesn't actually suffer from depression, just attention seeking.

I think my issue with it all is that there's a difference between teenage angst and real depression. It's not to say teenagers don't suffer from depression (probably one of the highest groups of sufferers), but the occasional bad mood doesn't warrant prozac. Several years does. One type of depression is diagnosed on the basis that you feel terrible for two years, with no more than a two month repireve during that time. I just find people who wander about going "Oh, I'm so depressed. Look at me. Feel sorry for me. I'm so depressed, my mother won't let me borrow the car, I'm so depressed. Pity me" irritating because they're detracting attention from the people who really do suffer. I have a friend who's suffered from depression on and off for years. Until she told us, we had no idea. When you have other people going on and on about who their life sucks, you overlook the people who's lives suck so much they don't want to talk about it.

To make a suggestion: psychiatrists are much easier to talk to than other people. They can't judge and you can generally feel compfortable that they'll have met someone stranger, or whinier, or more messed up than you. They don't know you, or the people you know. It's like discussing it online, in that respect. You know that only the people you want to know will know. If there's someone bothering you you'll know it'll never get back to them. Also, it's a professional. It feels like you're doing something to solve the problem, at least at first.

I don't suffer from any kind of disorder. I like to fancy that I do, occasionally (psychology probably wasn't a good subject for someone with just a hypochondriac bent as me), but I know I don't suffer from anything I like to think I do. I'd still like to see a psychiatrist at some point. I did when I was younger, after my father died, but my memories of that are mostly playing with dollhouses and getting frustrated at being unable to draw him accurately only a few weeks after he was gone (which I solved by finding the lady a photograph). I have suspicions that I have repressed issues from that period, but again, maybe I'm just imagining that. One day I will see a psychiatrist, maybe just out of curiousity, but not one day soon.

So somewhere in that jumble were the points (a) I wasn't trying to be rude to people who really do suffer from depression and (b) if you think you honestly do suffer from it, or anything else, see a professional. It's a proactive step, if nothing else.

[Bad furday 57]

Yay!

*huggles Min, and duct tapes the can of worms shut*

[Andy 60]

see a professional

Meh, they'll probably just prescribe drugs, and I don't want that.

[Link 3]

so Americans aren't the only pill poppers

[Tsl 7]

see a professional

Meh, they'll probably just prescribe drugs, and I don't want that.

Psychologists can't prescribe...unless it's different in the UK. It's docs and Psychiatrists (and prolly pschiatric nurse practicioners too) who prescribe the meds. Even if they are prescribed doesn't mean you have to take them anyways. Any good therapist will tell you that it takes more than meds to make a real difference.

Keep in mind too that for some people, meds are the only way to get better, because it is, after all, a chemical imbalance. Don't think it's just an easy way out for them. Also, some really huge percentage (I forget the number, but it's like 60% or something huge) of folks in the US at least, probably the developed world, are on SSRIs (your Zolofts, prozacs, etc.), so it's not like a rare thing.

Not saying you shouldn't try other things first, but if it gets bad enough...

[Ender 8]

I'm kind of like CorSec. I can stay up for hours at night, just lying in bed, thinking of really anything. Hell, it doesnt even have to be something bad and it'll keep me up. It frustrates me, actually. I just want to sleep, yet thought after thought keeps pouring in...

[Radioactive Isotope 29]

sounds like my sister. that girl never gets any sleep. of course, she's a definite Type A personality, so that could explain it.

[Link 3]

yeah i can relate to not sleeping. i haven't slept through the night for almost two months now. its awful.

[Mirax 3]

I understand MsSolo. I know quite a few attention seekers that will fake any illness (not just Mental Illnesses) to get the attention that they seek.

Having worked in a Mental Health clinic, I can tell you that therapy can help. But depending on the level of illness meds are DEFINATELY needed. (But I must also say that the clinic I worked in specialized in SDMI, Serious Disabiling Mental Illness). Therapy works when there are actually issues behind the problem causing your depression. When it comes from just a chemical imbalance, such as in my case, "popping that pill" did work. And noticably. And just because you start taking a medication for it, does not automatically deem you as forever having take a pill. Zoloft is nonhabit forming. And I should still be taking it, but I seem to be doing fine now off the drug. I, like Beeurd, REALLY shied away from wanting to be on meds. It just came to a point in my life where I knew there was no way I'd be able to get myself back on track without it. Beeurd, if you feel you can still handle the slides down into depression... then by all means continue. But please if you do get to a point where you can't get yourself back up. Please consider getting help such as meds. Meds really are the only way when there is something chemically wrong with you, and it's not some deepseeded issue that you need to deal with.

And as for Mental Health workers..... well all I can say is they tend to be even MORE "screwed up" than the patients. And anyone that's worked with them could tell you that much. Oh and that they throw GREAT parties! ;)

[Tsl 7]

And as for Mental Health workers..... well all I can say is they tend to be even MORE "screwed up" than the patients.  And anyone that's worked with them could tell you that much. Oh and that they throw GREAT parties! 

I knew there was some reason I liked psych nursing :p

[Andy 60]

Beeurd, if you feel you can still handle the slides down into depression... then by all means continue.

I think I can cope as long as I can see that glint of light on the horizon.

I've been told I'm in line for a promotion to Floor Manager in the summer. I hoped to be out of there by then, but if I can't then this is the next best thing.

[chozen 1]

In all honesty beeeurd, I think being floor manager is far better than getting a new job.

And it would also look goo don your CV.

[Andy 60]

Yes but it's still floor manager... at McDonalds. But yes, any managerial experience looks good on a CV.

[chozen 1]

The pay isn't too bad, if i remember.. They've probably changed it.. Though.. so you're right.

[Andy 60]

Yeah but you live down London way, don't you. It's more down there.

I'm on ?4.42 per hour, after 4 years of working there. I need more money if I am ever to be able to move out of my parents house.

[Elph 0]

Today some jerk-off called in a bomb threat to my school. This, of course, means sitting in the bleachers for an undetermined amount of time whilst the illustrious bomb squad sweeps the school.

This time it was for four hours. Four hours of metal bleachers and no shade. I am now a lovely shade of scarlet. I will be billing the school for my skin cancer removals.

[Ender 8]

:lol:

We had one of those a few weeks ago... wasnt much better, because it was three hours and it was raining outside... lol.

[Andy 60]

What are bleachers? Apart from someone who bleaches things, lol.

[TheUnknown 39]

We had one my freshman year of high school. Or at least it was rumored to be one. That's the problem. They don't tell the students jack, so they come up with stories themselves.

And what was funny about it was it happened just when the eight-graders were supposed to be coming for their tour of the high school.

[TheUnknown 39]

What are bleachers? Apart from someone who bleaches things, lol.

Metal or wood benches with no arm rests used to seat spectators at sporting events.

[Andy 60]

Oh right. Must be an American thing. Wait, you have them at your school? :|