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Bad furday

A Sithmas Carol

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Bad furday

A Sithmas Carol


the Psychopathic Jedi

Well folks, I received this idea from someone on good authority that we ought to do it! After thinking it over, it sounds really fun! So...

Here's the basis I chose to have our story follow:


All one has to do is Cut, Paste, and then most importantly, Alter the story to fit into the StarWars galaxy.

ex: Tiny Tim: May the Force be with us, every one!

Below is the cast of characters in order of appearance. The person portraying them is to the right.

Ebeneezer Scrooge........................Anakin ( As Darth Vader)

Charity Matrons (2)........................Sabe, Mon Mothma

Fred.............................................Wes Janson

Bob Cratchit..................................Admiral Piett

Child of Want.................................Max Rebo

Jacob Marley..................................Emperor Palpatine

Spirit of Sithmas Past......................Watto

Scrooge as a Boy.............................Wicket W. Warrick

Coachman......................................Captain Tarpals

Belle as a Girl..................................Jysella Horn

Belle's Mother..................................Jobal Naberrie

Scrooge as a Young Man..................Anakin ( As seen in Ep II)


Spirit of Sithmas Present...................Jabba the Hutt

Fred's Wife.......................................Aayla Secura

Kitty................................................Ayy Vida

Businessman...................................Lando Calrissian

Mrs.Cratchit......................................Shaak Ti

Tiny Tim...........................................Yoda

Theresa Cratchit................................Greeta

Belinda Cratchit.................................Hermione Bagwa

Martha Cratchit..................................Tenel Ka

Peter Cratchit.....................................Kitster

Want /Ignorance.............................Sebulba, Salicious Crumb (respectively)

Spirit of Sithmas Future......................Boba Fett

Second Businessman .........................Hobbie Klivian

Wealthy Lady.....................................Yarna D'al Gargan

Joe...................................................Grand Moff Tarkin

Mrs. Dilber..........................................Rystall

Young Lad in the Street..........................................Wald

Well, that's it then. Remember to try to incorporate the characters' mannerisims into the other characters they're protraying. Also make surroundings such as homes, be in the StarWars style. All the characters listed above can be found in the StarWars.com Databank for Characters.

Have fun, and Merry Christmas!

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(Camera pans down to the suface of Coruscant. It focuses on a small office near the lower levels of the city)

NARRATOR: Marley was dead, to begin with. This must be distinctly understood, or nothing wondrous can come of the story we are about to relate?

Scrooge knew he was dead? Of course he did. How could it be otherwise? Scrooge and he had been partners in business for years. When Marley died Scrooge was his sole executor, his sole friend and sole mourner. And even Scrooge was not so dreadfully cut up by the sad event but that he was an excellent man of business on the very day of the funeral.

Old Marley was dead as a decicred. There is no doubt whatsoever about that. The register of his burial was signed by the clergyman, the clerk, the undertaker, and the chief mourner. Scrooge signed it: and Scrooge's name was good upon the Exchange for anything he chose to put his hand to.

Oh, but he was a tight-fisted hand at the grindstone, Scrooge! a squeezing, wrenching, grasping, scraping, clutching, covetous sinner.

(LIGHTS come up on VADER in his COUNTING HOUSE as NARRATOR speaks about him. NARRATOR stands aside as SABE and MON MOTHMA enter.)

Scene 1

SABE: A merry Sithmas!

VADER (breathing angrily): Bah! Humbug!

SABE( nervously): Have I the pleasure of addressing Mr. Scrooge, or Mr. Marley?

VADER: Mr. Marley has been dead these seven years. He died seven years ago, this very night.

MON MOTHMA: At this festive season of the year, Mr. Scrooge, it is more than usually desirable that we should make some slight provision for the poor and destitute, who suffer greatly at the present time. Many thousands are in want of common necessaries; hundred of thousands are in want of common comfort, sir.

VADER (continues to write): Are there no more Imperial prisons?

MON MOTHMA: Plenty of prisons.

VADER: And the workhouses? Are they still in operation?

MON MOTHMA (sadly): I wish I could say that they were not.

SABE: A few of us are endeavoring to raise a charitable fund to buy the poor some meat and drink, and means of warmth. We choose this time, because Sithmas is a time, of all others, when Want is keenly felt, and Abundance rejoices. As you are a man of means, I am sure my friend and I can count on you to make a generous contribution, in the spirit of the holiday. Or perhaps you would care to make a donation in Mr. Marley's name on this anniversary of his passing. What shall I put you down for?

VADER (irritably): Nothing.

SABE (puzzled): You wish to remain anonymous?

VADER: I wish to be left alone! I don't make merry at Sithmas myself, and I can't afford to make idle people merry. I help to support the establishments I have mentioned--they cost enough--and those who are badly off must go there.

MON MOTHMA (shocked): Good sir, the Trade Federation workhouses are dreadful places where the able-bodied are worked like beasts of burden, their dependents allowed barely enough food and shelter to keep them alive. Disease and death haunt these houses. I assure you, many would rather die than enter their doors.

VADER: If they would rather die, they had better do it, and decrease the surplus population! Allow me to remind you, ladies, that it is a hard and unforgiving world. Those who make their way in it, do so by dint of labor. What I have gained, I have earned with sacrifice and years of toil. I suggest you recommend to your poor petitioners that they employ themselves in a similar course of action. If you press me further, I tell you it is enough for a man to understand his own business, and not to interfere with other people's. Mine occupies me constantly. Good afternoon.

SABE: Mr. Scrooge--!

VADER: Good afternoon!

(JANSON enters, passing SABE and MON MOTHMA as they exit.)

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MON MOTHMA (to JANSON): If it is aught for charity you seek, you've made a critical error. Here's none to be found.

JANSON: Indeed! I am sorry to hear that! Allow me to make a donation of my own-not so much as Uncle Scrooge might well spare, but something nonetheless! The best of the holiday season to you both.

SABE (shaking JANSON'S hand): Thank you very much, sir. A merry Sithmas to you, sir!

(SABE and MON MOTHMA exit.)

VADER: ?Merry Sithmas?? Humbug.

JANSON: Sithmas a humbug, uncle! You don't mean that, I am sure.

VADER: I do. (breaths) Merry Sithmas! What right have you to be merry? What reason have you to be merry? You're poor enough.

JANSON: Come, then. What right have you to be dismal? What reason have you to be morose? You're rich enough.

VADER: bah (breathes heavily)

JANSON: Don't be cross, uncle.

VADER: What else can I be when I live in such a world of fools as this? Merry Sithmas! Out upon merry Sithmas! What's Sithmas time to you but a time for paying bills without credits; a time for finding yourself a year older, and not an hour richer? If I could work my will, every idiot who goes about with `Merry Sithmas' on his lips should be boiled in his own rhyscate, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart. Hah!

JANSON: Uncle!

VADER: Nephew! Keep Sithmas in your own way, and let me keep it in mine.

JANSON: Keep it! But you don't keep it.

VADER: Leave it alone, then. Much good may it do you! Much good has it ever done you!

JANSON: There are many things from which I might have derived good, by which I have not profited, I dare say. Sithmas among the rest. But I am sure I have always thought of Sithmas time as a good time: a kind, forgiving, charitable, pleasant time: the only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely, and to think of people around them as if they really were fellow-passengers to the grave, and not another race of creatures bound on other journeys. And therefore, uncle, though it has never put a scrap of gold or silver in my pocket, I believe that it has done me good, and will do me good; and I say, may the Force be with it!

(ADMIRAL PIET has entered during JANSON'S speech. He applauds vigorously.)

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VADER ( to PIETT): Let me hear another sound from you, and you'll keep your Sithmas by losing your situation! ( to JANSON) You're quite a powerful speaker, sir. I wonder you don't go into the Galactic Senate.

JANSON: Don't be angry, uncle. Come dine with us tomorrow!

VADER: Never.

JANSON: But why?

VADER: Why did you get married?

JANSON: Because I fell in love.

VADER: Because you fell in love!? Ridiculous.

JANSON: You never came to see me before I married. Why give it as a reason for not coming now?

VADER ( breathing angrily): Crachit! Show him to the door.

JANSON: I want nothing from you; I ask nothing of you; why cannot we be friends?

VADER: Crachit! The door!

JANSON: I am sorry, with all my heart, to find you resolute. We have never had any quarrel, to which I have been a party. But I have come in homage to Sithmas, and I'll keep my Sithmas humor to the last. So a Merry Sithmas, uncle!


JANSON: And a Happy New Year!

VADER (growls)

(JANSON stops to talk to ADMIRAL PIETT.)

VADER: There's another fellow, my clerk, with fifteen credits a week, and a wife and family to support, talking about a merry Sithmas. Idiots and fools. I'll retire to Bedlam.?

(JANSON exits. ADMIRAL PIETT goes out and returns with his hat and scarf and VADER'S hat and coat.)

VADER (to PIETT): You, sir! You'll want all day tomorrow, I suppose?

ADMIRAL PIETT: If it's quite convenient, sir.

VADER ( mutters angrily) It's not convenient? paying a day's wages for no work. You think it only ?fair,? I'll be bound.

ADMIRAL PIETT: It's only once a year, sir.

VADER: ?Only once a year, sir?? A poor excuse for picking a man's pocket every twenty-fifth of December. Very well, go home, keep your Sithmas. But mind you, be here all the earlier the next morning.

ADMIRAL PIETT: Indeed I will, Mr. Scrooge. Thank you, sir!

(ADMIRAL PIETT puts on his hat and scarf. He then leaves the counting house and walks towards the upper levels of Couruscant. VADER puts aside his papers and puts on his hat and coat. He then exits the counting house as well, and heads toward his appartments. LIGHTS go down on the counting house. While the NARRATOR speaks INHABITANTS OF THE LOWER LEVELS enter and pass by VADER as he walks home through the STREETS.)

NARRATOR: Sithmas Eve. The city clocks had just gone seven, and it was quite dark. Cold, bleak, biting weather.

But winter's cold had little influence on Scrooge. No wind that blew was bitterer than he; no falling snow was more intent, no pelting rain less open to entreaty. He had made himself a sort of artificial winter that froze any that came near him, for it was his chief pleasure to walk alone amongst his fellow creatures, disdaining their pity or their ire alike. Nobody ever stopped him in the street to say, with gladsome looks, ?My dear Scrooge, how are you?? Even the blind men seemed to sense his presence and turn away. No man, woman, or being ever once in all their lives inquired the way to such and such a place, of Scrooge.

MAX REBO (runs up and tugs on VADER'S coat): [Have you a penny to spare, sir?]

VADER (exhales sharply): Bah! (Frightening MAX REBO off).

NARRATOR steps forward and INHABITANTS OF THE LOWER LEVELS exit gradually. VADER reaches his quarters and stands on the doorstep fumbling for the datacard. As he does so, VADER notices that the call button next to the door appear to be taking on the shape of a face. Rattled, VADER opens the door to his darkened appartments and goes upstairs to his CHAMBERS.

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NARRATOR: That evening, Ebeneezer Scrooge sat in his bed chamber, eating a bowl of gruel.

(A box of Cream of Wheat has been strategicly placed for all to see). Scrooge lived in a set of appartments which had once belonged to his deceased partner, Marley. They were a gloomy suit of rooms, in a dilapidated part of the city. It was old enough now, and dreary enough, for nobody lived in it but Scrooge, the other rooms being all let out as offices. Once inside, he closed his door, locked himself in, double-locked himself in, and sat down before the fire.

(LIGHTS come up on VADER'S ROOM.)

NARRATOR: It so happened that while he was ruminating, his glance came to rest upon a bell, an ancient, disused bell, that hung in the room, and communicated for some purpose now forgotten with a chamber in the lower story of the building. It was with great astonishment, and with a strange, inexplicable dread, that as he looked, he saw this bell begin to swing of its own accord.

(BELL is heard. VADER sits frozen. Silence, then CLANKING is heard. NARRATOR steps aside and PALPATINE enters throught the doubly locked doors, behind VADER.)



VADER (hyperventilating): Who?who are you?

PALPATINE: Ask me who I was.

VADER: Who were you then, and what do you want of me?

PALPATINE: Much! In life I was your partner, Jacob Marley.

VADER: Marley?!

PALPATINE: You don't believe in me.

VADER: I don't.

PALPATINE: Why do you doubt your senses?

VADER: Because a little thing can affect them. A slight disorder of the stomach makes them cheat. You may be an undigested bit of dewback, a blot of mustard, a crumb of cheese, a fragment of an underdone gornt. It's humbug, I tell you. Humbug!

(PALPATINE cries out loudly and rattles his chains.)

VADER: Force! Dreadful apparition, why do you trouble me?

PALPATINE: Man of the worldly mind! Do you believe in me or not?

VADER: I do! I must! But why do spirits walk Coruscant, and why do they come to me?

PALPATINE: It is required of every man that the spirit within him should walk abroad among his fellow men, and travel far and wide; and if that spirit goes not forth in life, it is condemned to do so after death. It is doomed to wander through the world-oh, woe is me!-and witness what it cannot share, but might have shared and turned to happiness.

Look upon me! I wear the chain I forged in life. I made it link by link, and yard by yard. Is its pattern strange to you? Or would you know the weight and length of the strong coil you bear yourself? It was full as heavy and as long as this, seven Sithmas Eves ago. You have labored on it since. It is a ponderous chain!

VADER: Jacob, Old Jacob Marley, speak comfort to me, Jacob!

PALPATINE: I have none to give. It comes from other regions, Ebeneezer Scrooge, and is conveyed by other ministers, to other kinds of men. Nor can I tell you what I would. I cannot rest, I cannot stay, I cannot linger anywhere. My spirit never walked beyond our counting house-mark me!-in life my spirit never roved beyond the narrow limits of our money-changing hole, and weary journeys now lie before me.

VADER: You must have been very slow about it, Jacob.


VADER: Seven years dead, and traveling the whole time.

PALPATINE: No rest, no peace. Incessant torture of remorse.

VADER: Do you travel fast?

PALPATINE: I travel on the wings of the wind.

VADER: I would think you should have covered a great quantity of ground in seven years.

PALPATINE: O, captive, bound and double-ironed - not to know that any spirit working kindly in its little sphere, whatever it may be, will find its mortal life too short for its vast means of usefulness. Not to know that no space of regret can make amends for one life's opportunities misused! Yet such was I! Oh, such was I!

VADER: You were always a good man of business, Jacob.

PALPATINE: Business!? Mankind was my business! The common welfare was my business; charity, mercy, forbearance, and benevolence, were, all, my business. The dealings of my trade were but a drop of water in the comprehensive ocean of my business!

At this time of the year, I suffer most. Why did I walk through crowds of fellow-beings with my eyes turned down, and never raise them to aide a common beggar? Were there no poor homes to which the Force would have conducted me?

Hear me, now o man! My time is nearly gone.

VADER: I will! But pray don't be hard upon me, Jacob!

PALPATINE: Know then I have sat invisible beside you many and many a day? I am here tonight to warn you, so that you may have yet a chance and hope of escaping my fate--

VADER: You were always a good friend to me, Jacob.

PALPATINE: --You will be haunted by three Spirits--

VADER: You're holding up four fingers!

PALPATINE: Eh? Oh, sorry.

VADER: Is that the chance and hope you mentioned? I--I think I'd rather not.

PALPATINE: --Without their visits you cannot shun the path I tread. Expect the first when the bell tolls one.

(PALPATINE begins to exit.)

VADER: Couldn't I take `em all at once, and have it over?

PALPATINE'S VOICE: Remember, for your own sake, what has passed between us!

NARRATOR: Scrooge followed Marley to the window, where he beheld a great crowd of spirits in the air. One ghost, he saw, hovered in a doorway and cried bitterly over a poor mother and her child, as he could no longer help them. Terrified by the vision, Scrooge returned to his chair, to wait the coming of the first spirit Marley had foretold.

(VADER, disconcerted, returns to his chair to wait the coming of the 1st SPIRIT. CHIME.)

VADER: Quarter to.


VADER: Ten to!


VADER (with approaching dread): Five to.

(BELL tolls, and the WATTO enters.)

VADER: The hour itself! (Looks around and sees WATTO hovering in the air.)

Scene 2

VADER: Are--are you the spirit whose coming was foretold to me?

WATTO: Yeah, I am ze Ghosta Sithmas Past, heh heh!

VADER: Long past?

WATTO: No, a your past, heh heh! Rise, and a walk witha me.

(WATTO makes a gesture and LIGHTS come up on a SCHOOL ROOM, where a WICKET W. WARRICK sits reading. There is a trunk next to him. )

VADER: By the Force!

WATTO (stopping him): These are ze shadows ofa things apast, Ebeneezer. They can'ta see or hear you.

VADER: Why, it's just as I remember it! My old school room, you see, and there I am! How astonishing! (Takes a closer look at WICKET W. WARRICK) One question spirit...why am I so furry?


WATTO: A solitary child eh??

VADER: The others have already left for the Sithmas holidays.

WATTO: But ze school is nota quite deserted yet?

(JYSELLA HORN enters.)

JYSELLA HORN: Why, Ebenezer! Won't you be going home for Christmas?

WICKET W. WARRICK: [ I'm sure my father will send for me soon.]

JYSELLA HORN (sitting down next to him): What are you reading? Can I look at your book with you?

WICKET W. WARRICK (showing her): [it's about The Little Lost Bantha Cub and his parrot.]

VADER: ?Poor Bantha Cub,? he called him, when he came home again after wandering round the Dune Sea. ?Poor Bantha Cub, where have you been, Bantha Cub?? The Bantha thought he was dreaming, but he wasn't. It was the parrot. - Poor boy. I wish? but it's too late now.

WATTO: Isa something the matter?

VADER: Nothing, nothing.

WATTO: I see a tear upon youra cheek. Do you call thata nothing, eh?

VADER: There was a young Ortolan in the street earlier? I should like to have given him something, that's all.

CAPTAIN TARPALS: Come along then. (Picking up the trunk.) Back upastairs with yousa!

WICKET W. WARRICK: [My trunk! I need my trunk for when I go home, sir!]

CAPTAIN TARPALS: Yousa not be a goin' home this Sithmas, little Ebeneezer. Upastairs with yousa now!

WICKET W. WARRICK: [Perhaps there's been a mistake! I know my father--]

(CAPTAIN TARPALS exits, opposite with trunk.)

JYSELLA HORN: Poor, Ebeneezer.

WATTO: This wasa not ze only Sithmas he spent reading here?

WICKET W. WARRICK: [i don't mind so much. It's only Sithmas. I don't care.]

JYSELLA HORN: Cheer up, Ebeneezer. It won't be long. Besides, you have your books to read!


JYSELLA HORN: My coach! I must run and see Papa and Mama! I wish you could come spend Christmas with us. (She gives WICKET W. WARRICK a quick kiss on the cheek and exits.)

WATTO: She hada large heart eh? heh heh heh!

VADER ( sadly): So she had.

WATTO: Let us look at a later Sithmas? Young Ebeneezer is now a grown man, released from school into the galaxy - his father dead. A promising, independent, young man with business prospects, and every hope of happiness before him?

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Scene 3

(WATTO waves its hand, and years pass. Scene is now set with PADME AMIDALA and ANAKIN SKYWALKER)

WATTO: What? I t'ink I'm some kinda Jedi!

ANAKIN: It is but another year, Belle! After waiting so long, surely one more year is no great thing-my Jedi Apprenticeship is but lately finished, my investments still in doubtful state.

PADME: Another year, Ebenezer! When are we to be married?

ANAKIN: Very, very soon, I promise you, my love. Only let us wait until we are sure of our prosperity!

PADME: It cannot be. It was the same with you last Sithmas, and the Sithmas before.

ANAKIN: But this year will be different! Mr. Marley speaks of setting up a money-changing business in Galactic City, in which I am to be made partner!

PADME: Mr. Marley! Oh, he is a rare man.

ANAKIN: He is a man of business, Belle. And a very good one with sound sense. I would do well to become such a man in the world.

PADME: I do not like him, Ebenezer. The Dark Side is strong in him, he has a cold heart, and an evil eye. Do not enter into this compact with him!

ANAKIN: Mr. Marley has promised me an important position, and a half share of profits. Come now, he is not such a wicked man as you think. And if he is? I follow him but for my own gain-he has no sway over my heart, as you do, Belle. What of Mr. Marley, then? He shall but help us to make our fortune!

PADME: You are already more like him than you know.

ANAKIN: Belle, I have hopes and expectations that will soon come to fruition, I am sure of it! Just another standard year that is all, and then I shall feel our happiness together is secure.

PADME: Our happiness? No, Ebenezer. I see too well, another idol has displaced me in your affections. Alas, if it can cheer and comfort you in time to come, as I would have tried to do, I have no just cause to grieve.

ANAKIN: What Idol could displace you, Belle?

PADME: A golden one.

ANAKIN: You find fault with me because I care for money. For the money to assure our happiness, our money, Belle! Oh, this is rich! This!--this is the even-handed dealing of the galaxy! There is nothing on which it is so hard as poverty; and there is nothing it professes to condemn with such severity as the pursuit of wealth.

VADER (to himself): Too true, too true.

PADME: You fear the world too much, Ebenezer. All your other hopes have merged into the hope of being beyond the chance of its sordid reproach. I have seen your nobler aspirations fall off one by one, until the master-passion, Gain, engrosses you.

ANAKIN: What then? Even if I have grown wiser to the ways of the world, what then? I am not changed towards you, am I?

VADER: Prepare the shuttle. I wish to see another scene.

PADME: The contract of love between us is an old one. It was made when we were both poor and content to be so. You are changed. When it was made, you were another man.

ANAKIN: I was a boy.

VADER: Let us go, Spirit.

PADME: Your own feeling tells you that you were not what you are.

WATTO: Thessa are tha shadows of the things that have been, heh. That they are whata they are, do not blame me.

ANAKIN: Belle!

PADME: For the love of him you once were, I release you with a full heart. May you the Force be with you in the life you have chosen!

(PADME AMIDALA exits. ANAKIN SKYWALKER exits opposite.)

WATTO (departing): Think on what has passed, methinks, Ebenezer Scrooge, and know yourself, heh heh.

(VADER returns to his chair.)

VADER: I did right. I had no choice. Should we have married on no more than the expectation of riches? A family like Crachit's? Impossible. I made my fortune, could she have but waited. I was a boy, a fool to care for her. (breathes heavily) Enough! I will not think on it. And yet, my nephew, Fred? Poor Belle! No more. No more, I say!

Were not three spirits prophesied me? What time is it now? Let me see. I must stay awake and keep a look about. Let them come. I have passed so far a strange and terrible night, and I doubt anything between a baby and a rancor would astonish me.

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Bad furday

Scene 1, Act 3

NARRATOR: The hour was drawing close against which the coming of the second spirit had been foretold. Scrooge was on his guard, for he wished to challenge the Spirit on the moment it appeared, and did not wish to be taken by surprise.


NARRATOR: Now, being prepared for almost anything, he was not by any means prepared for nothing; and, consequently, when no shape appeared, he was taken with a violent fit of trembling.

(VADER gathers his courage and looks around the edge of his chair. Sees JABBA THE HUTT, sitting on a repulsor sled and gorging upon assorted delicacies. JABBA notices VADER peeking around the edge of his chair)

JABBA THE HUTT: [Ho, ho, ho! Ebenezer Scrooge! Come, come closer, and look upon me! I am the Ghost of Sithmas Present! Have you never seen the like of me before?]

VADER ( trying to hide his digust) : Never!

JABBA THE HUTT: [Would you like a tree frog?] (offers one out of the tank to VADER)

VADER (eyeing the squirming frog warily): Um..no thanks. Oh! Is that rhyscate I see?!

(JABBA THE HUTT hands VADER a piece)

VADER: Thanks!

JABBA THE HUTT: [Never walked, errr, slithered forth with the other members of my family?]

VADER ( sniffs the air, then regrets it): I don't think I have. I am pretty sure I would have remembered it. No, I am afraid I have not. Have you many brothers and sisters, Spirit?

JABBA THE HUTT: [More than eighteen hundred to date!]

VADER: Eighteen hundred! A tremendous family to provide for!? Spirit, conduct me where you will. If you have aught to teach me this night, let me profit by it. I went forth before upon compulsion, but I learnt a lesson, which is working on me now, and I am humbler than I was.

JABBA THE HUTT: [ Ho ho! Come with me! Let us visit a Sithmas Present of someone you know!]

(JABBA THE HUTT gestures, and LIGHTS come up on JANSON'S party.)

JANSON (Laughing): He said that Sithmas a humbug, as I live! He believed it too!

NARRATOR: Scrooge found himself in the appartments of his nephew, Fred. The walls and ceiling were hung with living green. Bright gleaming mistletoe and berries glistened, and such a mighty blaze went roaring up the chimney, as Scrooge's dingy appartments had never known. There were turkeys, dewback ribs, rhyscate, plum-puddings, red-hot chestnuts, cherry-cheeked apples, and seething bowls of juri juice, that made the room dim with their delicious steam.


VADER: Is that my niece, Caroline? Very pretty Twi'lek. Exceedingly pretty Twi'lek.

JANSON: That's the truth, my dear! He's a comical old fellow, and not so pleasant as he might be. However, his offences carry their own punishment, and I have nothing to say against him.

AYY VIDA: I'm sure he's very rich, Fred.

JANSON: What of that! His wealth is of no use to him. He don't do any good with it. He don't make himself comfortable with it. He hasn't even the satisfaction of thinking that he's ever going to benefit anyone with it, for I don't expect we shall be in his will, my dear Caroline, no I don't expect so at all.

AAYLA SECURA: I don't know how you have patience with him, Fred.

JANSON: Oh, I am sorry for him. I couldn't be angry with him if I tried.

VADER: A good-hearted lad, Fred.

JANSON: Who suffers by his ill whims? Himself, always. Here, he takes it into his head to dislike us, and he won't come and dine with us. What's the consequence? He loses a very good dinner, and some pleasant moments, which could do him no harm. I am sure he loses pleasanter companions than he can find in his own thoughts, either in his moldy old office, or his dusty chambers. I mean to give him the same chance every year, whether he likes it or not, for I pity him. He may rail at Sithmas till he dies, but he can't help thinking better of it-I defy him to do so-if he finds me going there, in good temper, year after year, and saying `Uncle Scrooge, how are you?' If it only puts him in the vein to leave his poor clerk fifty credits, that's something; and I think I shook him yesterday.

But this is dreary talk for a Sithmas party. Let's have a game!

AAYLA SECURA: What shall we play?

NARRATOR: They played at forfeits, and blindman's buff. There was music, and Scrooge's niece played the harp-among other tunes, a simple little air, The Imperial March, which had been familiar to the Scrooge as a child, and affected him greatly now. They all played a game of How, When and Where, and Twenty Questions, which Scrooge joined in, wholly forgetting in the interest he had in what was going on, that his voice made no sound in their ears.

JANSON: No, no, no, no!

AAYLA SECURA: Does it live in the Upper Levels?


AYY VIDA: Then it lives in the Lower Levels. Is it kept in a cage or on a leash?


AYY VIDA: A live animal, an animal that growls and is of savage nature. Found in the Lower Levels, but not kept in a cage or on a leash! Extraordinary. Is it a mynock?


VADER: A duracrete worm?

AAYLA SECURA: Could it be a duracrete worm?


VADER: It was a sound guess-excellent young Twi'lek. Very intelligent.

AAYLA SECURA: Not a reek, or a wampa, or a spider roach, or a sand panther, or an armoured rat, or a nexu, or a mynock, or a duracrete worm. And you say it walks the streets freely. Not made a show of, not housed in a menagerie, never brought to market. A rather disagreeable animal.

VADER: Most perplexing.

AYY VIDA: Does it talk, Fred?

VADER: Talk!

AAYLA SECURA: A talking animal?

JANSON ( smiling mischieviously): YES!

AYY VIDA: Then I know, Fred, I know! It's your Uncle Scrooge!

AAYLA SECURA (laughing): Fred! For shame!

(VADER'S face falls from within his mask. JABBA THE HUTT indicates it is time to move on.)

AYY VIDA: You might have said `yes' to the duracrete worm--!

JANSON: Well, he has given us plenty of merriment, I am sure, and it would be ungrateful not to drink his health! A Merry Sithmas and a happy New Year to the old man, wherever he is!

JABBA THE HUTT: [We have more to see. Let us visit another Sithmas, in another part of the City?]

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Beeurd, the Belle in your post is now a woman, so she's now played by Padme. Just to let you know :)

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Oopsie! *edits*

(btw I'm posting next)

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Scene 2

(As NARRATOR speaks, TOWNSPEOPLE enter and DARTH VADER and the JABBA THE HUTT walk among them in the STREET.)

NARRATOR: Now the room, the fire, holly, mistletoe, turkeys, pies, pudding, fruit, and punch, all vanished instantly, and they stood in the city streets on Sithmas day, where the people made a rough, but brisk and not unpleasant kind of music, in scraping the snow from the pavement in front of their dwellings, and from the tops of their houses. The house fronts looked black enough, and the windows blacker, contrasting with the smooth white sheet of snow upon the roofs and with the dirtier snow upon the ground, which last deposit had been ploughed up in deep furrows by the heavy wheels of repulsorless carts and wagons into thick yellow mud and icy water. The sky was gloomy, and the streets were choked up with a dingy mist, half thawed, half frozen. There was nothing very cheerful in the climate or the lower levels, and yet was there an air of cheerfulness abroad?

(As JABBA and VADER walk, JABBA spreads spice among the TOWNSPEOPLE. MUSIC: Yoda's Theme.)

LANDO CALRISSIAN: A Merry Sithmas to you!

SABE: A shame to quarrel upon Sithmas Day.

SHAAK TI: So it is. By the Force, so it is. A Merry Sithmas!

SHAAK TI (to her children): Come along!

(ADMIRAL PIETT with YODA enter.)

VADER: Why, that's my clerk, Bob Crachit!

LANDO: A Merry Sithmas, Bob! And to you, young Tim!

YODA: Thank you, I do. May the Force be with you, I hope!

VADER: How extraordinary!

(The TOWNSPEOPLE exit. JABBA and VADER follow PIETT and YODA home to PIETT'S home where SHAAK TI and the CHILDREN are setting the table.)

Scene 3

VADER: This is Bob Crachit's house!

GREEATA (in Huttesse): [Papa!]

HERMIONE BAGWA: Papa's home!

SHAAK TI: Run and help your father off with his coat, Peter.

KITSTER: Merry Sithmas, Tim!

ADMIRAL PIETT (to SHAAK TI): Merry Sithmas, my dear.

SHAAK TI: Merry Sithmas, Bob.

PIETT (looking at the table and rubbing his hands in expectation): And what have we here?

SHAAK TI: Martha, help your brother (YODA) to his seat. And now-the womp-rat! (SHAAK TI exits to get the womp-rat.)

HERMIONE: And we made Blended Ewok, father!

PIETT: Blended Ewok! Then it really is Sithmas, isn't it?

(SHAAK TI enters with a very, very small Tatooine womp-rat on a tray, which she sets on the table. There is a moment of silence.)

PIETT (making the best of it): You have outdone yourself, my dear.

SHAAK TI: It was all-

PIETT: It looks delicious, and sure to taste marvelous-- won't it, children?


ADMIRAL PIET (stopping SHAAK TI, about to cut the womp-rat): Let us give thanks, my dear, for this and the Force's many other gifts. (ALL sit and bow their heads.) For what we are about to receive on this blessed Sithmas Day, may the Force make our hearts truly thankful. And we are truly thankful, aren't we, children?

TENAL KA: That is fact, papa!

PIETT: We should have a toast! What shall we toast?

KITSTER: Sithmas!

GREEATA: [Presents!]

HERMIONE: The womp-rat!

PIETT: The cook!

TENAL KA: The grocer who sold us the womp-rat!

KITSTER: Belinda, who bought the womp-rat!

YODA: To Mr. Scrooge, we toast! (There is a moment of silence.)

GREEATA: [Mr. Scrooge?]

PIETT: To Mr. Scrooge, the founder of the feast!

SHAAK TI: Mr. Scrooge the founder of the feast indeed! I wish I had him here. I'd give him a piece of my mind to feast upon, and I hope he'd have a good appetite for it.

PIETT: My dear, the children. Sithmas Day.

SHAAK TI: It should be Sithmas Day, I am sure, on which one drinks the health of such an odious, stingy, hard, unfeeling man as Mr. Scrooge. Oh, you know he is, Robert! Nobody knows it better than you do, poor fellow!

PIETT: My dear? Sithmas Day.

SHAAK TI: I'll drink his health for your sake and the day's, not for his. Long life to him. A merry Sithmas and a happy new year - he'll be very merry and very happy, I have no doubt.

PIETT: A Merry Sithmas to us all, my dears. Thank the Force!

ALL: Merry Sithmas.

TINY TIM: May the Force be with us, everyone!

VADER: Tell me, Spirit, if Tiny Tim will live.

JABBA: [Ho, ho, ho... I see a vacant seat in the chimney corner, and a crutch without an owner. If these shadows remain unaltered by the Future, the child will die]

VADER (breathing heavily): No, no. Oh, no, kind Spirit, say he will be spared!

JABBA: [ugh, f these shadows remain unaltered by the Future, none other of my race will find him here. (Turning to VADER) What then? If he be like to die, he had better do it, and decrease the surplus population!

Man, if man you be in heart and not alone in shape, forbear such wickedness until you have discovered what the surplus is, and where it is. Will you decide what men shall live and what men shall die? It may be that in the sight of heaven you are more worthless and less fit to live than millions like this poor man's child. (SEBULBA & SALACIOUS CRUMB enter and join JABBA) Look upon your children, ye hard-hearted man!]


VADER(shrinking back): Mine, Spirit!

JABBA: [They belong to Man. Look upon them! Here they stand: yellow, meager, naked, wolfish. This Kowakian Monkey-Lizard is Ignorance. This dug is Want. Beware them both, but most of all beware this monkey-lizard, for on his brow I read Doom for all Mankind if what is written here be not erased. Ho, ho]

(SALACIOUS CRUMB laughs again)

VADER: Have they no refuge or resource, Spirit?

JABBA (thundering): Are there no prisons? Are there no workhouses?

(BELL. JABBA, SEBULBA & SALACIOUS CRUMB exit. VADER looks around him.)

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lol, I just though, instead of "humbug" we could have sithspit :D

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lol...we could, couldn't we? Well, I think the image of Vader saying 'Bah! Humbug! ' is funny....so I don't think we'll change it. Good idea though :)

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I find your lack of humbug disturbing...


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Act 4, Scene 1

VADER: Spirit? Do not leave me, Spirit!

(BOBA FETT enters opposite, heavily armed as usual)

VADER: Force! What comes here? (Addressing it) Am--am I in the presence of the Ghost of Sithmas Yet To Come? (BOBA FETT gives a barely noticable nod, then points his finger.) You?are about to show me shadows of the things that have not happened, but will happen in the time before us. Is that so, Spirit? (BOBA FETT stares blankly at VADER, making no indication.)

Ghost of the Future! I fear you more than any specter I have seen. But, as I believe your purpose is to do me good, and as I hope to live to be another man from what I was, I am prepared to bear you company, and do it with a thankful heart. Will you not speak to me? (BOBA FETT points ahead.)

Lead on! Lead on! The night is waning fast, and its precious time to me, I know. Lead on, Spirit!


VADER: I know these men! Excellent men of business.

LANDO: No, I don't know much about it, either way. I only know he's dead.

HOBBIE: When did he die?

YARNA D'AL GARGAN: Last night, I believe.

HOBBIE: Why, what was the matter with him? I thought he'd never die.

LANDO: Force knows.

HOBBIE: What has he done with his money?

LANDO: I haven't heard. Left it to his company, perhaps. He hasn't left it to me, that's all I know. (Both LANDO and HOBBIE laugh)

YARNA: It's likely to be a very cheap funeral, for upon my life I don't know of anybody who will go to it.

HOBBIE: I don't mind attending, if a lunch is provided.

LANDO (Laughing): Well then, it's quite impossible, for I never wear black gloves, and I never eat lunch. And speaking of attending, aren't you known as " The dour one", Hobbie?

HOBBIE: Only on Adumar.....

YARNA ( skillfully changing the subject): Cold, isn't it?

LANDO: Seasonable for Sithmas time. You're not a skater, I suppose?

YARNA: No, no. Well then? Good morning!

(LANDO and HOBBIE shake hands and exit.)

VADER: What is the meaning of this, Spirit? Of whom do they speak?

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Scene 2

(BOBA FETT points to VADER's room, where GRAND MOFF TARKIN and RYSTALL have entered.)

RYSTALL: What I say is every person has a right to take care of themselves. He always did, Force knows!

VADER (breathing heavily, angry): But that's my room! What are these horrible people doing here?

TARKIN: Ah, now that's true indeed, Mrs. Dilber. True indeed. No man more so, and that's a fact.

RYSTALL: Why, then, we shall help ourselves, and who's the wiser? He's no worse for the loss of a few things like these.

TARKIN: No, indeed, Mrs. Dilber.

RYSTALL: If he had wanted to keep `em after he was dead, the wicked old screw, why wasn't he natural in his lifetime? If he had been, he'd have had somebody to look after him when he was struck with death, instead of lying there, gasping out his last, alone, by himself.

TARKIN: That's the truest word that ever was spoke, Mrs. Dilber. It's a judgment on him.

RYSTALL: You open that bundle, old Joe, and let me know the value of it. Now speak out plain.

TARKIN: I always give too much to the ladies. It's a weakness of mine, and that's the way I'll ruin myself? Nah! What do you call this? Looks to be-bed curtains!

RYSTALL: Ay! Bed curtains!

TARKIN: You don't mean to say you took them down, rings and all, with him lying there?

RYSTALL: Yes I do, and why not?

TARKIN: You were born to make your fortune and you'll certainly do it, Mrs. Dilber.

RYSTALL: I certainly shan't hold my hand, when I can get something by reaching it out, for the sake of such a man as he was, I promise you, Joe. Careful now, those be his blankets.

TARKIN: His blankets?

RYSTALL: Who else's do you think? He isn't likely to take cold without `em, I dare say.

TARKIN: I hope he didn't die of anything?catching, eh?

RYSTALL: Don't you be afraid of that. I ain't so fond of his company that I'd loiter about him for such things, if he did. Ah! You may look through that cloak till your eyes ache, but you won't find a hole in it, nor a threadbare place. It's the best he had, and a fine one too. They'd have wasted it, if it hadn't been for me.

TARKIN: What do you call wasting of it?

RYSTALL: Putting it on him to be buried in, to be sure! Somebody was fool enough to do it, but I took it off again. Ah, this is the end of it, you see! He frightened everyone away from him when he was alive, to profit us when he was dead!

VADER: The case of this unhappy man might be my own, I see. My life tends that way. I shall not forget its lesson, but let's leave this place of death!

(LIGHTS go down on TARKIN and RYSTALL, and come up on BED. A body lies there covered by a sheet. FETT points to it.)

VADER: Dreadful Specter, what would you show me? No, let us leave, Spirit, this fearful place. In leaving it, I shall not leave its lesson, trust me.

Is there not one person in this great City who feels some sympathy and pity at this wretched man's death? Is this the end of all then? Oh let me see some tenderness, or this dark chamber will forever haunt my vision!

((lol... what do we change the bible to...))

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Fix the problem I shall!

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(LIGHTS come up on CRACHIT appartments. AAYLA SECURA and the CRACHIT children are sitting at the table. AAYLA is sewing. KITSTER is reading from a manuscript of Jedi lore.)

Scene 3

KITSTER: ?And the Council allowed the boy to be trained, as they knew he was the chosen one.?

AAYLA: The color hurts my eyes. There, they're better now again. It makes them weak by glowtube light; and I wouldn't show weak eyes to your father when he comes home, for the galaxy. It must be near his time.

KITSTER: Past it rather. I think he's walked a little slower than he used to, these few last evenings, mother.

AAYLA: I have known him to walk, to walk with-

VADER ( wiih dreadful realization): Oh Force! Tiny Tim!

AAYLA: I have known your father walk with Tiny Tim upon his shoulder, very, very fast indeed.

TENEL KA: And so have I, often!

HERMIONE BAGWA: And so have I!

AAYLA: But he was very light to carry, and his father loved him so, that it was no trouble-no trouble. And there is your father at the door.

GREETA: [Don't grieve, father!]

ADMIRAL PIETT: I wish you could have gone, my dear. It would have done you good to see how green a place it is. But you'll see it often. I promised him that I would walk there on Sundays. --My little, little child! My little child!--

I happened to come across Mr. Scrooge's nephew, just today in the street, and he said to me, `I am heartily sorry for it, Mr. Crachit, and heartily sorry for your good wife. If I can be of service to you in any way,' giving me his card, `that's where I live.' Now, it wasn't for the sake of anything he might be able to do for us, so much as for his kind way. It really seemed as if he had known our Tiny Tim, and felt with us.

AAYLA: I'm sure he's a good soul.

PIETT: He is indeed. I shouldn't be at all surprised, mark what I say, if he found Peter a situation of employment.

AAYLA: Only hear that, Peter.

HERMIONE: And then Peter will be marrying and setting up for himself!

KITSTER (grinning): Get on with you.

PIETT: As likely as not, one of these days, though there's plenty of time for that. But however and whenever we part from one another, I am sure we shall none of us forget poor Tiny Tim-shall we?

TENEL KA: Never, father!

PIETT: And I know, I know, my dears, that when we recollect how patient and how mild he was, although he was a little, little child, we shall not quarrel among ourselves, and forget poor Tiny Tim in doing it.

KITSTER: No, never, father.

PIETT: I am very happy. I am very happy.

(BOBA FETT gestures, and LIGHTS go down on CRACHIT household.)

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Scene 4

VADER: Spirit of the Future, I have been considering what I have been shown this night, and by the Spirits of Sithmas Past and Present, and I am thinking of putting into practice some changes in my life. Let me behold what I shall be, in days to come. (BOBA FETT points.) My counting-house is yonder-Where are you taking me?

(Dim LIGHTS come up on GRAVEYARD. The yard is eerily deserted, and the sounds of wind can be heard whistling amongst the forlorn stones.)

VADER ( shocked): By the Force! What is here? (BOBA FETT stares blankly at VADER and points to a tombstone, set in the ground.)

Does this belong to the wretched man of whom those people spoke? I see, by your gesture, that you wish me to approach and look upon his grave. (Hesitating) Before I draw nearer to that stone to which you point, answer me one question, kind Spirit? Are these the shadows of the things that will be, or are they shadows of the things that may be, only? Men's courses foreshadow certain ends, which if they persevere in, will come to that end. But if the courses be departed from, the ends will change, is that not so? Oh Spirit, say it is thus with what you show me now! (Still, BOBA FETT gestures to the gravestone.)

I see you wish me to know the name of this poor, unhappy man, who died without a soul who mourned his passing.

(Full of dread, DARTH VADER approaches, and reads his own name upon the gravestone.)

VADER ( hyperventilating): No, Spirit! Oh, no, no, Spirit! Hear me! I am not the man I was. I will not be the man I must have been but for beholding this.

Why would you show this to me, if I am past all hope? Good Spirit, your nature intercedes for me, and pities me. Assure me that I yet may change these shadows you have shown me by an altered life! I will honor Sithmas in my heart, and try to keep it all year long. I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future, the Spirits of all Three shall strive within me. I will not shut out the lessons that they teach. Oh, tell me I may sponge away the writing on this stone!

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ACT 5 Scene 1

(CHURCH BELLS sound. The BOBA FETT exits. LIGHTS come up and VADER looks around him. TOWNSPEOPLE come out for Christmas morning. VADER stands up and looks around him. MUSIC: Land of the Ewoks.)

VADER: Can it be--? You there! I say, if you please.

WALD (in huttese): [Me, sir?]

VADER: Yes, yes. --Sweet fresh air, heavenly sky! Oh, glorious. Glorious!-- What's today, my fine fellow?

WALD: [Today? why Sithmas Day, sir!]

VADER: I haven't missed it! The Spirits have done it all in one night. Of course they can-they can do anything they like! (To WALD) I say, do you know the Poultry shop, in the next street but one, at the corner?

WALD: [i should hope I did!]

VADER: An intelligent boy! Remarkable boy! Do you know whether they've sold the prize turkey that was hanging up there? Not the little prize turkey, the big one?

WALD: [What, the one as big as a landspeeder?]

VADER: Delightful boy. A pleasure to talk to you. Yes, my lad!

WALD: [it's hanging there now.]

VADER: Is it? Go and buy it. No, no, I am in earnest! Go and buy it. Oh, and this is for you, eh? (Giving him a credchip)

(WALD exits, running.)

VADER (to himself): Must get ready for Fred's party-I hope he'll let me in to dine with them after all! (VADER crosses into his MEDITATION CHAMBER and changes into a clean helmet and cloak.) I'll send the goose to Bob Crachit's! He shan't know who sends it. It's twice the size of Tiny Tim! (Exiting out into the STREET) Good morning! And a merry Sithmas!

SHAAK TI (taken aback): And a merry Christmas to you, Mr. Scrooge!

VADER (seeing MON MOTHMA approaching): My dear lady. How do you do? It sends a pang across my heart to remember what I said to you yesterday in my office.

MON MOTHMA: Mr. Scrooge?

VADER: Yes, that is my name, and I fear it may not be pleasant to you. Allow me to ask your pardon. And will you have the goodness to put down my contribution of- (whispers to MON MOTHMA.)

MON MOTHMA: Force bless me! My dear Mr. Scrooge, are you serious?

VADER: A great many back-payments are included in it, I assure you. Will you come and visit my office tomorrow?


WES JANSON: Why, bless my soul! Uncle Scrooge!

VADER: It is I, Fred, your uncle Scrooge. I have come for dinner. Will you have me up?

NARRATOR: Have him up? It's a mercy he didn't shake his arm off.

(JANSON and VADER exit. TOWNSPEOPLE exit gradually as NARRATOR speaks, and COUNTING-HOUSE is reset.)

NARRATOR: Dear heart alive, how his niece started when Scrooge was brought up! But she recovered herself instantly and Scrooge was invited in. Nothing could be heartier. She was just as Scrooge remembered her, and so was the jollity, and the music, and the games, at which Scrooge seemed to have a special knack for guessing correctly. Wonderful party, wonderful happiness, wonderful Sithmas!

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Scene 2

NARRATOR: But he was early at the office next morning. Oh he was early there, for he had set his heart on being there first, and catching Bob Crachit coming late! And he did! The chrono struck nine. No Bob. A quarter past. No Bob. He was full eighteen minutes and a half behind his time. Scrooge sat with his door wide open, so that he might see him come in.

(ADMIRAL PIETT enters, hurriedly.)

VADER (as bad-tempered as before and breathing heavily): Mr. Crachit! What do you mean by coming here at this time of day?

PIETT (Stammering): I'm-I'm very sorry, sir, very sorry. A bit behind my time.

VADER: You are? Yes, I should say you are. Step this way, if you please.

PIETT: It's only once a year, sir. It shall not be repeated. I'm afraid I was making rather merry yesterday, sir.

VADER: Were you indeed, sir. Now, I'll tell you what, Mr. Crachit, I am not going to stand for this sort of thing any longer. And therefore,...... I have decided to raise your salary!

PIETT (Flabbergasted): Mr.-Mr. Scrooge? Sir?

VADER: A merry Sithmas, Bob! A merrier Sithmas, Bob, my good fellow, than I have given you, for many a year! I'll raise your salary, and endeavor to assist your struggling family.

PIETT ( Still in shock): I don't understand, sir?

VADER: I have a great many things in mind, Bob. I understand you have a young man in your household in need of a position, and that your child, Tim, is in need of medicines. We will discuss your affairs this very afternoon, over a Sithmas platter of Dewback ribs.

PIETT (still bewildered): Thank you, sir!

VADER: Well, come on then! Make up the fires, and buy another coal-scuttle before you dot another `i', Bob Crachit!


(YODA and KITSTER come in to meet ADMIRAL PIETT, who introduces them to VADER. NARRATOR and INHABITANTS OF THE LOWER LEVELS come in behind them. There is much merriment and rejoicing. MUSIC: Victory Celebration, ROTJ Special Edition)

NARRATOR: Scrooge was better than his word. He did it all, and infinitely more. And to Tiny Tim, who did not die, he was a second father. He became as good a friend, as good a master, and as good a man, as the good old world knew.

Some people laughed to see the change in him, but he let them laugh, and little heeded them, for he was wise enough to know that nothing ever happened on this globe, for good, at which some people did not have their fill of laughter. His own heart laughed, and that was quite enough for him. In later days, it was said of Ebenezer Scrooge, that he knew how to keep Sithmas in his heart all year round. May that be truly said of all of us. And so, as Tiny Tim observed-

YODA (with VADER): May the Force be with us, every one!

* * * * * * * THE END * * * * * * *

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(yoda with vader? now that's good!)

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Thanks! And a big thanks goes out to Beeurd, who helped a lot with this story! Thanks Beeurd! :D

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Yes thanks to everyone who helped out (hehe).

It's quite funny in places :D

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